I have never commented on your other blogs, but i have read through them all.

So happy to see this post!

Good luck!

glad you are back! :D And while I hope this wont be your last blog, I wish you all the best for the year.

How comes that you cannot play on GG HS? It s not restricted to uk players, is it?

Gl on your journey.

In!

In for another journey :)

Update- moving to Malta for a month and finding my Ikigai

Life-

Since i've been searching for a flat i have been living with my parents again, as it made sense to save some money from renting to go towards the flat. Now that that plan has been scrapped (at least for now) i will either have to rent somewhere in Scotland, move abroad or just randomly hop around places, like i am doing just now haha.

They decided to knock down a wall in order to connect the kitchen and the dining room and make it in to one big kitchen-diner. However, this would involve early morning starts from the builders and lots of smashing- not something that goes well for a poker player who is used to waking up in the early afternoon!

So with that in mind i contacted a poker friend and asked if he wanted to go to Malta for a month to ride out this period, experience some warmer weather than the 0C or so in the UK, see another new country and get on the grind. Thankfully he was keen and so we rented out a place on booking.com and booked out flights.

I have been here for almost two weeks now, and have around two and a half weeks remaining. I try to get out every day and spend at least an hour or two walking around, or reading in a nice garden or overlooking the sea. I spend the bulk of my daily life (as i am sure most people do nowadays) in front of technology in one way or another. So i think it's good to head out (without any earphones, not messaging etc) and just look around, then enjoy some reading.

I just finished a book called Ikigai, which (apparently) means- a Japanese concept referring to something that gives a person a sense of purpose, a reason for living.

I like that, and i also like how humble the Japanese people seem to be (at least from what i have read from the book). Apparently the Sumo wrestlers do not show positive, nor negative emotions after their matches, because they do not want to disrespect their opponents. Many people also apparently quit their jobs at a certain point in their careers to merely pursue something they are passionate about, even if that means a drastic reduction in wages etc.

In an era where we are always wanting more, this was pretty cool to hear.

However i still want to move up in stakes and bink some live tournaments, but i think in the future i will try and find my Ikigai in something like a food truck, or open up a store or a cafe or something. I don't really care about making six figures for the rest of my life. Once i've made enough money from poker to buy a nice flat or house and feel like i have had enough of the game, then i will just do a job that i enjoy, even if it means earning a lot less money than before. After all, we are all going to die eventually anyways, so it's better to spend your time doing something that you enjoy!

Poker-

I played just over 20k hands in January at cash games, and probably around another 10k or so at tournaments. Obviously i was moving around, seeing Malta etc so i didn't manage to get in a ton of volume, but i still hit my modest goal of 20k hands at cash for the month. The games are not very good at the moment anyways, so it's not a particularly good time to put in volume.

I was playing tonight and ended up battling some $1k and $2k for a while, as well as grinding some tournaments on the side. I think it's a nice 'cheat' code to get yourself to play longer sessions, by regging some tournaments at the beginning of your session, as you are force to play them until you bust them. So it makes sense to grind some cash at the same time (and thus get in more hands than you might have done, were you to have the opportunity to quit your sessions whenever you liked).

In all honesty i didn't play very well. I probably played B- or C+ game, with some good plays thrown in amongst some spazz and very sloppy lines. I think the lack of sleep last night was a fairly big contributing factor, and i guess i was also quite tired from the days study, coaching and also getting back in to the gym (i joined one today for a month that also has a sauna, swimming pool etc).

So tomorrow i am going to ignore my spot focused study and instead review hands from the session. I don't mind people being better at me at certain lines (as i can't study everything at once). However, what i do mind is when i don't bring my best game to the table, as this is MY OWN FAULT.

Anyways, at least i recovered some towards the end of the session.

GG, we go again tomorrow! Study then right back on the horse!

No pair, but a big heart

When a fish snap calls your 150% pot river value bet, you know you should have gone larger

Glad to see you're back posting. I've overheard regs in the Nagaworld card room out here in Cambodia talking about you amongst themselves. Keep on doing your thing dude

Update- getting back in to working out again

Life-

Since i got to Malta i had been planning on joining a gym, but i had been procrastinating to an extent and hadn't done so until last week. I wanted to join a place with a sauna, swimming pool etc so that i can also use the time after the gym as an opportunity to relax and get in to a better mindset for grinding and studying. Too many sessions this year i have not played my A game, which i think was either down to my excess study (i was trying to study every day for a year, but managed to do a month before i decided it was negatively impacting my game as i was getting burnt out before i even started, though i did still learn a lot so it was worth it i guess) or my lack of a regular workout/exercise routine. I am usually a very active person, but since moving back to my parents i had lacked motivation and just wanted to grind, study and find a flat asap.

However, you definitely notice a difference in your overall mood when you stop exercising (or at least do it much less often than before). Being in a worse mood tends to mean having less of a clear mindset to make good decisions in game, thus leading to more B and C game.

