Last blog sort of. Either an epic tale or a brief stint. Long story short, I started 2020 with $750, and by December 2020 I had $17k, today I have $600 and I can barely remember what it feels like to win a hand or have a premium hold. It is not the first roller-coaster. I began my poker-adventure when Moneymaker broke through and created the poker-boom, my first deposit was $200 and I ran it up to $58K in about a year playing mtts and sng`s, until a tilt-period had me blow it all on highstakes cashgames, believing poker owed me. Reason being I lost my internet connection whilst chipleading, 5x the 2nd place, an mtt with 20 players left and a 1st of 200k, I finished 20th. It was my dream crushed with significant ill timing in my life. Since then I have ran a couple of 100 dollars up to 10-20k a few times only to lose it all again. Seems every good run is offset by an equally bad or worse downswing. And this is probably why my mental game has been so fucked up, the bias is buying into the I am unlucky story and losing the belief that what I deduct myself is of worth something/correct, and have it accumulate.

I have had amazing methodology and content shared with me from brilliant minds, and still I have failed to break through. It has been suggested that poker may not be my game, and this is possibly correct. I have been in two cfp deals and failed both.

This is my swan dance.

I am going back to basics, in an attempt to rectify whatever false or incorrect foundations my plays are based on. I am attempting to get a thorough understanding of GTO and rebuild/regain my confidence. Or bust trying. I will study more then I play, and play lowstakes mtt`s and cashgame until increase in BR and proved theoretical understanding allows me to move up. Or I bust.

Played the 22$ scoop
Bust hand
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, 22 Tournament, 700/1,400 Blinds 175 Ante (6 handed) - PokerStars Converter Tool from http://flopturnriver.com/

Button (t37,416)
SB (t18,480)
BB (t47,923)
Hero (UTG) (t38,412)
MP (t45,393)
CO (t69,359)

Hero's M: 12.19

Preflop: Hero is UTG with A, A
Hero raises to t2,800, 1 fold, CO calls t2,800, 2 folds, BB calls t1,400

Flop: (t10,150) 2, J, 9 (3 players)
BB checks, Hero bets t5,075, CO raises to t17,752, 1 fold, Hero raises to t35,437 (All-In), CO calls t17,685

Turn: (t81,024) 10 (2 players, 1 all-in)

River: (t81,024) 9 (2 players, 1 all-in)

Total pot: t81,024

Results below:
Hero had A, A (two pair, Aces and nines).
CO had 9, K (flush, King high).
Outcome: CO won t81,024

Payed the 11$ turbo
Crippling hand, busted on the next with KQo vs A7o.
PokerStars No-Limit Hold'em, 11 Tournament, 1,500/3,000 Blinds 375 Ante (8 handed) - PokerStars Converter Tool from http://www.flopturnriver.com/

UTG (t29,320)
UTG+1 (t35,184)
MP1 (t65,512)
MP2 (t40,539)
CO (t40,253)
Button (t64,117)
Hero (SB) (t59,348)
BB (t20,287)

Hero's M: 7.91

Preflop: Hero is SB with Q, Q
1 fold, UTG+1 raises to t34,809 (All-In), 2 folds, CO raises to t39,878 (All-In), 1 fold, Hero raises to t58,973 (All-In), 1 fold

Flop: (t120,565) 7, 7, 10 (3 players, 3 all-in)

Turn: (t120,565) 4 (3 players, 3 all-in)

River: (t120,565) K (3 players, 3 all-in)

Total pot: t120,565

Results below:
Hero had Q, Q (two pair, Queens and sevens).
UTG+1 had 6, 6 (two pair, sevens and sixes).
CO had Q, A (flush, Ace high).
Outcome: CO won t120,565

Played a session of nl low stakes

I want poker to be intellectually stimulating. I wish for it to be fun: it is a long time since I found poker any fun. And I would welcome a positive stimulus to my income. I need it :).

So, Ikd, might be a entry or two and the I go up in flames, cursing my ill fortune, or a magnificent dance with the the devil in the pale moonlight.