After a good start to 2014 i had a horrible day yesterday losing 12 buy ins in 1500 hands (3 hours of play). It was a mix negative variance and me paying off on the river after villain takes check call lines. I recouped 4 buy ins by the end of the day (for a nett 8 BI loss) but the damage was done to my psyche. I was doing well each day this month thus far and wanted to ensure my bankroll is healthy so that i can move up. There are some clear errors i make when running bad and i've 'highlighted' them and made additional notes.

What i want to speak about is when i woke up this morning i had real fear/anxiety of slumping back into another downswing. There is accumulated emotion from a recent downswing and i really need a good month of January to start off the year and put me in a good position to move forward. Right now while i type i can feel some anxiety and i know that if i play now i don't feel like my percentage chance of playing well is 100% Sometimes i'm able to shrug it off and other times, the anxiety/fear looms inside my head and i'm sure would affect my decision-making ability OR at least cause me to use up more of my brain power than usual - so i may still be able to play solid B-Game but reaching 'the Zone' would be difficult. My confidence would then also feel slightly shaky. It helps that i've done plenty of theory so i am able to fall back on some sound knowledge when making my decisions BUT ultimately when i'm playing my best i'm finding great folds and maximizing value and i need high levels of focus to achieve this.

I want to be able to start fresh each day without the previous day's results affecting me. I think it would help if i found a way to remove some of my negative residual emotion i have regarding a recent downswing - and the possibility of future downswing(s). 

Some fear is good - it keeps us alive at times, but i don't want my fear of losing to prevent me from playing my best. 

what i have tried to do is use some of it as motivation to try play my best at all times. To play each hand very well. Sometimes if i play too many tables or if i am tired or if i begin running really bad, i lose this ability to maintain the discipline i strive for. 

i'm hoping that by writing this here it may be alleviating some of my fear. (it also goes in my Fear section in my mental game notes :))