I think if I had been introduced to poker in my teens, I might have attempted to be a professional poker player. I always loved and exceled at games, including Gin Rummy and Hearts and Bridge, which is what our family played. I was good at reading people. My mother was a vicious alcoholic and my siblings and I had to know where one stood before one opened one's mouth. I was very good at math. I took college level calculus in high school and got an 790 on my math SAT. This all sounds braggy but I don't care. I am dying of cancer and that gives me a certain license, IMO. I just want to give the relevant details. Even though I came from an upper-middle class family, I always haunted the fringes of society. That's where I felt most at home. My own alcoholism and drug addiction, (I have been sober almost thirty years,) had a hand in that predilection. I have a lot of good stories.

In any case, a little over three years ago, I was diagnosed with a rare blood cancer. I spent a month in a hospital, getting a autologous stem cell transplant, and receive chemotherapy monthly to this day. I am very fortunate. I tolerate chemo well, for the most part. My cancer and the chemo are currently maintaining a precarious equilibrium. The cancer, unfortunately, before it was diagnosed did a number on my spine, (the blood factory,). I am disabled as a result. No jogging. Sitting in a chair longer than 45 minutes creates problems. But that's the worst of it. My mind is dulled by pain and chemo a bit but not as much as I pretend when it suits me. I have health insurance. We aren't rich. But we have always been careful with money. And between social security, savings, and my wife's income, we will survive. Most importantly, I have a beautiful, brilliant, sweet, loving wife and a beautiful, brilliant, sweet, loving daughter who look after me with a kind of quiet courage which I can only admire in awe.

My main enemy is boredom. I can't stand television, for the most part. I am not a sports junkie. Reading is hard. My vision is a little blurry. And to be honest, I have read a lot of books in my life, perhaps my fill. After getting sober, I was a college professor, then a civil litigator. But I am at core a poet. I have published two books. (Actual books.) And my work has appeared in lots of journals and magazines. I did try my hand at writing a novel when i was quarantined for six months out of the hospital. I landed a good agent. A small publisher is considering my manuscript. But I don't expect they will publish it. It has been two years and no one had picked it up yet. Not giving up but not nurturing unrealistic expectations.

That's where poker comes in. About nine months ago, I made a list of things I always wanted to learn. French was number one. I had learned to read French in Graduate School but not speak it. After three months, I could do a passable job. Second on my list was poker. I was too busy representing assholes during the poker boom to be swept up but I wasn't oblivious. I always wanted to learn. So, about six months ago, I started studying. I studied for three months without playing an actual hand. I did buy a membership with APT so that I could progress against robots. (I might eventually do a blog post about my experience at APT.) A little over three months ago, I set aside a bankroll of $400, deposited $100 of that money with Ignition, and played my first hand of (.02/.05)5NL.

It has been great, A blast. I have been lucky. I am still playing on my first $5 buy-in. More importantly, I love how hard poker is. How much I don't know and how much I have to learn. I still study quite a bit. I would say my day is split evenly between off table work and practice on the felt. I love the mental game. There is so much about having the right attitude about poker which, I think, applies to having the right attitude about life. Poker entertains me, keeps me busy, gives me something to think about, and presents challenge after challenge, I don't think it is too much of an exaggeration to say that poker helps to keep me alive. I am a super organized dude. It is nice to have something to put in the schedule blocks.

So, thank you poker. Thank you, poker players. For the most part, the poker community has been kind, generous, and honest with me. I truly appreciate that. I don't want pity. Sorry. That's too easy for both sides. Life is life. Everyone has shit they have to deal with. I am one of the lucky ones. I do want to give a special thanks to RIO, however. I heard Peter Clarke on an archived episode of Smart Poker Study and thought, "Hmmm...he seems like a reasonable and articulate guy. Not sentimental. But not an asshole either, And, to be honest, I really liked the price of FTGU too. So, I took the course. So helpful. Really solidified a lot of stuff I hadn't quite grasped yet and introduced me to a lot of stuff I look forward to working on more. Forward into the breach!