So basically exercising is +EV, and being a lazy bastard who lacks motivation to get on the exercise grind is most definitely -EV.

In a game of small edges, it was important not to shoot myself in the foot :P

I think i read in a book a while ago (i can't recall what it was) that it's a good idea to pair negative tasks or chores with positive ones, so that you stop associating those 'negative' tasks as being negative, and thus start to (perhaps) even look forward to doing them.

For example, with washing the dishes i realised that this was an opportunity to learn something as i wash them. So i either listen to a podcast (i just listened to Jordan Peterson's most recent one with Joe Rogan) or an audio book (today i started Eckart Tolle's 'a new earth').

So i think that by pairing the gym (which i used to enjoy by itself in the past, but got kind of bored of it in the past year or two) with going to the sauna, swimming and relaxing, then i have started to enjoy it again, and it's become easy to get out of the door and walk thirty minutes to it. I'm not saying that i am necessarily going to keep going for the long term, but at least in the short term i will continue to go for the forseeable future.

Poker-

As i alluded to in my previous post, my goals this year are to start being much more consistent in terms of what days that i play poker on. Roughly speaking, this is going to be my work week going forward;

Monday- day off from grinding (but not from studying, as i'd actually rather study on my days off so that i can fry my brain with information and not limit my ability to play my A game).

Tuesday- cash games+$1k Super Tuesday (i'll try to satellite in, but i might just start to buy in).

Wednesday- cash games+$215 Battle Royale

Thursday- cash games+$1k Thursday Thrill (same again here).

Friday- cash games

Saturday- day off from grinding (study until my brain is fried).

Sunday- tournaments+ cash games at the end of my mtt session when i'm down to a couple tournaments.

Rinse, repeat and take souls :)

I am also going to plan live tournaments in advance and grind more of them, so of course they will throw off my weekly routine whenever i play in them,

I have started to enjoy planning things in advance. In the past i was more of a spur of the moment person (or perhaps this was just an excuse and it was merely procrastination). I didn't enjoy routine, but after getting in to playing tournaments every Sunday towards the end of last year, it has snowballed in to this routine that i am currently trying to adhere to.

My study for the past month or so has given me great clarity in game in certain spots (though of course i still have a ton of improving to do in many other spots). It's really satisfying to see your study paying off and finding the PIO approved bluffs etc in weird situations, or using the optimal sizing's, or finding checks with hands that have a higher EV to check over bet because of their unblocking properties etc.

PIO is like a coded message that we are constantly trying to decode and understand. Maybe we can start to understand a few letters and form a word or two, which can then give us the rough outlines of a sentence etc. However, just because we look at a few sims does not mean we should be expecting to be able to decode the entire passage.

Anyways, tonight i decided to (after going to the gym and then hitting the sauna) study some bvb sims. It's safe to say that i fried my brain and it was even a bit of a struggle writing this up afterwards haha. It's quite overwhelming how much there is to study bvb- all the different lines, different turn and river cards, different post flop sizing's etc. Then, of course, 1755 flops to do all of that with :D

So maybe i am still a long way off perfect poker, but i am better than i was this time last week in terms of my understanding of the game. Hopefully that will yield me good results when i hit the tables.

GG.

Don't fold pairs

Do you think i was balanced here?

will probably reply later with more detail, but two things:
1) be kind to yourself :) "lazy bastard"
2) is it easy to compare EVs for different sizings? if so, what is the EV loss if you just choose 1 sizing on the flop + 1 on the turn? Because of simplification and executing your strategy right, this could make up the EV loss. but no idea of course, NL is quite more developed then other games.

The difficulty of switching between stakes

Poker-

So far this year i have played a mixture of different stakes. When i was in the UK i was able to play on GG, as well as Pokerstars and ACR, but for whatever reason, they don't allow me to play on the UK client while i am on holiday in Malta. This enabled me to basically avoid playing stakes like 200z as i could play 500/1k on there alongside my tables on Stars and ACR. However, with the table cap set at four on Stars, and sometimes not bothering to play on ACR, then i often seek to add in some zoom to boost my hands per hour. 500z rarely runs nowadays, so that doesn't leave me with many other options.

However, what i have noticed recently is that its very difficult to play one style at 200z, and a completely different one at $2k. At $2k people seem to grasp the concept (as they are very good players) that you need to mix, or randomise your decisions, especially on later streets like the river, otherwise i an incentivised to simply never bluff against them. However, at 200z my bluffs often seem to have no fold equity and my opponents seem to simply pure call against me.

It's the same situation when i play tournaments. Again my bluffs don't seem to have much fold equity and people are over calling.

So it can become very difficult trying to play, and execute one style at a certain stake, and a completely different one at another stake. Also, it's kind of boring when i am essentially handicapped to stop bluffing as they are all likely to be -EV against population. I like bluffing, for me it's what makes the game fun as anyone can value bet with a strong hand, but it takes skill (and heart) to execute a good bluff, especially on a funky line where its difficult to have many.

