Demondoink

Questionable line from my opponent

Fun (GTO approved) hand at HU

Below- old Church in Pitlochry.

Direction

Life-

I think that humans need direction in our lives. When we are drifting along through life without a purpose or meaning, then our mood and emotions often bear the brunt of this. Each day will feel like a drag. We will go through the motions each day and each day will feel almost identical to the last. We know what to eat for breakfast. We know what days to go to the gym. We study in a similar manner and we grind at similar times of the day. We take Mondays and Saturdays off. We swear to go to that cafe or restaurant, but it never materialises. Instead we opt for the tried and tested restaurants that we know we like.

This year my main goal, as alluded to in the title of this thread, is to go with the flow. You could argue that 'going with the flow' and 'direction' are opposed to one another, but I disagree.

I started listening to Arnold Shwarzenegger's book- Be useful, seven tools for life. In chapter one he talks about the importance of having a clear vision for your life. For him it was moving to America, then later on it was more specifically move to America to become the best bodybuilder in the world. The vision doesn't have to be specific in the beginning, as we can always hone that later on, but we should still have one regardless.

In the back of my mind I have always liked the prospect of moving abroad, but I have always found reasons not to do so. I moved out my parents for the first time aged 23, which is later than many people, but before then I honestly didn't feel ready to. I had friends in my hometown, I would meet girls often on nights out, I played fives twice a week and I was determined to continue the upward trajectory in my poker career that had allowed me to crush 200z and look to move up to 500z in the coming months.

During my twenties my clear vision (or direction) was to become as good at poker as I could. To move up in stakes and hopefully become a high stakes end boss. When I got towards the end of my twenties, however, I started to feel doubts about whether poker was something I wanted to do full time or not. My friends started getting married and having kids. The nights out dried up (I also quit drinking). I started feeling like I was having to force myself to sit down and grind, instead of excitedly sitting down like I had often experienced before (though in the past I would experience some anxiety before sessions, so it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows before either).

Arnold talks about the different chapters in his life. First up was bodybuilding, then it was acting, and then it was becoming a governor. I am sure he could have done bodybuilding for a lot longer, and achieved a lot more success in that regard, but he decided to take a risk and move on to the next chapter of his life.

I am not sure if this is necessarily a good thing, but I don't feel like I am someone who wants to stay in the same place for thirty years, or work the same job for thirty years- even if that job brings a lot of success and financial reward. At heart I feel like a traveller. I like being in different places. After a couple of years in one place I feel like it's a good time to move on to the next. In all honesty I would have left Inverness in the Summer if I hadn't bought this house, but that was more to do with the move not working out for me, as opposed to being 'bored' of the place or the area.

Anyways, this virtual pep talk from Arnold kind of inspired me. Now I am asking the question of myself- what is the clear vision for the next ten years of my life? What is the main purpose/goal, that I can then refine and clarify in the coming years? Ten year chunks seem like good long term goals for me. Any longer than that and it seems too far in the future, but any shorted than that and it doesn't seem like a true 'long term' goal or vision.

I have already booked two month long trips abroad for this year, and the plan is (likely) to book one more, then select one of those countries to move to for a year or more. I have to hold my hand up and admit that this move was a mistake, however, I have made sure that this is time that I do not waste. My dental treatment should end in August, which was something that I meant to get done since I was a teenager. I am currently on a ten week strength and hypertrophy workout programme that involves 4x workouts per week, and at the same time I am trying to increase my daily caloric intake so that I can get up to my goal weight of 75kg. I have also been to the doctors a couple times now about another medical issue, so my hope is that that will be resolved by the time I move abroad as well.

Last year I had no vision. I was just playing poker, even though I didn't really want to play. I was trying to integrate in to a place that didn't suit me. I only went abroad twice, despite being someone that used to go abroad five or more times per year. I was just drifting aimlessly through 2024.

This year is different. My clear vision now is to move somewhere that meets my social needs- where it's easy to meet like minded people and make friends, and where it's easy to meet girls.

Poker-

This has also enabled me to become more free when I am playing poker. I am not really aiming for grinding 5x per week, I mostly just play when I feel like it and I prioritise social events over poker. Ironically I feel more determined to battle and move up than before. Just last night, for example, I was battling regs (including some of the best ones on Stars) across two tables on $1k and $2k. I didn't run amazing and lost a little bit, but I was really happy with how I played most of the hands and the cool creative lines that I took.

I was speaking to a friend who plays basically the highest stakes of online cash, and I asked him for some tips on how to move up. He told me that I was already good enough to play $10k (at least when there was a fish on the table) which I appreciated of course, but also some more practical suggestions on how to move up. For example I have basically been playing 3bet only from every position bar the bb, but now I am trying to incorporate flat calls in to my pre flop game- which is something that needs to be done if you want to play in the low rake environments of $5k+. It seems like a punt to only play 3bet or fold when the rake is so low there, bordering on rake free.

It's also fun to start studying something that I have basically never put any time or effort in to before. I've been studying some HU too, and battling a little bit there when the tables break and there is a random 6m reg that is willing to play me.

Essentially I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Now I want to approach poker from the perspective of 'I'm going to become an end boss' instead of aiming for dollar goals for the end of the year. Perhaps this will be the first year in my poker career where I lose money, but if that is the case then sobeit. I just can't be bothered grinding $500nl forever and hating my very existence in the process.

This year is about exploration. I want to explore the game of high stakes poker. I will battle more, I will adapt and refine my strategy. I will shot take higher stakes games, and I will strive to become one of the toughest players to play against. If you look at the guys who have gotten to the highest stakes of online poker in recent years (Kayhan, DavyJones, Dex etc), these were guys that were grinding 500z. The difference is that they were willing to gamble more. They were willing to battle, even if they may have had a negative edge. Sure you could be a bum hunter who just hops on to a $10k table when a whale joins, but then you will never realise your true potential.

With this approach you aren't playing the game for the passion, for the fun or for the strategical warfare between two regs- you are just playing for the money. The game starts to become like any other job. You farm $500nl for your xbb/100 WR and never look beyond this. Poker is not a hobby or a passion any longer, it is merely a means of income like any and every other job.

Tonight I was going to grind, but then I changed my mind and decided to write this blog (much earlier in the evening than usual) and catch up on some other things. I walked to the gym and back today, done a workout then hit the sauna/jacuzzi and got in some reading. It has been a good day. I feel happy.

I've been watching the AsianFlushie v Linus headsup match recently on Coin Poker, and AF kind of inspires me. From what I've heard of him, he is likely very rich and basically has zero reason to play these games. He can easily make a ton of money from live games in Macau. So why does he take on the best players in the game at heads up, like Berri, Linus etc? Sure maybe he thinks he has an edge, but in my (perhaps wrong) opinion, I feel like it is more than that. I get the impression that he is playing these matches for the love of the game. He is playing for the challenge, for the intellectual stimulation that inevitably comes from playing these nosebleed end bosses.

Does he have easier ways to make money nowadays? Ones that likely yield a much higher hourly rate? Of course!

But at heart he retains that burning passion and love for the game. Perhaps it has died in many of us who have played this game as a career for so long. At the end of each year we fixate on how much money we have won, instead of how much fun we have had playing, how much we have learned this year about the game, or how much we have challenged ourselves against players that are better than us.

The simple question beckons- has this game become a career, or does it remain a passion?

RunItTw1ce Hey mate, long time no speak. Happy new year! How are things?

How long have you lived at this current place? I thought you were
going to be there for a while.

I moved in at the end of September 2023, but the move hasn't worked out for me. In my current situation I am better suited to living in a bigger city, then I can always move back to a place like this, or a town, in the future when I want to settle down etc. Also I have always wanted to live abroad at some point, so now makes the most sense as I don't have any wife/kids etc to stop me from doing that.

I think people whine about it because living expenses and bankroll
start to blend together and they feel the financial pressure weighing
them down to have immediate results. Where they might make money over
100k, 200k, or 300k hands, it might not be enough to support their
life style. Then reality really starts to sink in.

Yes 100%. I think that is a great point. Financial pressure (having to pay bills) and the frustration of putting in so much time/work to the game but having nothing to show for it could easily lead to outward tilt and whining.

However a lot of these guys that I see acting in such a way are streamers and Youtubers (cos I don't see the reactions of a random guy playing online). So for them it makes less sense as I can imagine that they make the bulk of their income from sponsorships, donations, ad revenue etc instead of from actually playing and beating the game.

Imagine how they would react to 'variance' if they had to rely on poker as their sole income. Most likely they would quit in a matter of months.

Coinpoker video 2

I included timestamps in the comment section for when I joined the call, and for when me and Yolan Cohen discussed a very interesting bvb hand.

Variance in poker- unlucky or just bad?

At the end of 2024 and the beginning of 2025, we seen a lot of people making videos about their poker results for the year. For whatever reason, most of the videos that I watched were either sharing underwhelming results, or straight up losing results for the year. What could be some of the reasons for this? Were these players extremely unlucky, did they play poorly during stretches, or are they simply breakeven or even losing players?

