I've been struggling a ton with tilt lately and thought it would be a good exercise to start keeping a journal.

I've been playing poker professionally for almost two years. I have primarily played in live limit holdem games, but I've recently been trying to build up some money on Bovada. The tilt aspect is so much harder to deal with playing online than it is live, the decisions and beats come at you much faster. I think the biggest reason for my tilt is frustration and fear. The frustration comes from my lack of progress. I've been able to keep up with bills, but I'm in roughly the same bankroll situation I was two years ago and I feel like I've basically gotten nowhere. I've been able to travel and I've had a ton of freedom, so logically I know it's not as bad as it feels, but it still feels like I'm failing by merely treading water.

I've read quite a bit by Tommy Angelo and Jared Tendler, I've listened to a lot by Elliot Roe. I've been meditating every day and I do quite a bit of rock climbing to keep up on the exercise. Hopefully by mapping out my thoughts on poker and life here, I can recognize some patterns, start to cure my tilt, and be happier with the grind of playing poker for a living or realize that my personality just isn't a good fit for it and start looking for a mechanical engineering job.