By no means am i saying that 200z players are bad, they are still good poker players, but there are obviously some reasons that they are not playing higher stakes, and having a binary mindset of 'i will call everything vs this player' and then not expecting them to adjust seems very suspect.

Anyways, what it highlighted is that i really shouldn't be playing any lower than $500nl, even if i have no tables running. It's better to come back at a later time and play, or grind the following day when more games are running, than to try and play several different styles of poker across several different stakes.

Perhaps if i was doing something like a 100k hand challenge at 200z, then i would enjoy finding exploits and adjusting to my opponents as my sole focus would be on this. However, that is not the situation that i am currently in. So my intention is to completely cut out 200z from now on.

I guess i am just a zoom guy at heart. 500z will always be my favourite stake, even if it has already died a painful death. I really like the 'get in lots of hands' aspect of zoom, and the fact that you can't bum hunt and get the seat on the fish etc as the tables are always rotating.

In terms of my regular grind, it has been very swingy so far this year. There haven't been a ton of fish online (which is obviously a problem) and i often haven't been playing my A game either for whatever reason. Like i said before, i have been battling a decent bit of $2k against some other really good regs. This format/stake probably gives me the most mental stimulation and enjoyment nowadays. In the past three handed was quite a big weakness of mines. I was leaking bvb from both the sb and the bb. But for the most part, i have rectified this. I have also been working on other common spots three handed (like btn vs bb, 3bet pots etc). Obviously i don't expect to have a huge WR against regs (if any) but it's fun trying to improve at this format, and obviously means that i will always have a seat at the table when the fish joins.

Sometimes you don't need to be technically 'winning' in a poker game, for it to be profitable. The future EV of a fish joining and you having a seat, is usually more than enough to offset any small losses from three handed. Though if we can become breakeven/profitable by becoming one of the toughest regs, then that is an additional bonus!

Life-

I had a friend come and visit me in Malta last week for a few days. We actually met through this blog, and met up when i was in Budapest last Summer. I hadn't seen him since, but we have kept in contact ever since, so i invited him over as we had a spare room at our Airbnb and he doesn't need a second invitation to visit a new country!

Unfortunately the weather was terrible and we got soaked a couple of times, but it was still good catching up, talking about poker and about life in general. It's actually funny because the guy i am on holiday with was also met through RIO. So it just shows that this forum is a great place to meet like minded people. Many of the nicest, most interesting people that i know have been met through this site. So even if i do not watch a ton of the training video content nowadays, i am still very appreciative for the website and for the opportunities it has given me to meet new people!

I only have a week here, so i am going to try and get out every day from now on and see different parts of the country. It's not really a country that i would look to move to permanently tbh (i preferred Budapest) but it was still definitely worth visiting. I really enjoy travelling, but it often highlights that what you have back home isn't so bad after all. For all of Scotland's flaws, it has lots of positives to outweigh any negatives.

I played until 7am on Monday morning, slept for five hours, done coaching and then grinded cash again. So i have just taken it easy for the rest of the day, and actually started to watch The Queens Gambit with my friend. I enjoyed the first episode, though it's pretty sad about all of the kids being put up for adoption. Even if it's a fictional story, this is the reality for many children around the country, and around the world.

Sometimes all a kid needs is some encouragement to show the world that they are a chess crusher.

GG.

cool bluff from my opponent

hero calling on mono board

Queens Gambit is quite nice - I found there were lots of parallels to the poker world.

What did you dislike about Malta? Maybe if you went there in April-June or September youd enjoy it quite more. What did you like about Malta?
For me it felt too small, though for vacation it was nice.

Update- playing my first live tournament since 2018

Poker-

When i was in Budapest i wrote down several goals that i wanted to do while i was over there. For me, writing things down and either setting some goals or a 'to do list' helps me to get out of my auto pilot and force myself to do things that are either outside of my routine, or out of my comfort zone. I pretty much done everything there that i set out to do, so i wrote a list again for Malta.

As i outlined in my original post, one of my goals this year was to play some more live poker. Don't get me wrong, i much prefer online, but i still think that it's important to mix up your life so that you aren't simply drifting through it and doing the same things day after day, week after week and month after month. My friend told me about a 550 Euro main event that was being held in Malta. It seemed like a nice buy in that would allow me to dip my toe back in to the live poker streets and see how things went. The last time i played a live mtt was also because of the same friend, who convinced me to play a £500 tournament when we were living in Edinburgh. I managed to final table that one, but punted off on the FT and got like 7th or 8th place (with around £20k+ up top). This tournament was bigger, with 75k Euro up top.