The reality is that, in the long run, every player is equally unlucky and lucky- especially when it comes to cash games. In tournaments it is different, because you might run hot in every $33 tournament when you approach the Final Table bubble, but then lose with aces vs kings with ten remaining in the WSOP main event- though you could argue that you had to run insanely hot to get there to begin with.

The point I'm trying to make is that variance is not equal in tournaments. Winning one flip is not equal to winning another. Where as in cash games every flip is equal if you are playing the same stakes (and have around 100bb etc). Sure you might run better or worse at higher or lower stakes, when you start to mix in different stakes, but your EV and your actual $ winnings should roughly even out once you put in enough volume.

If you watch some Youtuber's/streamers you will often hear certain guys whining about how they are 'the unluckiest player in the world' and how 'nobody else runs as bad as me'. Then, without even a hint of irony, admit in the next sentence that they have basically done zero poker study throughout the year.

If you are a good player with a high win rate, you can largely negate variance. That's not to say that you won't experience the same bad luck as the breakeven streamer who can't seem to win a session, but when you do experience negative variance, you can still make profit.

You can be on a downswing, and still make money during this period.

A 5bb/100 winner running 4bb/100 below expectation still makes 1bb/100 (and thus profit) during a 100k hand sample size. A 2bb/100 winner running the same 4bb/100 below expectation loses money during the same sample size. Losing 2bb/100 over that same 100k hand sample.

According to Poker Dope, a 2bb/100 winner has around a 26.3% chance of losing money after grinding 100k hands. They have an 18.5% chance of losing after 200k hands. They have a 13.6% chance of losing after 300k hands.

As you can see, there is a very real chance that a player can play such a large amount of hands, and still lose money having done so.

However, if we compare this to a 5bb/100 winner, then the difference is stark. This winner has a 5.7% chance of losing after 100k hands. A 1.2% chance of losing after 200k hands, and a 0.3% chance of losing after 300k hands.

So unless you actually run extremely poorly, then it's almost impossible to be down money with this win rate if you are playing more than 100k hands.

The 5bb/100 winner has essentially negated variance. He may run bad, but he still makes money in the process. His edge usually outshines whatever the poker gods may throw in his direction.

Of course another thing you need to factor in is rake. If you take that same 5bb/100 winner and throw them in to a high rake environment like GG, then his WR might drop down to 1 or 2bb/100 and then he will experience the same variance and swings as the low win rate guy.

Anwyays, the reason I decided to write this post is because some people like to remain in a victim mindset and whine about negative variance. Sure, they may run bad during a session, or for a month or two, but the most likely scenario is that they just aren't very good at poker- instead of being the unluckiest poker player to ever grace the virtual felt.

Focus on what you can control (study, quality of play etc) instead of what you cannot control (winning flips, avoiding coolers etc). And if you whine about being the unluckiest player in the world, but then admit that you have never studied for the past year, then you deserve everything that comes your way.

Coinpoker video

mcguigan To be honest I don't watch many RIO videos any longer. I used to learn a lot from Sauce back in the day, but ever since he left I feel like the quality of coach has steadily declined.

There are so many coaches who are producing content that should be cleared out, guys that were playing 500/1k at one point and producing Elite content but have slipped down in stakes and now produce 'Elite' content at 200nl. I mean if 200nl is Elite then I don't know what to say.

I feel like the best RIO coach (for cash) is probably Nuno Alvarez. He has actually moved up in stakes and is willing to share reads etc during his videos- but he plays HU which is quite niche nowadays as most of us play 6m cash.

Instead there are guys creating half assed videos that hold back most of their coaching methodology because they want to attract private coaching clients, and are mostly just using RIO videos as a means to advertise their coaching.

Where as Sauce would often come up with interesting concepts to explore- for example what happens when he uses min delayed cbet sizing. This would engage the viewer and open their eyes to, potentially, adopting a new approach in a certain spot.

But instead we get- here is my session with all the answers. Wtf does that do to engage viewers or help them to see poker from a different perspective?

A good poker coach teaches you how to think, not what to think.

Also I had an idea where I may alternate between poker posts (each time a new topic) and life/poker posts. For example one week I may talk about variance, win rates etc, then next week I talk about my grind and what is going on in my life, then next week I talk about cash games vs mtt's, or live poker vs online, then next week I go back to my life/my grind again.

So perhaps somewhere between an Onklebs thread and my thread- though I am not going to discuss exact strategy and more so just general poker topics or concepts etc.

Anyways any feedback from you or people itt would be appreciated!

Nobody01 Thanks mate, happy new year to you too!

I've been mulling over a 2025 blog. Tbh I was going to stop doing it but now I am leaning towards doing one again as I think 2025 could be an exciting year and one full of change- I'm just not sure how much poker I will be playing in all honesty.

Anyways I'll wait a few more days and then make a decision :)

2024 wrap-up

Life-

It's crazy that yet another year has passed. It seems like only yesterday when I was back at my parents for Christmas in 2023 and making plans, goals and new years resolutions for the coming year.

If I were to sum up this year it would be that it has been one of learning. Learning about myself from living alone, learning what I require in my life (and what I do not), learning more about the great game of NLH cash games, learning more about politics and random topics through reading and listening to podcasts, learning more about my body and what kind of sport(s) are best at boosting my mood etc, and learning more about my own insecurities and weaknesses.

I wouldn't say that this has been one of the best years of my life, but I think that sometimes we require a year like this in order to achieve clarity on what direction we are heading in. In poker downswings are inevitable, and that is the same in life too. It cannot be a constant upward trajectory of positivity, self improvement, happiness and contentment. At one point or another we will experience periods of sadness, depression, despair, mourning etc.

However, I would say this is also somewhat necessary. When we are running hot at poker it is easy to overlook simple mistakes that we are continuously making, because variance is bailing us out. We may make a questionable float in a 3bet pot and spike a set. We may make a moronic bluff and get rewarded with a runner, runner flush. We may call down with an awful bluff catcher and, fortunately, run in to the bluffing portion of our opponents range.

Just because we won the pot, doesn't mean that we played the hands correctly. Similarly, just because life appears to be going well in the current moment, doesn't mean that we are heading in the right direction, and taking steps that will (likely) head towards happiness and contentment in the medium to longer term.

Next year I have decided that I will move abroad. This is not a reactive response, this is a thoughtful decision that I have been mulling over for a while. I have booked a trip to Australia for a month at the start of March, and yesterday I also booked a month long trip to Poland in the Summer. I will probably book another month long trip some place else (perhaps Thailand) before deciding which place to move to. There are a multitude of factors that I have to think of (social life, poker, weather, language etc) but I am hoping that I will get some clarity from these trips.

What I have realised since coming back to my parents for Christmas is that there is not much reason to remain here any longer.

Of course my family are here, but apart from that and a few close friends, there aren't many other reasons. I have lost touch with the vast majority of my friends in Scotland over the years, and with everyone having kids, getting married etc then it is only heading in one direction.

So I need to make the decision on what is best for me. Where can I achieve medium to long term happiness and build a life that I will find enjoyable on a day to day basis.

I also don't like the direction that the UK is heading in, but I don't want to get to deep in to that, and the weather is starting to take a toll on me too.

On a more positive note, from a self improvement standpoint I would say this year has been a good one. Ever since I turned down braces during high school, I have thought about getting them in order to straighten my teeth. So I finally bit the bullet and got fitted for retainers. Originally I was told that I would only have them for six months, but it is going to be almost 1.5 years now- hopefully I will have them out some time in August.

I've also been on a 'bulk' for around six months now, putting on 5kg in the process. I was way too skinny, mostly from having a very high metobolism and being naturally skinny, but I've basically tracked my calories for almost every single day throughout this period, and I am edging towards my target weight. I contacted the doctor about a medical issue I've been procrastinating on and pushing to the back of my mind for as long as the braces, so I am happy that I finally decided to confront this.

I think that having so much time to think this year has enabled me to address issues in my life that I have pushed to the back of my mind for years and tried to forget about.

I will, most likely, keep a hold of my flat and rent it out- as that seems like the best financial option and gives me a form of passive income on a monthly basis.

Anyways, if I decide to do another blog next year then I will go in to this more deeply.

Poker-

I set three goals this year for poker in this blog, and I didn't achieve many of them. However, this doesn't tell the entire story.

1- Play 200-300k hands of cash.

In the end I played around 165k hands, so was a bit short. There are several reasons for this.

First of all I was only able to play around 300 hands per hour, due to the fact that 500z rarely runs and I am bad at mixing sites (this would be the next area of weakness I need to address). I don't tend to play particularly long sessions (typically 2-4 hours) as I prefer to try and play A game, instead of grinding out 8-10 hours playing mediocre poker with a low WR.

