In ancient Greece, the temple Apolle at Delphi bore several inscriptions, among them this one-nothing in excess-a hint to keep it balanced, if you will

The Greek had the maxim "Know Thyself"

Subbed, best of luck with your life

Week two under the belt.
Projects.

1. Play 50nl for at least 30k hands and prove a decent winrate, minimum 5bb/100.
   Halfway-ish, had some 50nl hands prior to start of project, but will only count the ones I play after having decided to take on this project. Definitely less stress with regards to monetary value, not that I have been scared money, just the impact of taking bad beats and risk of clouded decisions. That said, had a rough stretch losing 7 bi`s within 1k hands at zoom, mostly coolers and flips not going my way: these hands would have had a greater negative impact I assume, if at 200nl. At 50nl I did not fall into the trap of indulging, irritated, but not tilted. My belief is that I probably rose to fast in stakes, missing out on the mental stamina that needs to be nurtured alongside strategical insights. My weak mental game spot negatively fed on this.

2. Study habits. Much to be desired still. I usually get the itch to play when I study and it breaks my concentration. Balancing family, work, study, poker and taking care of my self with regards to eating healthy and exercising has been a bit haphazardly and I am moving with baby-steps towards a more scheduled and directional approach. But I am moving and I am learning/reinforcing more about the how`s of it. Back to basic is the goal, and I know what to study, and I am exploring processes to find the ones that suit me better.
   Hand-history review has improved for one, I narrow down the specifics of what I am looking for and can run through 1-2k hands within a reasonable time-frame, as I am not losing myself in a hand on tedious tangents.

Lifestyle change.
Positive feedback from family. And it has not been the case of collecting myself before I socialize. Zero rants in Pat`s direction. Much better mood in general. Still reading my books, and contemplating. Way better then just a month ago, when I entertained the idea of being a failure, cursed with bad luck, and felt miserable.

Still running good.

Gl mate, subbed. The mental side really is the hardest.

Week 3 is closing in on an end. Today the weather is amazing and I might just prioritize spending it outdoors with family.

Project 50 nl, 30k hand minimum, reach 5bb/100.

Reckon I`ll be done next week with volume, and currently the bb/100 is good. Happy with how I play and how I run :). Massive shift in where I direct my attention. Played about 10k hands break even, coolers and also bad plays. Previously this would have been my sole focus and I would have spiraled into all kinds of victimized thoughts. This week my centre of attention has been structured leak-finding, a welcomed break from obsessing over run.

Study habits. Back to basic.

Looks promising. After feeling overwhelmed and sometimes directionless/helpless (ties in with obsession over run) with how to study, a functional and directional pattern that works really well for me has emerged. In short, regular hand-history review and pick the lowest hanging fruit first, then conscious effort to integrate the desired correction.

And this is the shocking part, I have had my head so far up my arse for so long I have neglected what has been right in front om me all the time. Nothing I now see, has not been made extremely clear to me by Pat previously, repeatedly. My twisted thinking and observer bias has prevented the core of me to really believe. And I make A LOT of mistakes, mind blowing how I have pulled a curtain over my own eyes and selectively neglected all my errors. Specifically I recollect how I felt reading the blog entry in his Mobius post on why you are not winning, and felt hurt. I was doing all the right things I imagined, but I was wasting valuable time dug in the bad beats and excusing my shortcomings, to the extent I failed to make effective study and improve my technical insight. Further fueling my warped state of mind, a terrible downwards trajectory affecting my general well being.

So here's my theory: I think if you're losing at low stakes, which despite the rake, should be the easiest place to win, then you are breaking down at the logistical level. That means there is something fundamentally wrong with the way that you approach poker as a profession.

This is the truth!

Lifestyle change.

I am thankful for Pat giving me an ultimatum. The last month or so has been rewarding on many levels, notably quality of life and my general frame of mind. Not to exaggerate, but I came across this quote and whilst not on point to the topic here, it draws parallels-

man has two lives, and the second one begins when he realizes he has only one

.

Week 3, running good.

Challenge completed.