I decided to play the turbo Day 1, as it allowed me to begin at 9pm (around the time that i normally play at) and also enabled me to get out during the day and see some sunlight etc. On my first bullet i didn't really win a pot, and 4bet jammed around 45bb vs a button open and sb 3bet with 77. Perhaps this is a little too loose in a live poker environment, but i still think that people will 3bet a lot from the sb (hands such as AJ-A9o, KQ/KJo etc) that i will get folds from, and i am flipping vs AK/AQ. I was shown the bad news as he had 99, so that was GG on the first bullet.

I thought the second bullet was going to be short lived as i triple barrel bluffed in a 3bet pot, but fortunately got a fold after a long river tank from my opponent. After that some guy decided to flat call 76s and then snap call off vs my 30bb all in (i had AKo). The flop came down 853r, but fortunately the J/J run out spared any suck out. The guy seemed like a reg to me, but perhaps had a restaurant reservation that he needed to rush off to.

After that i managed to chip up to 140k, before finishing the end of Day 1 being fairly card dead and struggling to win a pot. So i entered Day 2 with just 82k chips.

On Day 2 i managed to win a few all ins early on, and played an interesting hand where a fish limps ep (he had opened 3.5x with A8s earlier on, so i assumed this limp range was weak). I Iso AJo and some guy goes all in behind me with like 10bb. The fish calls and then i back jam, thinking that he probably never has a decent hand but often has a hand like 66 that will fold vs a jam. He tanked for a while, squirming and then folds- apparently he had TT lol. My opponent had JT and i managed to fold on a KQxxx run out. So fortunately he folded, otherwise i would have been out (or at least crippled).

After that i hovered around the 20bb mark for most of the tournament up until the bubble. I had KK with 15bb against a loose opponent, and 3bet jammed my way in to AA. Fortunately there was a K in the window, and i held. After that i managed to chip up, and got itm with around 500k (starting stack was 50k).

Unfortunately my heater didn't last, and i couldn't get much going after getting itm. At one point i did get up to a million chips, but then the blinds increased and i started to get blinded away, before 3bet jamming my last 5bb on the final hand of the day with A9o and losing to 88. In all honesty i didn't mind busting, as the prospect of arriving on Day 2 with 3-4bb wasn't particularly appealing.

Overall i enjoyed getting back in to playing some live poker, though it was a bit awkward when everyone was speaking in Italian and i was just sitting there, not knowing what anybody was saying. I still definitely prefer online to live, but i think that its good to mix things up and throw a spanner in your routine every so often. I came in 24th place for 1750, so managed to make 650 profit (as i bought in twice).

I only played online three times online last week- twice at cash during the week, and once on Sunday at tournaments. Though i did obviously play two days of live poker (including a twelve hour day on Saturday). This definitely caught up with me on Sunday as i was pretty drained mid way through my mtt session, so decided to cut it short and avoid playing any cash tables (which i often do towards the end of my Sunday session).

Life-

I am going back to Scotland on Tuesday, so i will give a proper breakdown of my time in Malta when i get back. It's my last full day today and after just doing a coaching session there, i am about to head out and (finally) go and visit the Tarxien Temples, which should be interesting.

Let's have a good week! GG.

A pleasant river

Small pots matter

*Update- playing another live tournament and dealing with inner guilt*

Poker-

While i was away in Malta with my friend, we both agreed to go and play in the £1,500 UK Open in Coventry. It had a £1m guarantee, which probably makes it the biggest live tournament of the year in the UK (at least the biggest that has a reasonably priced buy in).

In total i had played in three live tournaments before this one (excluding the odd £10 rebuy ten years ago when i was starting out). My first one was a 1k at Eureka Vienna in 2014 (i think). I had a big stack on the first day, then punted off just short of the bubble. My second one was a £500 in 2018 when i was staying in Edinburgh, and managed to make the final table on my second bullet.

So before this year i had played two live tournaments, and now i have played two in the past couple of weeks. I obviously went deep again on my second bullet in the 550 buy in Malta event, before finishing in 23rd place. I was hoping for a similar run in the UK Open, but was secretly hoping i just didn't need to buy in several times because this was actually, funnily enough, my highest ever buy in for a tournament. Despite playing $2k regularly online, $5k occasionally and even $10k for the first time the other week, i have always been conservative when it comes to buying in to tournaments. However, i didn't need to sell any action for this tournament like i did for the 1k 8+ years ago.

So in that sense, it is cool how far i have come in the game! At that time i had around a $20k roll and had to sell 75% of my action, now i have a decent bit more than a $20k roll haha.

However, by no means do i claim to be an expert at live poker. I think i have played really well post flop in both tournaments this year, but a little too passive pre flop- folding some hands i'd usually open online and not 3betting as often. Part of this is strategic- i want to keep the pots smaller so that i can realise my post flop edge, and part of this is just not being completely comfortable playing live yet. At one point yesterday, when bluffing on the river (most of my bluffs got credit cos nobody seemed to know who i was lol) the guy in the seat next to me looked at me and it was like i completely seized up and gave off a massive tell lol. I think i am fine when the person is on the other side of the table, but not so much when they are able to look at me from within 50cm or so.