Also I lost motivation to grind, especially in the second half of the year. In the first half of the year my volume was pretty consistent and was on pace to play 200k+ hands, but then I went through periods where I could not be bothered playing. However, I am quite proud of myself in the sense that I would often force myself to play even when I didn't feel like playing. Even though I didn't play a ton of hands, I would say that I actually played quite a lot of sessions- just that these would often be less than 1k hands per session.

Anyways the main issue here is that I am overly reliant on grinding on Stars. It is, by far, my favourite site, so I tend to attempt to put most of my volume on there instead of branching off on to other sites. I will sometimes play ACR and GG, but that's basically it.

Also I ended up grinding SCOOP/WCOOP and mostly focusing on mtt's for both series, so that obviously negatively impacts my cash game volume.

Ultimately these are all excuses, but overall I am quite proud of myself for my cash game results this year, and the consistency that I showed up and played. Throughout most of my poker career I have experienced some form of anxiety before sitting down to play a session, but this year I experienced very little of it. I think the reasons for this are that I started to address things that I have things that I have procrastinated on for years (braces etc) and I have also been pushing myself out of my comfort zone, especially from a social standpoint. I think that exercise has helped too- I've been pretty consistent with the gym and also added in sauna/steam room etc to my routine.

My WR this year at cash was 4.7bb/100 (all in adjusted). In the past couple of years it had been a little too low for my liking, so I was happy to get it back (almost) to my 5bb/100 target. I think it is possible to get it higher, but I never really study my opponents or do any form of MDA sort of work, I just study from a theoretical perspective and sometimes use the nodelocking tool in order to figure out ways that I can adjust vs certain opponents.

2- Aggressively shot take $5k/10k.

To be fair I would give myself a pass on this one. As soon as my bankroll got up to my target amount (and even slightly before), I started to play some $5k. Earlier this month I was even battling $5k three handed for a short while as we waited for a table with a fish on it. I got in to the mindset of playing $5k whenever it was running on Stars, but the problem is that it rarely runs. Thus my volume was still very low at this stake, even if my willingness to play it was quite high.

$10k never runs on Stars, so I didn't really have any opportunities to sell action and grind that stake. I don't think it would be wise for me to shot take $10k with a bunch of regs in that coinpoker challenge. I'd have probably put in some hands if it was $5k though as I am pretty confident in my game atm.

Again, the main issue is not mixing sites so that I could play $5k+ on other sites like ACR etc. I still don't really intend on putting in much cash volume on GG, but I think that the $2k games may be worth playing from time to time as the rake is probably beatable there if you get in to a soft enough game. I am still unsure whether $1k is beatable pre rakeback, and I am not massively incentivised to find out in all honesty.

3- Work on my mtt game/get a $100k+ score

Obviously I can only control the former and not the latter (I basically need to get lucky) but I did notice a massive improvement in my mtt game through the WCOOP series. At the beginning of the series I was making lots of mistakes and not adjusting well to mtt regs, but towards the end I was feeling confident and finally felt an edge vs most of the mtt regs. Perhaps this was delusion on my part, but I only play around $100 abi so I don't think it's unrealistic for someone who plays up to $5knl to have an edge on mid stakes mtt regs- at least from a post flop perspective.

Unfortunately I didn't get any big mtt scores, but I did make a nice comeback towards the end of the series and I think I was only slightly down at mtt's this year, after being around $20k in the hole at one point.

So that's that. Another year in the books. Next year I am not sure how much I will focus on poker tbh. I have two months before my Australia trip and then another two months in between my trip to Poland. I really need to get on with fixing up the house so that I can rent it out in late Summer, thus meaning poker may take a back seat and I'll just play whenever I feel like it, instead of trying to play 4-5x per week.

I'm not sure. Either way next year will be a year of travel and socialising. I am no longer willing to allow the years to pass by as I sit in my office and try to accumulate more money. I am definitely not quitting poker, but it will no longer be my main priority. I need to prioritise my happiness.

Coaching-

I also want to get back in to coaching more often again. I enjoy helping others improve and seeing where they can get in the game. So if you are interested in learning a theoretical approach to studying and playing the game, drop me a message. I am currently offering a discount for players that are serious and wish to book either 5x sessions and especially 15x sessions. However this is just a short term thing as I want to do more coaching, and then I'll go back to my normal prices.

I'd like to wish everyone a happy new year, and good luck for 2025, whatever you may be doing :)

Daniel Clemente Thanks mate!

But in jobs you definitely still need to show up every day. And in
poker it's easy to not do that if you're not disciplined about it. I'm
thankful I had that experience of having real jobs so that when I made
the transition to full time poker I didn't see taking random "off
days" as much as an option as some players who had been poker pros
their whole adult life.

Yes I think that's a good point. If you have some sort of experience of working a 'regular' job before turning professional, then you are likely better at being more disciplined with your workweek routine. Where as I only really had one or two part time jobs before pursuing poker, and both of them weren't exactly the strictest in terms of timekeeping etc.

Today is the anniversary of my girlfriend and I, and because I'm a
poker player, I get to take the afternoon and go for a long lovely
lunch, rather than having to look through my year and count up if I
have enough holiday days for it. You almost have to experience the
alternative to appreciate that reality.

Happy anniversary and I hope you both had an enjoyable lunch! I completely agree though, the freedom aspect (along with the zero tax) are probably the two best aspects of being a poker player. There are plenty positive aspect of being a poker player, but I just think that working from home isn't necessarily the best long term approach to living a happy and fulfilled life.

Benabadbeat actually talked about using a shared working space when he was back visiting the UK, so perhaps doing something like this could be good for bridging the social gap of working from home compared to working in an office around other people. Of course I also realise that working around other people can have its drawbacks too (especially if you don't get along with them) so there are always positives and negatives for everything.

Also, any particular reason you decided to check the KQQ board? Seems
like the rangiest of range-bet spots. I'm guessing given how it played
out, you had a bit of a read on the guy xD

The bb 3bet range tends to be much more polarised compared to the sb range, for example, so in general there is less range betting going on. It's probably fine to range bet here but if you 3bet a 'correct' polarised range that contains a bunch of hands like Axo, Kxo, J7s etc then this board isn't as good as it appears. Where as from the sb then we don't have these hands and thus it's a comfortable range bet. IIRC there was like 10% check (and my combo was pure betting flop) so it's likely that range cbetting was indeed the best option- but hey, I got max value!

Also, if you need more partners to do study calls, feel free to DM ��

Thanks for the offer but I have one partner who I study with pretty consistently, and another guy who I've started to study with recently. I also enjoy studying by myself too, so at the moment I am happy with my arrangement. However I will contact you in the future if anything changes :)

GL on the grind!

What book/movie/tv character is most like you?

Today I've been listening to the Diary of a CEO podcast with 'the body language expert' and at one point she talks about asking people deeper questions instead of the typical 'how are you' or 'what do you do' questions. She then proposes to ask someone the question- what book, movie or tv character is most like you and why?

It's not something that I have consciously thought of tbh, but I guess I have on a more subconscious level. Just the other day at yoga class I was talking to the instructor afterwards and I recommended the film/book 'In to the wild', which I have also talked about on this blog before. I also mentioned to her that I stopped buying presents for birthdays/Christmas etc after it was mentioned during the film that he (Chris McCandless) stopped doing this.

Imo presents have become too transactional, and less about being a kind gesture. The issue I have is that they are expected. Expectation can often lead to entitlement- instead of being grateful for receiving a present from a friend or family member, we criticise them for their poor taste in presents. We receive another present that we will never use and we toss it in toa cupboard, never to be seen again. Even the presents that we do like, we probably don't really need.

If I need something I will buy it. If I don't need something, I won't buy it. I don't want an excess of things that will eventually find their way in to a landfill. I wouldn't say I am a minimalist, but I lean more to that direction than the opposing one.

So what I do nowadays, instead of buying them on x or y occasion (where presents are expected) is to buy them spontaneously, if it's something I think they will actually like, appreciate and use.

When I was in Prague, for example, I bought my brother a Pokerstars hoodie (it's actually very cool, I almost wanted to keep it for myself haha). He was actually quite good at poker too, and I imagine he could have done it professionally, but he was too risk averse and would withdraw his Stars account as soon as he went on some sort of mini downswing. I have been risk averse to a certain extent as well (in terms of often taking too long to move up ins stakes) but I'm fairly decent at losing and I know that this is merely part of the game and necessary so that the fish keep coming back.

He still likes poker and plays homegame's with his friends every so often, so I am sure he will appreciate the gift. I quite like buying random things while I am abroad as well. Last year I bought some olivewood cutlery while I was in Athens for my Mum/Gran, and then I bought them these little picture frames that were handmade from the Casa Batllo in Barcelona. I'm not saying any of these gifts were particularly expensive, but at least they held some kind of meaning (I had travelled to these places) and would be of some use (people always have pictures and use cutlery/serving spoons etc).

Because I remember a few years ago now I asked my Dad what to get him for Christmas, and he wasn't sure so he just said money. Imo that completely defeats the purpose.