Feels good to have played nearly 4 weeks and not been hung up on run. High level of focus and sound mental game state. Looking at the sample it is obviously not large and I am not drawing any conclusions as to true win rate. Checking my graph I had 3 swings downwards that were 8 BI sized, and 3 upwards that were 10 BI sized, lots of small 2-3 BI ups and downs. 15k hands were the longest break even stretch. Just happy to have had a good mental state throughout the challenge.

Study habits. Humbling to realize I am making mistakes all over the place, and it has helped me shift my focus from victim of bad luck to I have room to improve, and lots of it :).
Pleased with how I have organized my routines even though there is much to be desired still.

Lifestyle change.
No rants in Pat`s direction, and I had not the urge either. Such a relief (for me and I am certain, Pat :). Regular hikes, eating better/healthier, and zero alcohol for the last 2 weeks (I am not giving up drinking, I love beer, wine, nice food and fun times waaay to much), together with a conscious effort to keep a positive outlook is the way. Not all roses, but the essence is there.

Nice blog mate! I have actually found journaling and posting graphs everyday has helped me to deal with variance better. Also as you alluded to consistent study always helps, gives you something constructive to focus on everyday and stops you wasting mental enerygy on that flip you lost etc.

Are you moving up to 100nl? Imagine you will crush it pretty hard with your MSNL experience. GL!

@CatorMan.
Ty!

Yes, next project is 100nl, 40k hands minimum, but will play until win rate is 5bb/100+. And if I drop more then 10 BI, move back to 50nl until it is recouped.
Study habits is ongoing project. Will keep to what I have done so far for a lot longer, and try to improve on my revision and memorization techniques.

Best of luck to you as well, unless you play me :)!

1 week back at 100nl.
Project. Minimum 40k hands, and play until bb/100 is 5+.
Best downswing I have had so far. Meaning, it seems I am growing stronger from a mental game pow and I have not cursed the run. The most objective I have been in a downswing. It has been a case of having the worst premium in a lot of pre-flop alins, and some coolers. Ran well in flips, and then butchered a couple hands :). It will even out.

Project. Better studies.
Continued progress, and improved on regular review and revision. Setting daily/weakly/monthly goals and keeping up the pace. Promising.

Lifestyle change.
Nearly done with "Grit" by Angela Duckworth. Reflecting on the previous books I have read and the relevance for me still. Regular hikes, and making sure I am social with family and friends.

It is going to take the time it is going to take.

Hi,

very interesting read overall. Would you recommend the book? I read a summary of it, I am wondering if it would be worth paying for it. Are there guidelines/examples on how to improve ones "grit"?
GL and it will take the time that is going to take! Something we want to ignore all the time...

Hi! Yes, I would recommend it. Not so much guidelines, but pushes in the right direction and some useful references as well, you know the drill, some pages are fillers, but there are many gems there imo. I particularly like the idea of sorting your chosen subject as follows.
Interest; what is it (in depth, what is it), what is your strategy to improve/acquire skill, why, and what are your hopes for the desired acquisition?

Temporary conclusion: I suck. I suck worse than someone who has practiced their whole life sucking and now is very good at it. The upside is, I can only get better. I know what I suck at :)

I`ve realized I am not very good at poker :)

It has been very surprising to learn that I have had a very cockeyed view of my actual skills and level of performance vs the imagined one at poker. The previous post, though meant somewhat humorous, has some deeper levels to it as well.

I will continue to carve out better and improved self management skills and strive towards high performance. Came across a decent youtube channel: Productivity game

Quick and easy to remember summations of essential takeaways from different books, and a good indicator if I`d like to read more.

Have a nice weekend all!

The 4 first months of 2021 has been really testing with regards to poker. The 100nl challenge is not going as well as hoped for, but my habits have improved. I have not gone into huge tilts because of run or whatever other excuse I have had, and I am looking at what I can improve on instead of spending much time looking at insignificant X vs Y`s with this or that outcome. Those will even out. But I have not been fault-free in this regard, just improved compared to previously. I have also decided not to move down as long as I am meeting my BR requirements for the stake.