Fortunately he had a straight so he was calling regardless (that was what i was repping) but it's a clear sign that i need to improve my table image and especially my confidence when bluffing etc live, as i am not used to having someone stare at me on the river in a hand.

So what i need to improve in the future for live tournaments are as follows;

1- Read several books on live tells etc. Focus on developing a 'pre shot' ritual, so that i am doing the same thing before every hand. Perhaps buy a light scarf in the meantime to cover my pulse etc until i have more confidence that i am not going to give away any big tells.

2- Improve my table image. There are many players who i have strong suspicions about their actual poker skill level, but yet have very good table images. I think this automatically gets them more walks etc, which obviously doesn't happen online unless they know you are a very good player. At the moment i don't have this yet.

I am currently reading the book 'zen and the art of poker' and at one point it talks about remaining stoic whether you are winning or losing. I noticed in Malta when i was card dead towards the end of Day 2, getting frustrated and displaying a 'losing' table image of frustration, weakness etc. Yesterday i was much more conscious of this, so i made sure to maintain the same level of confidence, regardless of whether i was winning or losing.

3- Increase my pre flop aggression. It's good to keep the pots small in certain situations, but i think that i should also be putting the players to my direct right in the cage as they are out of position vs a better player (at least post flop) so they should be aware of this.

I can't say that i particularly love live poker, or live tournaments, but at the same time (imo) live poker is slowly dying. It's becoming much more difficult for fish to deposit (as well as regulars) and without fish, we are screwed. However, it's still pretty easy for a fish to get money out of the bank and buy chips at a casino.

So for the sake of my own poker career, i need to start branching off in to things such as online mtt's and live games. Expecting online cash games to be alive and kicking for the next several years is very naive imo. Sure, they will always be there, but it's becoming more and more difficult to get volume at the stakes that i play.

Another option, of course, is to move to a place where i can play on sites like Ignition etc, as i've heard that these sites are insanely soft and i am sure it's a lot easier to get volume there.

Inner guilt-

In terms of online cash, my volume so far this year has been extremely poor. Even as we speak, despite playing for 12 hours on Friday and 7 hours on Saturday, i am feeling a strong sense of guilt about my poor cash game volume so far this year. This is always my bread and butter, by far my strongest game, and i like to leverage this by putting in volume. However, with my recent foray in to live poker, and with playing online tournaments (mostly) every Sunday now, then my volume is getting worse and worse. Couple that with that fact that 500z doesn't run any longer, and 1k/2k don't run all of the time either, then it's safe to say that i am not on track with my cash game volume goals.

I was wanting to play tonight, but for whatever reason my laptop won't connect to the wifi properly, so i am unable to (even though it lets me use the internet via the browser haha). So i am going to get the early train back up to Scotland tomorrow morning so that i can get in some hands tomorrow evening.

I know this isn't necessarily logical, but i think this 'fear' drives me to constantly study, get better and improve, so that i can get better than the regs that i am playing alongside. Even though it's not necessarily healthy from a mental health perspective haha.

I think Jocko Willink talks about this as the driving factor behind his early morning wake up times- he wants to get up before the enemy so that he is ready for them. He doesn't want to be sleeping while they are plotting against him.

Likewise i don't want to take much time off cash, or put in volume, because then that gives regular around me the opportunity to get better than me.

Anyways, even though i can't play tonight, i will get in an hour or so of focused study and make sure that, even if i haven't got any volume in so far this month, i will at least still be improving from a theoretical perspective.

Life-

Life without connections is meaningless. Humans are social animals, and no matter the amount of money, adulation, success etc that you have, if you don't have good people around you and good relationships, then you will be miserable.

By no means am i saying that i have 'adulation' or anything directed towards me, but it's as if the more you chase money, the more you realise how worthless it actually is. The real currency in life is our friendships, relationships, conversations with strangers, a smile.

Sure, it would be nice to bink that £330k in the UK Open, but ultimately it wouldn't make me any happier, except for a couple days, then my happiness would go back to baseline.

What i am trying to say is that i am going to focus more on friendships, meeting new people, creating new connections etc and less so about chasing money.

Honestly right now i probably enjoy coaching more than playing, because i feel like i can help the students a lot and it's really cool to either see their success (through graphs etc) or feel their appreciation when i am able to help them to realise a cool concept that will really help them in that particular spot in the future.

I feel like this year for me is about exploration. I am going to be turning 30 in September, and even though i love poker, perhaps it is too much of a shallow pursuit for me in the mid-long term. After all, how are we helping society? People like bin men, bus drivers etc are really contributing to society and we are merely the benefactors of the work that they do.