I am not trying to be negative about Christmas (I am actually looking forward to seeing friends/family and taking some time off) but merely about the expectation around the giving and receiving of gifts.

Chris McCandless made me start to question this process.

For those of you that don't know the book/film, after graduating University, Chris simply disappears. He doesn't have a good relationship with his parents, but he does have a good relationship with his sister. However, none of them knows where he has gone. He ends up going on adventure across America, culminating in his final destination of Alaska- where he has always dreamed of living. In one iconic scene, he abandons his car before tossing whatever dollars remains in his pocket on to the ground and burning them. This symbolises his rejection of consumerism and his entry in to the life of self sufficiency and living off the land.

Unfortunately this does not end well for him and he ends up dying while living on an old, abandoned school bus. He keeps a journal throughout the journey, and one of his final entries was;

Happiness is only real when shared.

Whenever we go through a rough patch in our lives we may think in the back (or front) of our minds that running off and living in a wooden hut in the wilderness is an appealing option. We want to escape the people that are brining us down. We want to have a fresh start. We want to live amongst nature and escape the rat race. However, we are social beings. Perhaps for a month or two we would enjoy this existence. Perhaps even for six months or a year, but at some point we would start to crave social interactions. We would wish for someone to share ideas with, to converse with, to see a smile, to share a hug or a kiss.

The people that we were running away from become the people that we crave.

I admire Chris in so many ways- his sense of adventure, his rejection of consumerism, his free spirit, his braveness, his intellect and his sense of urgency to live life. Some people stay in once place their entire lives, while others stay in many different places within their own country, and other people travel and live throughout the world. In the past I have sometimes felt the urge to live in places for the wrong reasons (more so to 'run away' instead of simply because I wanted to live there).

I think it's important to question our motives when considering a move- are we doing this because we truly want to travel/live there, or simply because we want to 'run away' or 'escape' our current life situation and the people within it.

So if I was asked the question of what book/movie/tv character I would consider to be most like me, I would have to say Chris McCandless.

I think it's important to make decisions for yourself, and not simply because the people around you, or society, or the government is telling you. I try to reject consumerism as much as possible (though I never plan on burning my money like Chris did) and only buy things if and when I need them. I like to travel, to live in different places and to be outdoors. I enjoy reading and journaling like he does- though mines is done online and his was in some random notebooks haha. I do not consider myself above going camping for a few nights or even living in a hostel for a week. I am happy to spend a decent amount of time alone, but I also highly value the importance of human connections and relationships.

At points this year I have felt something like what Chris must have felt during his final weeks and days on that bus in the middle of nowhere in Alaska- loneliness and an urge for social connections. Unless we are very careful, grinding online poker for a living can become akin to living on that bus in the middle of nowhere. We are working alone, we may be living alone. Sure we may talk to people at the gym, at the library, at a class and we may arrange seeing friends/family every so often- but it's often not enough.

I may not have moved to Alaska by myself, but I moved to Inverness in the North of Scotland with the same idea of escaping the big city life and being closer to nature etc. Unfortunately, I have come to realise, this place can almost certainly not satisfy my social needs- there aren't enough people of a similar age and mindset here and there aren't enough girls that I am interested in. Also I am starting to question whether it's optimal to live in a climate where its freezing cold for basically 50% of the year and dark at 4pm.

Anyways, I am not trying to be negative- as I've actually just had my best week in a long while. As I mentioned in last weeks post, I decided to change my routine and get out of the house first thing, skip breakfast and walk to the gym. I went there six times this week (doing 3x workouts and the other 3x days I just sit the sauna etc) and another 2x days of yoga. On Saturday I met a friend and we went to the driving range for a couple hours, which was fun. I actually played poker every day from Monday-Friday, which is the first time in a long time that I have done that. I've made sure to take my multi vitamin basically every day as well, and overall I've been in a good mood pretty much every day with this routine.

My plan for the remainder of the year is to hang out with friends/family, while making sure to clear a Stars bonus before the 31st. So I'll basically just grind a couple random days in order to clear that. Overall my results have been pretty good, but my volume has been low (as usual). On a positive note, my expenses this year have been very low (I haven't had to pay any rent etc and I've only been on two holidays). Whenever I see a $5k game running on Stars now I'll hop in it (which doesn't happen all that often in fairness), so I am happy that I am now over this mental block.

In life I think it's very important to learn from our own mistakes- whether that be a hand of poker where we completely punted off or something more life related. However, it's also a great approach to learn from the mistakes of others. Towards the end of his life, Chris highlighted the importance of relationships with others. Initially he ran away from his family, but in his final few days I'd imagine that they would be the people that he craved for the most.

When I was in the sauna today I overheard two guys, probably in their fifties or sixties, asking each other what they were doing for Christmas. 'Fuck all' said one guy (which is Scottish slang for 'nothing'). The other guy also confirmed he had no plans. The first guy said that his Mum was dead and his son had stopped talking to him, and the other guy also said that his son (or daughter, I can't remember exactly) had stopped talking to him too, and had actually fallen out with him last Christmas.

As most of us on RIO are somewhere, presumably, from the ages of 18-40, then it's very likely that our parents are alive at the very least. Perhaps we even have some grandparents alive too. We may have siblings, and we may have partners or wives. So we take this family time for granted. We take it for granted that our Mum will cook Christmas dinner and our Dad will try to keep out of the way and set the table.

However, what does that look like in thirty years time, when we are sitting in the sauna, the same age as these guys? Our parents may be dead, and what if we have never had kids, what if we have never gotten married and had kids, or if we have fallen out with our kids and gotten a divorce?

We may be the one who is saying 'fuck all' when asked what we are doing for Christmas. We see young families with their kids going to the Christmas market. We see our neighbour's having their extended family over for Christmas dinner. But we look around our home and we have nobody to share that special day with. We may think back to the days where our parents had us over for Christmas dinner, and we thought these days would last forever, but time waits for no man.

So this Christmas I will make sure to appreciate those around me, while not forgetting those two guys in the sauna who have nobody to share it with because who knows, perhaps some day that could be me.

Happiness is only real when shared.

Starting a new routine

On Sunday I found myself almost feeling addicted to my phone. I think that sometimes we use phones as some sort of soothing tool, in an attempt to make us feel better. We think that by continuing to scroll, check social media and send random messages then our mood will improve. I had just watched Rangers lose (yet another) game against Celtic in a cup final and there was one or two other things on my mind too. As a result I just kind of mindlessly stayed glued to my phone for hours after the game and didn't do anything productive. I would set my phone down and then feel instantly inclined to pick it up again.

Overall I would say I am pretty decent at staying off my phone (I leave it at home when I head out on a walk or go to the gym/yoga class). If I'm out with friends/family at a restaurant or whatever then I barely even glance at my phone throughout the meal. However, when you are lying around at home by yourself then it can become easy to doomscroll or just stay glued to your phone for hours at a time, unless you are careful and conscious.

Suddenly I got a flash back to a point earlier in the year when I done the 'no phone for a week' challenge, where I would limit my daily screen time to 30 minutes or less. So I searched for the 'downtime' feature' and decided to go extreme- I cannot use my phone for the next 12 hours. This was around 2am, and I will often watch Youtube before I go to sleep and upon waking up. When I was doing this challenge I would leave my phone in another room as I slept, but soon after ending the challenge I slipped back in to bad habits again and would take it with me to my bedroom as I went to bed.

So I tossed the phone to the side of my desk and left it in my office.

I went to sleep around 3am, woke up for perhaps an hour or so and then fell back asleep until 12pm. For the past few weeks I've also been falling out of the habit of meditation. Usually I would do 12 minutes per day, followed by reading around 10 pages of a random book that I would happen to be reading. Typically I read two books at the same time (well not literally the same time as my eyes work in tandem and are unable to read two different books simultaneously lol).

One is typically some sort of self improvement book, and the other some type of non fiction- sometimes a biography/autobiography or perhaps a book about war, geopolitics etc. Occasionally I will read a fiction book, but not often. I read 1984 earlier this year and enjoyed that- though some would argue it's becoming less and less of a fiction these days. At the moment I am reading 'the law of attraction' (again) and 'unmasked', which is a really good book about crime scenes, cold cases etc.

I have found that how I start my day is vital to how the rest of my day unfolds.

If I start it in a poor manner, perhaps by watching two hours of Youtube and then just lying around on the sofa on my phone or something, then typically the rest of the day will be kind of lazy and unproductive.

However, when I start the day productively, often the rest of the day unfolds in a similar manner. I am more conscious and less unconscious (the latter leads to mindless phone usage).

So today I woke up without a phone in my room. That removed the option to check social media, watch Youtube or send random messages. As a result I done my 12 minute meditation, followed by reading some of the 'law of attraction'. I think that what some of that books says is perhaps a bit hocus pocus, but I also think it's true that our thoughts often manifest in to our reality.