Most of all happy with how I have kept on spending time studying, and the attempt to be at my best when playing.
From the productivity game youtube channel I found some advice that helps.
"The champions mind". Mental scorecard. 4 categories and a 1-5 scale point award system.
1. Belief-did I prepare so well I felt as I though could not fail?
2. Enjoyment- attitude of gratitude and a sense of humor throughout performance?
3. Self-talk- steady stream of positive self-talk?
4. Toughness- how quickly did I reset and recover after a setback?

So far at 100nl.

I am very impressed! I would kill myself (half joking) if I were down this much :)
It is a great step if you can tell that this is mainly variance/ in your control and it only affects your play to a small degree. Good luck for the turn around. (We are not playing the same limits, so go get lucky ^^)

Quick update. The bad run is not over just yet, brutal 2k hands and 10BI further down, acutally the downswing in it self was 20 BI over 2 k hands as I first won 10 and then lost 20 so fast my head was spinning :)..... topset lost to riverd quads, flop boat, villain runrun better one, etc etc. Very proud of myself to have not regressed heavily into self-pity and all sorts of ill mindsets. With regards to study this has been my most productive and organized period and I am looking to still improve on that.

I quit. 95% of sessions for the last 160k hands is like this, and to be honest it is my opinion that all my poker has been like this. No matter the work I put in the worse I run.
This is from 2 session, just shy of 3k hands. And I could just pile on. I know I am not an expert, but this is just not worth it. I feel like a shitmagnet and have all my life. My mental game has been the strongest ever, and my studies the most productive. But I may just have had enough. The game is not at all what I thought it to be.

Like I said last time: Congrats on handling it so far without losing your shit.
In a way I wonder though if the games you play in are fishy enough. I play lower, but when there are 6 regs on the table, you need to wonder who is really winning. And Poker is about making money. So, maybe change the site, play at other hours, play reg tables (if these are zoom). Change the pace of the game. Go down a limit, get confidence back up. Be aware of what your edge is. This may be helpful in dealing with variance. Try shorter sessions.
Plenty of options, meditate, exercise, take a walk and so on.
A lot of the stuff are coolers/variance as you know all to well. It hurts and so on, but from a bigger point of view it's part of the game you/we need to accept and cherish. It's what makes the game work in "our" favour. I am not good at handling these either, so it's easier said than done.
Good luck and may you get stronger out of it (also read I think Cyds blog, he experienced something like 55 Buyin Downer).
Grit was the book you mentioned right, maybe it's time to show it! :)

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $1.00 BB (6 handed) - PokerStars Converter Tool from http://flopturnriver.com

CO ($291.60)
Button ($121.66)
SB ($102.70)
BB ($446.04)
Hero (UTG) ($113.76)
MP ($115.01)

Preflop: Hero is UTG with A♥, A♣.
Hero raises to $2.50, 4 folds, BB calls $1.50

Flop: ($5.50) 9♠, 5♣, 7♦ (2 players)
BB checks, Hero bets $2, BB raises to $8, Hero calls $6

Turn: ($21.50) 10♥ (2 players)
BB checks, Hero checks

River: ($21.50) 2♠ (2 players)
BB bets $30, Hero calls $30

Total pot: $81.50 | Rake: $2.50

Results below:
BB had 2♥, 2♦ (three of a kind, twos).
Hero didn't show A♥, A♣ (one pair, Aces).
Outcome: BB won $79

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $1.00 BB (6 handed) - PokerStars Converter Tool from http://flopturnriver.com/

MP ($42.31)
CO ($122.90)
Hero (Button) ($100)
SB ($135.71)
BB ($136.67)
UTG ($104.92)

Preflop: Hero is Button with Q♠, Q♣.
3 folds, Hero raises to $2.50, 1 fold, BB raises to $11, Hero raises to $26, BB raises to $136.67 (All-In), Hero calls $74 (All-In)