Perhaps this post sounds nihilistic, and contradictory (because on the one hand i talk about moving up in stakes, playing more live etc but then talk about quitting too). I really don't know. These are just thoughts that go through my mind sometimes.

Poker has given me so much, has forced me to improve so much as a person, become more stoic, stronger mentally and emotionally, improve my problem solving, meet cool people etc. But what do we do after all of this? Keep trying to win more money? Or use these skills to do something that could actually benefit society and uplift others.

I don't know. Maybe i will still be grinding online in twenty years time having played four live tournaments ever and with these thoughts pushed to the back of my mind. Or maybe i will have long moved on and seen that there is more to life than the constant pursuit of money and success.

GG.

Demondoink

Sad to see you "go", but one saying really popped up in my mind:
Money won't make you happy... but everybody wants to find out for themselves.

I wish you the best in all aspects of life! Good luck on your journey!

it has been a blast following your thread and updates for these years. I have always been the type of lurk on threads while reading your blog, which i think should be top 5 best blogs on site. The amount of information and honest life stories you share with us readers have brought us on a journey. Whether or not you stop posting on here, your legacy as one of the most active and giving members of the community would be known to all of us.

Fuck it. I said that i am going to do this for the year, so i am not going to go back on my word!

Like i said in a previous post, our minds often rationalise quitting and make it seem like the most viable option. Last night i perhaps wasn't in the best headspace, but i am going to maintain my updates of around once per week for the remainder of the year.

However, i would highly appreciate if anybody could comment on how i could improve my thread. I just don't want it to seem too repetitive etc. So please comment below deLaRochejaquelein Aquila TheLove_Below and anybody else who is reading this :)

Thanks a lot!

suggestions:

• books you read and your thoughts about them (I am always looking, but have to admit I couldnt finish that book about Basketball ^^) Have you read the compound effect?
• books about live tells, what you make of them. I dont think there are many new books out there? Isnt there something like Caro's Poker Tells, or so?
• Outdoor trips, did you go bird watching in Malta? :)
• casino trips
• youtube videos/channels you like or especially certain videos. Did you watch Phil Galfonds one about online poker in the US?

Another thing I wanted to mention: In some book I recently read what it is that you provide to society as a Poker Player. You give entertainment to the recreationals. You could try to work on this skill set online and live. Might be worth working on this, not only from a financial point of view, but more from one of enjoyment. Life is better if people are happy :)

How is your cooking going?

Are you an owl? Do you feel like you would benefit from waking up earlier? "Having a normal schedule"? I enjoy early mornings, but used to be a night owl. So weird, when I was young I would sleep in until 12-13. Now I wake up by myself at 5. :) Sleeping in late equals something like 8 now. I am actually feeling stressed when I wake up that late.

Any dog plans? I remember you sometimes took care of one (your parents?).

Cheers,
Aquila

pictures would be great haha. I really liked the pics youve shared on your trips, and the marathon picture. I think your thread at this stage has already transcended topics of poker. you can discuss anything from football to politics here, and it will attract other likeminded RIO members in these threads.

I dont know what to improve but I like your posts a lot because they are honest, personal and therefore brave, and on a lot of things I can relate or understand.

Acknowledging inner resentment and getting out of auto pilot

Life-

I recall posting on here several times about my friendship with my best friend and former flat mate. After he got a girlfriend our friendship seemingly changed overnight, from being two guys that do everything together to seeing each other once every week or two.

I was annoyed that i had been replaced, and was unable to accept the new conditions of our friendship. What i didn't realise (at least consciously) was that my own thoughts and feelings were also having a negative impact on our relationship with one another. I was going in to every interaction with this underlying resentment, even if i wasn't fully aware of it.

I asked another friend for advice and he pointed out this resentment, and as soon as he said this, it was like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I no longer seen his girlfriend as the destroyer of our friendship, but as someone who is simply trying to find a nice, compatible partner to spend the rest of their life with. She clearly made a good choice, which is why i was so reluctant to give him up :D haha

So after realising this, i messaged his girlfriend and asked them out on Sunday to watch the Scotland v Ireland rugby match (which we lost). It was actually a really enjoyable afternoon, despite the result, and i feel like we were all able to be ourselves, without the egoic mind running the show.

In terms of my own mindset, this year a big thing for me is trying to become more spiritual, more present and much more conscious of my daily actions. So much of our lives are merely spent on auto pilot- we walk the same way to the store, we go to the same pub to watch the football, we drive the same way home from a friends, we drive past the place we keep 'meaning to visit' 100 times on our way home, without every actually stopping.

I am trying to get out of this auto pilot, because life is really great when we realise the variety of experiences we can have, that are at our fingertips. Even today for the rugby, i proposed going to a small town to watch the game, instead of going to one of our houses, or to a pub that we have already visited many times before, in our home town. I mentioned this to my parents, and it's funny because my Mum effectively said something along the lines of- 'that was a good idea today, i never really thought about going out for the rugby, i just always watch it at home'.