If we think negative things we often receive negative outcomes, and if we think positively we often receive positive outcomes. We attract people in to our lives that are similar to us, and if we don't attract the sort of people that we like, then that says a lot about us! We may struggle in one or two aspects of our lives, and see the same results (or lack thereof) year after year. Thus, clearly, our thoughts play a massive part in determining the outer aspects of our lives- whether that be interactions, relationships, success, health, poker etc.

Upon getting up I decided to skip breakfast and just head straight out of the door to the gym. It was something that I enjoyed while looking after Rocco- I would have to walk him as soon as I woke up cos it was already later than he would usually get walked (as my parents are on a more normal sleeping pattern). We only get light until around 4pm just now, so it's easy to miss it if you wake up around 12pm, do meditation/reading etc, watch Youtube, study, make breakfast etc and then head out the door.

Anyways, I ended up having my most productive day for a while. I left my phone at home and didn't get back until almost 5pm as I walked each way to the gym, done a push workout, went to the sauna, read 20 pages of unmasked and then done a food shop on the walk back home. That meant, apart from a quick 5 minute check after I woke up, I didn't look at my phone for 15 hours. My mood is so much better today due to the combination of exercise, sauna, being productive and staying off my phone as much as possible.

I also ended up playing online for the first time in two weeks (having been away in Prague and then having no interest in playing after arriving home last week). I only played for a little over an hour as the games were completely dead with basically no fish and no 1k+ games running, but I was happy to at least get in some hands and shake off the online poker rust again. It felt nice to be back.

Going forward I want to stick with this routine. Granted it is literally day one, but I really like the 'get the fuck out of the house' first thing approach. No messing around. No breakfast. Get outside. My phone is locked between 2am-2pm going forward too.

I actually love reading too. One of my favourite things to do is hit the sauna after the gym and then lie down on one of the loungers and read for 20-30 minutes.

I also booked flights to go and see my brother in Australia early next year. I am only going for a month for now, as I still have a lot of work to get done with the house, but I will see how I enjoy it and then take it from there. I'm unsure whether or not I'll be living in Scotland next year, so I'll just try out different places and see if there is something that suits me. If not then I'll just keep on looking- or perhaps I will realise that Scotland is the right place for me, who knows! I am going to be pretty open minded.

I hope everyone has a great, productive week :)

Prague+ other things

It has been quite an eventful past week or so- having left Inverness last Tuesday in order to stop by my home town for a day, before flying out to Prague from Edinburgh on Wednesday. I wanted to play live poker at least once this year (which I have now achieved) and also do another hostel trip. Obviously staying in a hostel is far from ideal when you are finishing poker very late at night, and when other people in the room can snore etc and affect your sleep negatively, but I think its also important to sometimes do the opposite of your normal.

So for someone who grinds online and lives alone, then I wanted to grind live and sleep in a eight bedroom dorm haha. In general I also like the kind of people who stay in hostels. They tend to be more open minded than the average person, more social and also eager to meet and interact with new people. Where as in our home towns/cities, we often tend to stick with the same group(s) of people and are less eager to meet new people and make new acquaintances and friends.

As beautiful as Prague is, I still think that it's far better visiting places in the Summer when it is warm and when the days are much longer. Of course there is something special about the cold, dark nights in contrast to the bright, luminous Christmas lights that are littered throughout most European cities at this time of year. Yet I would take 25c weather and light until 10pm any day of the week!

However, beggars can't be choosers, and this seemed like a good stop to go to and revisit a city that I had never been to until last Summer. I arrived late on Wednesday night and had registered (online) for the 7pm Thursday flight of the $1k. This was supposed to be a fast flight, with shorter blind levels, but we ended up playing until after 5am as the bubble seemed to go on forever.

It was actually funny, cos on the (as it turned out) last hand of the evening, I actually just ran off and went to the toilet because I was so desperate. I could have likely waited another 5-10 mins, but unless I got AA then it wouldn't have really made any sense to go all in pre flop anyways, and even with AA you could argue that it's higher EV to fold, lock up the min cash then try to double post bubble.

The way I look at it is like this- if I have AA and I'm called, I have 80% equity, thus meaning I bust 20% of the time. However, if I fold everything, do I bubble more than 20% of the time? The answer is almost always no unless I am one of the shortest few stacks remaining.

Of course this isn't an exact science, cos future game comes in to play etc, but I still think it's a good overall view of how moronic it is to stack off with (almost all) hands when you are on the direct bubble of a tournament.

Anyways, I returned to bag up my chips, grab an Uber back to the hostel before making some pasta at 6am and getting to bed at around 7am. Fortunately Friday was a day off, before we returned on Saturday for Day 2.

I never got a ton going on Day 2, though I did double up once or twice. However, in the penultimate hand I opened AKo ep off 18bb before the big stacked sb 3bets me. I 'jam' leaving one chip behind as we are on a direct money jump, and he puts me all in on a JTx flop. I tanked post flop before the dealer called the clock (I didn't even know this was allowed tbh) and unfortunately I directly bubbled the 400 Euro pay jump. I cashed for 2.7k.

I ended up playing a random 550 Euro event later on in the evening, but bust relatively close to the money. I actually played one kind of hilarious hand bvb where I limped J7s vs some guy (I think he was a fish but I'm not 100% sure). I think we were around 50-60bb deep. I stabbed A92r and he calls (I think my hand is probably a better x as I dunno how many better hands I fold out). Turn is a rainbow 6x and I check, essentially giving up. He stabs small and the red line/exploitative voice inside of me tells me that this bet is weak as shit and I should just go after it. I end up x raising a no equity hand, then on the Tx river I feel obliged to follow through (I'd probably give up on most other rivers tbh) and he snap calls with a random T6s. It was a little annoying cos imo there is almost no chance he calls if he has, for example, Q6/J6, but I guess my over aggressive bluff was suitably punished!

The guy was clearly tilted about an earlier hand I played vs him when I 4bet jammed JJ for around 30bb and spiked a set vs his AA, so it would have been better in hindsight to just have zero bluffs against him and go for value. However, I still think it's very unlikely he would have called had he not binked a random two pair, and he will have a lot more weak 2nd/3rd/4th pairs relative to two pairs or Ax. So it was still, almost certainly, a +EV bluff- unless he decides to spite call down with any pair haha.

This session finished around 1am, and having looked at the next couple days schedule (basically the only tournament worth playing was a 2k high roller) I decided against playing and just vowed to do some sightseeing, reading, socialising etc instead.

What I noticed is that without the constant use of technology, the days tend to go by a lot slower and you have so much more time to do other things. I averaged around four hours of phone screen time throughout the trip (which is about normal for me) but usually I also go on my computer to grind, study etc and I also watch Youtube/sports etc either on my TV or at the pub. So in reality my actual daily screen time could easily be double this. I didn't take my laptop nor watch any TV etc while I was away.

As a result I read 'the four hour work week', which I really enjoyed, and also took a bunch of notes and answered the questions at the end of every chapter. I got several good ideas from that book that I will add in to my life- for example the 'mini retirement' or 'batching' tasks together on certain days. The latter suits my mind very well cos I am someone who prefers to do everything in one sitting (for example responding to messages) otherwise I will just continually put off the task/chore/errand until I eventually feel like doing it.

I averaged around 20k steps per day too, making sure I would get outside at least 2-3x per day and go on walks around the city. It's funny but when you are in a hostel then you feel kind of guilty if you laze around (and you don't really wanna hang around in a eight bedroom dorm). People are coming and going all the time, and you want to make sure you don't waste the day too. Where as when you are sitting at home, then it can be easy to allow hours to pass by without much awareness of time or the fact that you are completely wasting it.

I met some cool people and had some very interesting conversations. I had a random argument with a live pro who kept staring everyone down like he was on the final table of the WSOP. I tried to get to sleep with the worlds worst snorer in the bed beneath me- who managed to turn the entire room in to an enemy. I managed to get my first and last live cash of the year, and I even bought a Pokerstars t-shirt to prove that I am still a fish at heart.

As I currently write this, I am in a bar of a random hotel in Inverness. I arrived home after 3am on Wednesday morning to realise that my heating wasn't working and that I had a leak in the pipework. It's pretty cold at this time of year, so it's not really suitable to be in the house (other than sleeping/cooking) as its sitting at around 10c in the living room without any heating on.

Fortunately the plumber is coming tomorrow and will hopefully resolve the issue. I also thought I had lost my bag or that it was stolen as I got the bus back in to Edinburgh (towards my parked car) but fortunately I flagged down the same bus I'd gotten on over an hour before and managed to get the bag back.

Otherwise some petty criminal would have been walking around Edinburgh in my Pokerstars t-shirt.

Perhaps these are signs from 'the universe' that it is time to move on, that my horizons lie beyond Scotland. Next year will be a year of change. All I know for certain is that I will see small bet sizing's from fish float betting the turn as weak, and attempt to punish them, and that I will be wearing my Pokerstars t-shirt while doing so. The rest is up in the air...

GG.