Running it twice

: ($100.25) A♠, 7♣, 9♣.
First Turn: ($100.25) 4♠
First River: ($100.25) 8♣

: ($100.25) 6♥, 2♥, A♥
Second Turn: ($100.25) 3♥
Second River: ($100.25) 8♦

Board 1: A♠, 7♣, 9♣, 4♠, 8♣
Board 2: 6♥, 2♥, A♥, 3♥, 8♦

Total pot: $200.50 | Rake: $2.50

Results below:
Hero had Q♠, Q♣
Hero had one pair, Queens on the first board
Hero had one pair, Queens on the second board
BB had A♣, K♠
BB had one pair, Aces on the first board and collected $100.25
BB had one pair, Aces on the second board and collected $100.25
Outcome: BB won $198

Literally 2/5 first hands in after break. But I am at high spirits, for now.... last dance with the devil

As the lyrics goes: It goes on and on ........in just a 1k hands I am another 4bi below ev, total downswing is 80 bi+- or 14K if u like, below ev is 26 bi or 3k ish. Will post some graphs soon. Mental game is good though. And it feels ok to have a finite treshold, I will give it my all. And if I pass this point, I was 1, not good enoug, 2. Just that fucking unlucky

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $1.00 BB (6 handed) - PokerStars Converter Tool from http://www.flopturnriver.com

SB ($206.56)
Hero (BB) ($100)
UTG ($124.70)
MP ($100)
CO ($100)
Button ($222.86)

Preflop: Hero is BB with 10♣, 7♦.
UTG raises to $2, 4 folds, Hero calls $1

Flop: ($4.50) 9♥, 6♦, 8♦ (2 players)
Hero checks, UTG bets $2.14, Hero raises to $8.56, UTG calls $6.42

Turn: ($21.62) J♦ (2 players)
Hero bets $15.41, UTG raises to $30.82, Hero calls $15.41

River: ($83.26) 8♣ (2 players)
Hero checks, UTG bets $40.38, Hero calls $40.38

Total pot: $164.02 | Rake: $2.50

Results below:
Hero didn't show 10♣, 7♦ (straight, Jack high).
UTG had K♦, Q♦ (flush, King high).
Outcome: UTG won $161.52

PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, $1.00 BB (6 handed) - PokerStars Converter Tool from http://flopturnriver.com

SB ($110.49)
Hero (BB) ($147.32)
UTG ($65.36)
MP ($107.91)
CO ($107.72)
Button ($100)

Preflop: Hero is BB with K♥, Q♥.
UTG raises to $3, 4 folds, Hero raises to $11, UTG calls $8

Flop: ($22.50) 3♥, 3♣, A♥ (2 players)
Hero bets $7, UTG raises to $54.36 (All-In), Hero calls $47.36

Turn: ($131.22) 7♦ (2 players, 1 all-in)

River: ($131.22) 9♦ (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: $131.22 | Rake: $2.50

Results below:
Hero had K♥, Q♥ (one pair, threes).
UTG had 7♥, 9♥ (two pair, nines and sevens).
Outcome: UTG won $128.72

A Classic session. Play my heart out, only to be fucked by variance the last 10-20 hands and have zero to show for it. Greyhoundday

All my hands since xmas, 500nl, 200 nl 100 nl and 50 nl, thet are almost in succession. A downward spiral. Though game to have as an occupation.

Dropped a few K at 500, dropped down to 200, ran like a fkn turdm dropped to 100 ran stupdi shit, dropped to 50, ran gut, then jsut fucked every time I try to make a move. And I have to confess, my patience is fucked.

Why is the RL at 50nl shoot to the moon and other stakes its just flat? That might be something to look at. Maybe a change of scenery might help. Play on a different site. Lord knows Stars rake and rewards is fucked anyways. And tbf H1 wasn't really well played. Probably a fold pre, turn probably a small bet, and river a xf. But that's neither here nor there. Hoping things turn around for you.

This year so far has been the worst from a pokerdream pov, but has cleaned up a lot of my mental game. Saying that it feels a bit as regression looking at the form my posts are taking. The idea is to have this be productive.