As soon as you become conscious, those around you become conscious too.

So whether that consciousness leads to better friendships, or new experiences and visiting new places, then i am all for it! Either way, i now realise that this is the true path to 'happiness'. My unconscious thoughts will always try to talk me out of being happy, which is why i need to shine the light of consciousness on these thoughts of negativity, resentment, bitterness, frustration etc.

Oh, and taking multivitamins also helps a lot too- especially in places that lack sunlight in Winter time (like most of Europe). I have noticed a big difference in my mood since i started to take them last year, as most of us are going to be Vitamin D deficient (and probably have other deficiencies too).

Poker-

I have played four days so far this week, taking a couple of days off to visit my Granny. I am on the fence about playing tonight as i feel a little sluggish from the Chinese meal that i ate, so i might just get in some study instead tonight, have a look at some flats online and then get back on the grind again tomorrow.

I think that i've been playing really well recently (except from last night). I intended to play on Saturday, but i tend to start around 8pm nowadays, and didn't begin last night until closer to 11pm as i was busy most of the day. I don't think i went in with the best mindset, and was a bit tired too. The aim was to get in 1k hands, and i done so, which i was happy about, but i really should have either started earlier on, while i was fresh, or not played at all.

However, i was happy in the sense that, despite being tired, i was able to override this tiredness and quit some three handed games as i knew that i wasn't fresh enough to play this mentally draining format. I don't think i made any big punts either, i just didn't run great and perhaps made a few smaller mistakes due to my mental state.

Anyways, it's not a big deal and we move on.

GG.

GTO call downs

Non GTO call downs

Best of luck finishing up your thread. It's been a good read :) The best ideas I've had for how to enjoy poker have come from Daniel Pinks book Drive.

This blog is very honest and that's why we like it overall. Playing poker for a living is not always the easiest path due to downswings,doubts,procastination,thinking we should be doing anything else or whatever... and you comment this kind of things (we feel "represented").
I like the poker part and see the hands you post ofc but it's not the main thing here imo. I liked past conversations about covid,politics,football,relationships,goals for the future,travelling etc etc.
The videos of RIO are at it's lowest and besides two or three coaches that i watch and maybe comment, almost every notification i get on this site is from this blog.
You can post once a week ,once a month or just when you feel like it and it'll be alright.

Trying (and failing) to buy a flat

After leaving Edinburgh last Summer i have been in limbo in terms of not really having anywhere permanent to stay, but not wanting to rent any longer. Sometimes i think 'i will just rent again' and then i look at the price of a place in the area of Glasgow that i would like to stay in, as well as the condition of the flat (which is usually pretty shit) and then i scrap that idea.

My friend highlighted today the fact that i always seem to change my mind about things recently- which i think is very true. One moment i want to live abroad, the next i want to buy a place in Scotland. One moment i want to move to the countryside, and the next i want to move to the city. One moment i decide that i am going to play more live poker and try to play higher stakes, the next i am bidding for a flat (which would wipe out a large chunk of my roll and limit the stakes/live games that i could play in the near future).

Even today i contacted someone about a golden retriever puppy that i seen for sale haha. However, i have always intended to get a dog, and my family has had four golden retrievers (one at a time of course) ever since i was born. So this isn't on a whim, and i think that a dog will also do me a lot of good when i move in to a place by myself, as i've always lived with other people. I was even looking up to see if it was possible to take a dog with me abroad, if i wanted to go away for a few months again at some point- which it seems like it is relatively easy to do. Though of course i am sure that the flight wouldn't be the most enjoyable experience for the dog.

Even with poker, which has been a stalwart and the main constant in my life for the past (almost) ten years ever since i quit university, I am starting to have doubts about how much longer i will play this game for a living.

Some people may think that i am flaky, indecisive etc, but i do not think that is the case. What i have realised is that i am at, so far in my life, the most important point. I am turning thirty this year, which is a milestone in itself, and perhaps that has unconsciously prompted me to attempt to figure out what i am going to do in the next ten or so years of my life. It's fine renting, being single, having no responsibilities and trying to get to high stakes when you are in your twenties, but do you really wanna be that same guy in another ten years time?

Perhaps. Or maybe i would like to go down another path. Which is why i am racking my brains and trying to come to the best conclusion that i can possibly come to. It is impossible to 'trial run' your life in advance, so at least being open minded enough to both extremes means that you aren't overlooking anything.

Hence the 'house in the hills' one minute and the 'flat in the city centre' the next haha.

My twenties was about self improvement. I was very insecure, wasn't confident at all, had unhealthy habits like binge drinking, struggled at times with poker and almost went busto a couple of times.

By no means am i the finished article at this point, but i am pretty confident/secure in myself nowadays, i have managed to save up a decent amount of money, i have developed many healthy habits in my life (going vegan, quitting alcohol, regularly exercising, daily meditation, consistent poker study etc). So in that sense i think that i have (for the most part) spent this time pretty well.