I'm going to EPT Prague on the 4th-10th of December. I won a 1,100 Euro ticket earlier on in the year in a satellite that I need to use up before April, so thought this would be a decent tournament to go to. I'll be playing the Eureka main, but I'm gonna fly back before the EPT main as I'm not really bothered about playing it tbh.

If anyone else is there and wants to catch up drop me a message. I was planning on writing a post tonight but I don't have any time as I gotta be up in six hours time and still haven't packed etc. I'm not flying for another day but I have to go back to my hometown etc first to do a couple things.

GL to anyone else who is going!

Hey man. Thanks for the reply, I will respond to your properly tomorrow!

Edit:
I just opened the Youtube tab and the chill mix was 1:40 hours in (I started playing it at the beginning of writing this post). That's definitely the longest time I've ever spent writing a post lol.

Also I almost never take my phone with me on a walk, but my family wanted photos of Rocco so I made an exception today. He is extremely photogenic. This was a walk up Ord Hill, on the outskirts of Inverness.

The ant 'trapped' in the circle

I was listening to a podcast the other day and in it, the guest mentioned about the 'ant in the circle' experiment. This involves placing an ant (or however else you get the ant in to this position) on to a piece of paper, before drawing a circle around it. The ant then proceeds to try to 'escape' before experiencing an invisible barrier any time it approaches the line.

Sure, I am sure some of this is to do with the toxic smell of a freshly drawn pen line, but nonetheless, it still acts as a good anecdote for us humans and highlights the fact that many of the boundaries that hold us back in life are merely ones that we created within our own minds.

I am curious, what are the limiting beliefs that you draw in your own mind?

You don't actually have to answer (but also feel free to), yet perhaps just taking a note of whatever springs to mind may help you to start to overcome them.

Personally speaking I have a few, most of which I am already pretty conscious of and I'm trying to work through.

The five most common limiting beliefs when I done a quick web search were as follows;

1. Self-doubt: “I’m not good enough” or “I’m not capable.”
2. Fear of failure: “I’ll never succeed” or “I’ll be judged.”
3. Imposter syndrome: “I’m just pretending to be competent” or “I don’t deserve this.”
4. Negative self-talk: “I’m not worthy” or “I’m not deserving.”
5. Fear of change: “I’ll lose control” or “I’ll be uncomfortable.”

I wouldn't say I've ever really suffered from fear of failure tbh, I don't mind failing and learning in the process. I've never suffered from imposter syndrome, and not really fear of change either- I've lived with different flat mates in different cities, I've travelled a lot, I've tried different poker formats (starting off in mtts then converting to cash), and I've tried tons of different sports over the years- football, golf, tennis, bouldering, running, yoga, snooker/pool/darts, weightlifting, swimming, hiking etc. I really try to force myself to do new things so that I do not experience the same day on repeat for years on end.

However, I guess I suffered a lot in the past from self doubt and negative thoughts. I am much better nowadays through a combination of meditation, reading/learning, introspection and by adopting healthy habits that put me in a better mood- which is also a great way at quietening negative thoughts.

I remember one time (over seven years ago) a girl asked me what my biggest fear as, and I literally said something along the lines of 'being at football and everyone picks a partner but I am left alone'. I noticed this translating to girls too, where as soon as another guy was interested as well, I would self sabotage in some way to protect myself from being rejected and the other guy being selected ahead of me.

This wasn't rational in any way, because I also knew I had a lot going for me.

I was actually playing golf earlier this year with some random older brothers (they were probably in their early sixties) and one of them said he was a child psychologist, and at one point in the round asks me if I'm a middle child (which I am) then proceeds to tell me how they are often the most messed up of the three psychologically speaking because the eldest brother receives a ton of attention because he is the first, and the youngest gets coddled because he is the last.

Then there's the middle one.

I never really thought about this tbh, but after he mentioned that, it kinda made sense. I guess there was some kind of deep rooted ineferiority complex that then transferred in to my teenage, and eventually adult life. The reason that I feared being selected last when asked to partner up at football, was because I felt that way growing up from my family- even if they didn't consciously/intentionally do this.

Anyways this is already pretty open so I shouldn't go too deep, but at the same time writing this out also helps me to identify my own flaws and to connect the dots in a clearer way. Plus it might help other people as well, or enable them to identify their own limiting beliefs!

The cool thing about living alone for the first time is that you spend a lot of time by yourself, so it forces you to get comfortable in your own company. I think that a big reason that people jump from relationship to relationship is because they are scared to be alone.

For example I had a friend who, a couple of years ago, was dumped by his girlfriend at the time. We went for a walk and he was telling me about how life was pointless unless you shared it with a partner. He told me he was depressed and essentially needed a girl to fill that void.

Well, he ended up finding another girlfriend relatively soon after and they have been together ever since, but essentially he has just ditched his friends and spends almost all of his time with her. On a night out he would hold her leg when they were sitting down and walk up to the bar with her every time she went for a drink.

So it's kind of weird because on the one hand you could say that the single person is 'bad' at relationships and that the personally constantly in relationships is 'good' at them, but is that a healthy relationship? Is putting all your self worth and happiness in to another person really a good way to live? Is being depressed any time you become single a positive?

Of course there is a happy medium where you can be in a healthy relationship, which is probably what we should all strive for.

Anyways, I think the point I am trying to make is that we (most likely) all have some sort of limiting beliefs in our minds, that will show up in many different ways- whether that be relationships, our health, our career, our habits etc. We draw imaginary circles around ourselves and then live according to those circles.

My intention is to erase the remainder of the lines that still circle my mind.

I still experience some negative thoughts these days, of course, but I am so much better than 5-10 years ago.

Other circles that I have draw in my mind are-

1. Wanting to live abroad, but not pulling the trigger.
2. Reaching $2k and then just kind of being content at this stake, and not being bothered to play much higher. Despite having a fairly high WR and beating every stake I've put decent volume in to.

Next year I am going to do a lot more travelling again, and if I find a country that I am happy to move to (and it makes sense to do so) then I will move abroad. The plan is to visit my brother in Australia for a couple months at the start of the year, before returning to sell my house etc and then probably go some place else- like Thailand for a bit.

But in all honesty I have no idea what next year will bring because I am unsure if I will even play poker next year. I kind of feel like I need a break from it as I'm a bit burnt out from 10+ years of grinding- actually over 11 years of full time poker to be precise, as I quit University in September of 2013.

In that podcast the guy said something along the lines of- you have to decide what phase of your life you are in, because nobody can focus enough energy on their career/becoming wealthy, maintaining/creating relationships, your health/exercise, learning new skills/habits etc. We have to prioritise some of them while (at least for the time being) put others on the back burner.

So my twenties, for example, were about playing a lot of poker and making a decent amount of money. They were also about adopting a healthy diet and exercise regimen, and improving my mentality through meditation, reading books etc. I started to travel a decent amount too.

However, they were less about dating and forging new friendships- though I still made some effort in the latter regard. They were less about learning new skills (for example investing, or DIY) and more about honing my poker skills.

This week I have not really felt like playing poker. I played like two times, but even then they were relatively short sessions. Instead I kind of just felt like socialising- chatting to girls at the gym, or on a dog walk, chatting to random people in the pub while I watched the rugby (today I ended up sitting with a woman and her mother, and then some other random guy joined us too lol). Reading. Listening to podcasts- about money, toxicology, politics etc. I feel like there is so much to learn in the world and every day it's quite exciting to learn about something that I didn't know much about.

I have been getting up and leaving the house first thing to walk Rocco, and walking him last thing at night. I am getting in 15-20k+ steps per day and also going to the gym/yoga etc most days. Compared to when I am having a grind day (when I'm not dog sitting) and don't leave the house once, and maybe do like 5k steps.

I also feel like I want a girlfriend relatively soon. So I will make more effort in that regard in the coming months too. I went through a red pill phase a couple years ago where I would watch a bunch of that content on Youtube where a woman divorced a guy and took all his money etc, but I think that, ultimately, we just have to take that 'risk' if we want to feel fully fulfilled in life. I've gone off that stuff now tbh and now I would be open to marriage etc.

I often think about the 'yin and yang' concept.

I thought this was a cool description of it-

Yin and yang are not absolute opposites, but rather complementary and
interdependent forces

If we are disagreeble then an agreeable person compliments us. If we are indecisive then someone who is decisive compliments us. If we are masculine then someone who is feminine compliments us.

We seek out our opposite energy polarity and then become one (yin and yang) together. I guess that also explains the 'opposites attract' phrase that is commonly used.

Anyways this is a bit of a random post that doesn't really hold any relevance for a poker blog, but these were just some thoughts on my mind and I felt like discussing these things. I'll probably go back to playing poker again next week, or at the very least get in the odd session when I feel like playing (and when the games are running).

GG.

$2k 3 handed

Bluff, bluff, call?

Update

For the past month or so I have been focusing more on social activities, on my health, and then simply playing poker when I have the time and when I am motivated to do so. In the past I was always someone who would organise things last minute- for example there were times when me and my friend would be booking our holiday accommodation as we were sitting at the airport, waiting to catch our flight. Nowadays I prefer the clarity that creating plans in advance provides.

