Hi, my name is Victor Deliman I am a professional poker player and a retired streamer. I started playing poker in 2021 (maybe you can find some of my old posts here) and I gradually moved up the stakes. Currently, I am playing 100-500NL on apps and 100Zoom/Rush. I am quite successful in the sense that my skill at the table is quite decent and I feel that I have a really good understanding of the fundamentals and where the money comes from as I have always been quite interested in studying and evolving my game. A lot of different players have coached me with a lot of different approaches. ATM I am playing a mix of MDA and GTO which I think is the best approach.

My problem in life and poker is the lack of consistency, this, I think, comes from my addiction to weed. I started smoking when I was 16 and from that point on I was pretty much hooked. It started off as a 1 time a week thing but it slowly became an all-day day thing. In the meantime, I had done all the drugs that you can imagine (even being addicted to cocaine for 6 months). In the last 4 years, I have gotten myself clean from all drugs and alcohol except weed, and is taking a toll on my mental health and my ability to be consistent.

I have tried to quit countless times but for some reason, I always come back to it. I go through this cycle of

1. Playing fully baked for some time and working decent (not at my 100% tho and not ever hitting my volume goals)
2. Burning out. After a couple of days/weeks, I feel sluggish, tired, and bored and I quit playing all tougher maybe for a week or so when I just smoke and do nothing.
3. Realizing that this is most likely just from the weed (because when I do go sober I have no issue grinding) and wanting to quit.
4. Quitting phase which is quite pleasant. I have no withdrawals because during the last couple of years, I reduced my consumption to a maximum of 0.3g a day and I can function properly.
5. Relapse.

For the relapse phase, I can say that there are many triggers, like stress, anxiety, boredom and even winning a lot one day. I have regulated all my emotions for the last 7 years and I am 100% bored of this cycle. I know that sober me is 10 times better at literally everything I do. Even in this sample I posted I know I could have crushed it at a higher win rate if I was actually present and not autopilot half the time.

Weed made me lose interest in stuff that I enjoy like coaching poker or making YT videos. Back in high school, I was one of the best debaters in my country and I enjoyed that as well but after I started smoking I lost all interest in that. I don't want to lose interest in the things that make me happy and fulfilled, I am tired of the boredom that weed creates, and I am tired of chasing even more dopamine after I smoke like watching shorts or eating shit.

What I can say that I am happy about is that in spite of this addiction, I managed to learn a lot of poker and I am really consistent with my BJJ training 4-7 times a week.

I want to change and I will change. I have some goals that I want to achieve this year and I truly believe that this is the best time to do it.

1. Quit weed.
2. Ask my girlfriend to marry me.
3. Play 80k hands a month.
4. Start coaching again.
5. Strat building my social media again.
6. Get to 73 kg.
7. Go to the BJJ European tournament.

I believe that this will be my year of actual progress.