Love Issues Highlight the Harsh Reality, My Life Sucks - It's Time to Begin to Live
Posted by 4-Star_General
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4-Star_General
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Poker Journals
Love Issues Highlight the Harsh Reality, My Life Sucks - It's Time to Begin to Live
I opened this journal a while ago and it was a failure, I wouldn't say a complete one, but indeed it was well below my expectation. What happened? Well, I was seeing a girl way older than me (16+ yo) and she literally sucked out my life, not with BJs unfortunately. I don't want to elaborate much for now, but if someone is interested I can do it for sure. Let's just say, she was a completely different woman when I've met her and I fall for her. The issue is the woman was just a product of my imagination, nothing was really there. I squandered One month exactly on her, constantly thinking her in a loop. One month totally wasted where I've played only 5k hands, studied close to zero and suffered a ton. I've lost 4 Kgs due to depression/anxiety and most importantly I've lost my smile; everybody noticed that. Rationally, I don't like her, not even close, but probably I'm attached to my first impression or probably I'm just angry to be angry, dunno, what I know is that I gotta get rid of her. 2018 began, not for me yet... it's time to make my first step toward my new life, it's time to say her my goodbyes. Tonight, that's exactly what's is going to happen.
My suffering wasn't vain, it highlighted something it was always there, but I was too blind to see: I don't have the life I've always longed for. If I had it I would kicked the woman ass long time ago, instead I've idealized her and totally forgot me. You know, if you live a life worth living, you won't spend your time with people you don't really want in your life. What I've done instead was to see her as a solution to my problems. Guess what? Problems would still remain, no matter how good she would be.
So in the end, It's all about me, the woman just amplified my condition, but she wasn't the source of it.
Anyway I'm 31, returned to live with my parents due lacking money, I don't enjoy life anymore, I don't buy a new piece of cloth since a year, I feel more alone than ever in the poker world etc. This isn't the like I was thinking years ago, not in the least.
I gotta be fair though, I got many friends who support me, I play poker and my gains are a direct results of my efforts. I have no shackles: no GF, no kids, no full-time job, no attachment that prevents me to leave my country. The real issue would be had married a wrong girl, had kids, had a hated job and other things, this would be tragic. So the big picture isn't that scary as I'm seeing right now, but it isn't an ideal one.
I will try to update as much as I can about my poker journey (more in the later posts) and about my life
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I think I have seen you in a skype group, you are one of the few guys there I've seen being active and helping out when I send hands, so thanks for that. Hope to see your progress in all aspects of your life. I'm so sorry to read some of the things you wrote, but it's impressive you were able to write about it here, wish you can start and continue the year with the right foot. Would love to help out with anything, but I'm just a whale playing NL5 and NL10. I'll sure follow your path. GL man!
Thanks for stopping by... well I'm in some skype groups for sure, last months I rarely posted advice, so you might recall wrong.
Regarding what I've wrote, it was really easy actually, no need to lie about anything :).
Anyway ty a lot for taking your time and write a post, I wish you the best man
ah, maybe I'm wrong then, I know you comment stuff here and there, anyways, you haven't said what and where you will be playing! GL
Finally Over
I asked to see her, without give her any hint of what would happen in a few hours. She said yes and told me, not asked, to take her a dessert. Obv I didn't take anything; I've done many many things, but it wasn't enough. She didn't expect me to show up, probably because I haven't replied her anymore... anyway she promptly asked for the dessert. When she realized I haven't any, she said:"Why are you here then?". Anyway she spent her last 20 minutes attacking me in any possible way, it was ridicolous. I don't want to dig too much, but her complaints were lol. The point is, she's unhappy with her life and has many problems, but I'm not the root of them... anyway she doesn't care and vomited all she got on me. When I had enough, I left her home, slamming her door, without any additional word. For me, it was the end, and I didn't have to justify myself more.
This morning I was wake up by a huge wall of text where she basically said she wanted this thing over. Probably she didn't realized I gave her the middle finger before, but I don't care, I let her to have the last word, who gives a fuck?
I want to be happy, I want to live a full life... instead in this last month my energy was depleted. Right now I feel empty. I don't suffer for love anymore, probably I haven't suffered once for her. The issue is the emptiness I'm feeling. I don't have energy to do the most simple things and this sucks obv.
This evening I will see here again at the dancing class, I don't think I have feelings for her anymore, but ideally I don't want to see her again. Shit happens though and I will see her again. I hate that I feel this way for a person I don't love, I'm sure it will pass very very soon and I will remember these days and laugh.
Now it's time to go out from home, stop thinking about this spot, and study.
Tomorrow I will post more about me and my pokerz.
Gl to me
Hello there,i subscribed to you and i will follow, i am preparing a similar thread on the Poker Journals for myself, not involving things for relationships etc but many things about my life and the way i want it to go, life status poker status and goals, wish you the best, good luck
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