I think that something that doesn't get talked about often enough in poker is how too much freedom (which we all have as professional poker players) can actually be detrimental. Assuming that we sleep for eight hours per day, then that gives us sixteen hours per day in which to work (play poker), exercise, socialise, read, study etc in. That sounds like a lot of hours, which it is, but it is still easy (at least for me) to allow these hours to slip by, without having played poker, without having done any reading and sometimes even without, now the weather is cold, leaving the house!

We have so much freedom as poker players, that sometimes it can become stifling. Our freedom is in fact our prison cell. Playing poker becomes an option. Studying becomes an option. Exercise becomes an option. Reading becomes an option. Socialising becomes an option. Youtube, social media and television are more than happy to suck up that mental indecision and have us hooked for hours and hours at a time, with almost zero reward for our troubles.

Even things such as podcasts, provided they have good hosts and good guests, can educate us and make us smarter. I have honestly learned so much from the hours that I have spent listening to podcasts. Sure not all of what every podcast host/guest says is true, but then again I don't expect ANYONE in the world to only say things that are 100% factually true. We all have biases, we all have blind spots, we all have knowledge gaps and we all have some level of ego that will (often) be unwilling to accept that we are wrong, even when we know that we are.

When we play poker- we make money (assuming we are +EV players).
When we study- we improve our understanding of the game, which then leads us to indirectly making more money.
When we exercise- we improve our cardiovascular fitness, or we build muscle, or we lose fat. We extend our lives and we boost our mood.
When we read- we learn new information, or we are absorbed in to the plot of a novel. We extend our attention span. We get off technology.
When we socialise- we connect with other people. We practice and refine our verbal skills. We share experiences that we may remember for a lifetime.
When we listen to a podcast- we learn and absorb new information. We can multi task and transform a seemingly mundane task (such as driving long distance) and make it in to a learning experience.

We know that by playing poker, studying, exercising, reading books etc that we are being 'productive' and thus improving the overall quality of our lives, so long as we don't fixate too much on one of these components and instead try to diversify as much as possible- meaning that we don't ONLY play poker. We don't ONLY exercise or socialise. We try to have a good balance of all of these healthy habits and routines.

However, with so much freedom I often find myself mindlessly watching Youtube for hours, or commenting on news articles, or getting in to pointless online debates. It's easy to tell ourselves that we will study later, or we will grind later, or we will exercise later, then watch as the hours slip by as we watch TV, before realising that we no longer have enough time left in the day to achieve all of these productive, daily goals, and now we need to select which one(s) to complete and which ones to leave for another day.

Compare that to someone who has to head in to work for 9pm and who will be working in the office until 5pm. He has deadlines to meet. He has a boss and coworkers watching his every move. He simply cannot sleep in and arrive at work at 11am. He cannot start the day off with a Youtube binge. He cannot take the day off because he doesn't feel like playing.

He has to show up. He has to work. As a result he WILL work. Then, safe in the knowledge that he now has the remainder of the day (after 5pm) free, he will feel a sense of lightness. His work for the day is done- now he can enjoy some relaxing time to himself, or some (slightly less relaxing time) to himself working out at the gym, or he can catch up with friends and go for drinks, or watch a film or two.

Anyways, I am not trying to say that working a 9-5 is a good thing, but I think there are certain positive benefits from having less ambiguity about our upcoming day.

For example, today I had a busy day. I woke up at 10:30am, chilled in my bed for thirty minutes, then took Rocco for a walk for about an hour. Then I came home, made breakfast and watched a decent chunk of Grant Horvat's two hour long major 'cut series' video (I wouldn't classify this as mindless Youtube watching as it's almost like a film in terms of length, and I watch every single one, compared to watching an assortment of random, unrelated ten minute long videos with no intention behind your decision to watch them).

At just after 1pm I decided that I needed to do some work on the house/garden, so I sorted out a bunch of vinyl flooring that I'd tossed in to the shed and procrastinated about for months, and took it to the skip. That allowed me a short fifteen minute break before starting my 3pm study call, which I waited around for around thirty minutes before realising that they probably weren't coming along- and there had been some sort of misunderstanding. So I ended up doing an hours study by myself (on bvb), washed the dishes and then went to a yoga class at 5:30pm. Upon returning from the yoga class, I made dinner, watched the remainder of Grant Horvat's video, then got on the grind, playing for about two hours as the games were pretty dead and I also needed to take Rocco on a short walk to go to the toilet etc. I ended up battling $2k three handed for most of the session, which was fun, but a little frustrating as I was up two buy ins at one point, before losing some pots back and finishing up a buy in.

Then it was time to walk Rocco, get involved in some pointless online debates on the BBC website about the Ukraine/Russia war, before heading back up to my office to write this post (it's currently 2:17am as I speak).

There are days where I waste so many hours in the day- whether that be laying around in bed after waking up, watching Youtube, or scrolling through social media. Having no set poker schedule an sometimes be very detrimental, even though (on the surface) it seems like a blessing. But on days like today, when I have lots of things to do, and much of the day is already planned in advance (walking Rocco first thing, the poker study call, the yoga class etc) then I feel better. I feel like I have purpose. I appreciate the short breaks watching Youtube, because I know that in fifteen minutes I have something else to do. There can be freedom within the constraints of a schedule. There can be no freedom within the endless possibilities of a day void of any plans or schedules.

I think that's why Jocko uses the 'discipline equals freedom' phrase. Without discipline, without schedule, without planning then we lay around wasting large swathes of time and getting no closer to our goals or targets. We may think that having so much free time would enable us to learn a new language, to read multiple books, to make lots of friends or to go on plenty dates, to exercise and become shredded, but the reality is that we often use this lack of routine to instead do pointless things of no ultimate benefit.

A dog forces you to get up at a decent time and walk him first thing. This starts your day off in a positive, productive manner. You have exercised, you have gotten outside, perhaps you have interacted with some people during the walk. Compare that to when I am not dog sitting. I can lay for hours in my bed trying to fall back asleep, or watching random Youtube videos, before getting up.

This freedom and lack of responsibility can quickly become a curse.

Tomorrow I will get up at a decent time, I will walk Rocco first thing, and then I will have a productive day. I want to live each day with intensity and avoid taking time for granted. Perhaps, for a moment, I will wish for an extended stay in bed, as I check the weather app and look at the cold weather outside. But I know that, despite by reduced 'freedom', I will have a more enjoyable day as a result of getting up and outside.

It's currently 2:30am. I have been awake for sixteen hours. Now I can finally relax, make food (hitting my daily caloric target) and watch some (mindful) Youtube, because I have earned it.

GG.

Haha nice one, I am glad that you enjoyed that story! It's funny because with dogs every day seems like a 'new' day to them, where as with humans it can seem like we are merely living the same day on repeat-meaning we lose enthusiasm for each daily activity, chore, task, exercise etc once we become accustomed to them.

He gets incredibly excited whenever I make his food, despite the fact that he eats the same thing almost every day. Whenever you say about going on a walk he reacts as if he has just shipped the Sunday Million. Animals, and especially dogs, live in the present moment very well, where as we tend to (usually) live in the future or in the past.

Rocco is a ten year old golden retriever. I will make sure to attach a photo in my next post, of him! Do you have any pets?

Your English seems good to me! And thank you for the kind words :)

Hey mate, thanks for asking! I am actually doing pretty well recently. I organised plans with friends/family for the past four weekends and now I am looking after my parents dog for the next couple of weeks as they are away on holiday. I have been playing poker sporadically, but when I've been playing I'm playing pretty well.

The reason that I've not been posting any updates recently is cos my last couple posts didn't really seem to attract much interest, and my last post actually took 1.5 hours to write lol. So I just felt like I could make better use of my time by doing other things.

Anyways seeing as you sought to see how I was doing, then I will make sure to post weekly again for the remainder of the year- even if some of the posts aren't too interesting for others. I guess I am kind of 'spiritual' phase where I am mostly trying to focus inwards so that I can be 'happy' as often as possible, while relying less on external factors for happiness. Which is why I focused more on that topic in the last few posts.

I will write out a post tonight with a proper update! And how are you getting on?

Gotta respect the bluff!

Action turn!

The power of now

This year, so far, has been a bit of a strange one. My poker volume hasn't been amazing, but I have actually been pretty consistent in playing and I grinded both SCOOP and WCOOP for the bulk of both months. What has cost me volume is the fact that 500z continues to rarely run, and even getting volume at $500/$1k/$2nl tables can be a bit of a challenge on Stars recently. I played $5k a couple of times in September and then I've never really seen it run again (on Stars) since then. This has meant that I've even had to play some 200z recently just to increase the hands per hour, which isn't ideal given I could be shot taking $5k right now.

Of course I could be playing on other sites, but I still greatly prefer Stars to any other site out there and I also like knowing which player is who- something that I have no idea about on other sites, for the most part.

I've made a small strategy tweak this year because I wasn't overly happy with my win rate for the previous two years, and I also felt like I was giving too much respect to other regs in some regards (but I don't want to get in to specifics).

Anyways, overall I am feeling pretty good on the poker front and I'm much better this year at shifting my poker logic from one stake to another- something that I struggled with in the past. If I was playing a session then I would tend to just play the same (roughly speaking) on all my tables. Whether that be the $2k table or $500nl. It can be difficult to think simultaneously on 4-6 tables about your poker decisions, while also trying to take on spot from the $2knl perspective and the other spot from the $500nl (or perhaps even 200z) perspective.

At the moment I feel like I've trained up my brain pretty well this year to the point that I can think in different ways while playing hands at the same time, at vastly differently skilled stakes.

I guess what a lot of this boils down to is being present or not. When we are grinding a session, the bulk of our decisions are somewhat automated- we know (roughly speaking) our 3bet ranges from every position. We know (roughly speaking) our 4bet ranges, our SRP opening ranges and our bb defence ranges. We know what boards to big bet and what boards to small bet, we know what boards to range bet and which boards to split on. We know who are the nitty regs and who are the bluffy regs. We know x combo makes a good bluff on certain board textures, but how y combo is a much better river give up.

Most of our in game thinking is about maintaining focus, making small tweaks to our strategy based on our opponents, or when we play a weird spot that we have basically never studied before. The vast majority of our game is done on auto pilot, assuming we have reached a fairly competent stake level where we have a good understanding of pre flop ranges and how the post flop game is supposed to function.

However, it can get to the point where too much is automated, and not enough of our game involves actually thinking. When we are playing the same style at a stake 1/10th of our higher buy in, then this is more to do with automation than logic. Logic would dictate some sort of adjustment in our strategy, but automation dictates that we play the same way, regardless of the stake. Of course this is the exact same when we play against different player types. Some guys are capable of bluffing in most spots, and other guys are nitty pieces of crap who have never shown down a river bluff in their lives. Yet we project bluffs on to both of their ranges, and we click call with our second pairs...

I've noticed that the same happens in our daily lives. Much of our daily lives are automated. We have managed to formulate a 'good strategy; when it comes to daily living. Perhaps this involves waking up at a reasonable time, having a healthy breakfast of (in my case) porridge oats, some sort of milk (typically coconut or oat), frozen berries, peanut butter and maple syrup. Sometimes this changes a little and I might switch the frozen berries to a cooking apple (stewing the apple first then adding the porridge oats at the end of the stewing process). Or perhaps I may add cocoa powder to add a different flavour dimension, or protein powder if I've been at the gym the previous day, or plan on going that afternoon. Sometimes I will mash up a banana and cook it with the oats- my chef friend showed me this, instead of cutting it up and topping the oats after they are cooked. Or maybe I will lose my mind and add a couple squares of dark chocolate to melt in to the porridge oats as they cook on the stove.

However, either way, I know pretty much what I am going to eat for breakfast every day. I have refined my porridge cooking from brick hard, clumpy oats cooked in the microwave, to smooth, creamy perfection, cooked on the hob. My porridge strategy (like my poker game) has been refined to the point where it's 90%+ automated.

The issue is that with automation comes predictability. We know what to expect, meaning there is very little fun involved, and very little room for novelty and creativity. When we play poker on autopilot, we lose the joy of finding a funky line, of pulling off a creative bluff or of making a wild hero call. And in our daily lives we can know what to expect before the day has even begun.

We know what we are eating for breakfast, with the exception of protein powder or not. We know what workout we are doing at the gym, we know what way we will walk to and from the gym, we know our methodology of study, we know what we will cook for dinner, we know what time we will start playing poker and we know the way that the day will pan out- perhaps with the exception of how our poker session will go!

Of course some of this automation makes sense, we don't want to wake up every day and have no idea what to eat for breakfast. Spending 1-2 hours walking around shops trying to get creative ideas for a good breakfast recipe. We don't want to show up at the gym and have no idea what we are striving towards- are we trying to put on muscle, build strength, improve our cardio or simply use exercise as some form of meditation, to cleanse our minds of the daily worries of life.

There is a thin line between too much automation and too little. We want to play good poker, while maintaining our capacity to find creative plays and make good deviations. We want to get in a good workout and progress towards our physical goals, whilst also maintaining some sort of novelty in our workouts. We want to walk around the city in an area that we enjoy, whilst also avoiding taking the same path every single time.

Over the past year or so I have been focusing a bit more on spirituality again. I have meditated most days for the past 5-6 years, and while that has helped me greatly when it comes to improving my confidence and overcoming insecurities and fears, I feel like it kind of stagnated and I wasn't really getting any better. It helps each day to a certain extent, more so to cleanse me of some negative thoughts etc, but my mind is still restless and I still think too much of both the past and the future. I wanted to be more present in my daily life, so that each day, even if it was a day of 'routine' where I was going to be playing poker etc, maintained some level of novelty and excitement. I don't want to know exactly what I am eating today, exactly what I am studying, exactly what time I'm playing poker, exactly what workout I'm doing and exactly what TV show I'm watching after the grind has completed.

So I started reading the power of now again. I have read it once or twice before, but probably not for a couple of years. The book talks about having an outer purpose (goals, destinations, achievements) and also an inner purpose- which is essentially to remain present in each moment.

Sometimes I find myself doing things as a means to an end. I will watch a film, but I am already thinking about the ending and what I am going to do when it's finished. I start a poker session and I'm already thinking about what I am going to eat afterwards. I step foot in the sauna, and I am already counting down the minutes until my fifteen minutes is up (which is why I now sit in a position where I cannot see the clock).

It's funny cos I talked about the book 'the wisdom of groundhog day' earlier this year, and how I wanted to apply some of the lessons within that book to my own life. I ended up buying the DVD for like £1, but it was tinted a weird shade of green when I tried to watch it on my PS2, so I never watched it. I had seen some of the film on Youtube years ago, but never the whole thing. Anyways, I am on Prime last night after my session and browsing the suggested films- most of which are James Bond, and up shows Groundhog Day! The film expires in four days, so needless to say I watched it right away.

I think it's actually the best every film, at least that I've seen, when it comes to meditation, being present and enlightenment. Phil goes through all the different stages of living when he realises he is stuck in a time loop- the initial fear/shock, then lust/greed, depression/hopelessness before eventually becoming grateful and fully present and appreciative of each day.

Initially he is Punxsutawney just to get the weather report over with. He is doing his job as a means to an end. His mind has already left the town before his body has. However, at the end he is fully present. He doesn't see people in cafe's, in shops, on the street etc as NPC's, he sees them as human beings who have likes and dislikes, dreams and goals, hobbies and interests. He sees them as people who are important to others- whether that be their spouse, partner or even a friend or family member.

I think most of us are like Phil at the start of the film. Perhaps we aren't as cynical as him, perhaps we treat others with more respect etc, but most of the time our minds are on to the next thing before we have finished the current thing. We look forward to holidays that are months away, we dread getting up in the morning for our run, or we watch a TV show whilst simultaneously scrolling on our phones.

What I've noticed since I started reading the power of now again is that I start to notice things again. Normally when we look in a food cupboard, much of the 'food' doesn't even process as food in our minds. Perhaps they are weird ingredients that we have never looked up a recipe to cook with. Perhaps it is something that takes hours to cook, so we leave it for another day. We use certain spices and sauces regularly whilst consistently overlooking others. Things become props in our lives that we don't even notice, because we are never truly looking.

For example, I have a small basket of books in my living room next to the TV, but I almost never look in the basked and instead I go to the library for a book, or buy one from a charity shop. The other day I actually seen it as a basket (instead of a prop in the background) and I took out a small book and started reading it again.

Anyways the point I'm trying to make is that when we spend most our daily on auto pilot, we don't notice most things. Strangers are merely NPC's who we rarely interact with, books gathering dust tend to gather more dust, weird ingredients lie in the cupboard until they go out of date.

My aim is to be like Phil at the end of the film. Appreciating each day, interacting with people whether a friend or a stranger, noticing the small things that we tend to take for granted on a daily basis, and living each day as if it of vital importance- which they are! I may have an outer purpose (whether that be poker related, fitness related, relationship related) but my inner purpose is the most important one. That means being as present as possible on a daily basis. This presence will lead to a much more fulfilling life- one that enables me to escape auto pilot and who knows, perhaps even take porridge off the breakfast menu for a while!

GG.

super1234 Yes that makes sense. Personally I would like to switch to a more 'early' wake up time in the future, but as long as I play online poker in the UK time zone then I will be waking up between 10am-12pm. It just doesn't make any sense for me to wake up at 8am if I'm not starting playing for another twelve hours.

I was just throwing up a random photo of Jocko's watch for motivation, not really for anything else. I agree that getting eight hours sleep (for me) is vitally important. Some people can sleep less though and feel just as refreshed.