However, as i alluded to in previous posts, my social life slowly deteriorated as my friends moved away, got married, had kids, or we just drifted apart from one another- though it's actually got better again recently as i've tried to become much more conscious in my daily life.

So this 'self improvement' phase has to end at some point (though of course i'll always try to get better, just not with as much of a focus) and i think that the next ten years of my life is going to be the 'social/happiness' phase. I'm not saying that i am going to get married and have kids (i honestly have no idea if i want to or not) but either way, there will be much more focus on friendships and relationships with other people- and perhaps even a dog!

Let's not forget that we work to live, not live to work!

I put in another bid for a flat, but unfortunately i wasn't even close to the highest offer (someone literally paid 25% over the home report value of the property). So i will have to keep looking. I have seen another place that i've had my eye on for quite a few months, but when i enquired about it at the end of last year they said it wasn't currently up for sale or something- even though it was literally advertised for sale on their website lol. So i will call them tomorrow and see what's up with that.

In terms of poker, my volume has been shitty this month- and indeed this year. I've not even played 50k hands so far at cash haha. Though my results have actually been pretty good, as i'm still studying pretty often and feel like i'm in a good place with my game. I think that the flat search is clogging up a lot of my mental focus, and once i get a place then i'll, at least for the remainder of the year, get back to playing much more regularly again.

I ain't quitting the game just yet! While i keep playing i will continue to give my all and make it as awkward as possible for my opponents to play against me.

GG.

Slow playin'

Do they ever fold here?

If they don't fold to your small bets, jam 5x pot

Checking in! I had no idea you created a new journal. Have a lot of reading to do tonight / tomorrow to catch up on your journey. Stopping by to say Hi! Thanks for continuing to post on RIO as I don't use any social media like IG. Looking forward to all the reading above.

It's motivating. gl on your journey

Burnout- taking a break

This month i have really lacked motivation to play poker. I have had to force myself to sit down and grind out some hands, and i notice myself almost counting down the hands (i usually set a hands target per session, not a time target) until i can quit and go and do something else.

It's not that i don't like poker (i am actually really enjoying studying right now) but it's just that i don't really want to grind just now. Although i don't put in a ton of volume, i can't remember when i last had a proper break from poker. When i used to go travelling with my friend, i would leave my computer at home and completely detach from all poker conversations- so no Skype, Discord or RIO usage. However, now that we travel together much less often, the past couple of longer holidays i've been on (Budapest for two months and Malta for a month) were either by myself, or with a poker friend, and in both cases i was grinding while i was away.

Last year the other two times i went abroad were to Riga in November (for around four nights) and Norway in April (which i think was for around a week or so). So i basically haven't had a week off poker (at least completely off of it) since last April.

Even if i'm not grinding a ton, i still study most days. I do coaching, i talk poker with friends or might watch a RIO video, a Youtube video on poker or perhaps even a Twitch stream.

I think a couple of years ago i had a much better balance in terms of being able to go harder when i was at home, but being able to completely detach from poker while i was on holiday (as my friend isn't a poker player). Going on these long poker 'holidays' means that they aren't even holidays at all- they are merely playing poker from a country that gets some sunshine (unlike Scotland).

So with that in mind, i've planned at least a week off, starting from tomorrow. Today i grinded 1500 hands and i'm just a couple hundred hands from the 50k hand mark for the year. I will finish that tomorrow before i go. I am going to stay with my brother for a couple nights, and then stay with my Gran for five or so nights and i'll do flat viewings while i am there as i really want to find a place and get my own space again. If i can't find a place in the next couple of weeks that i want to buy, then i'll just rent until i do find one. It's not ideal, but, like i said, i want to have my own space again.

On Sunday i played tournaments and hopped in to that $7.5m guaranteed Sunday Million, but i really didn't want to play mtt's and ended the session early. I made some good bluffs in theory, but they are terrible in tournaments where most of your opponents are unwilling to fold top pair. So this is very similar to the issues i had with playing 200z alongside 2k or 1k- you have to play a completely different style and it can be very difficult to play completely different on two tables during the same session.

With tournaments you have to adjust so much, and play very exploitative. So it would obviously take me a bit of time until i got used to playing vs these kinds of opponents when i'm used to playing against the likes of Milanov on a daily basis. That guy certainly makes you think!

So the plan is to take it easy, do some flat viewings, get in a bunch of reading, catch up with my family etc and reset.

I've actually been very productive again in terms of my physical activities recently. I got back in to playing football again, i'm working out at least twice per week (typically one upper body and one lower body workout) and i've even done yoga once or twice too. My lack of motivation from a few months ago with regards to exercising, seems to have faded.

Today, for example, i played poker, done a workout, played snooker with my friend and then played poker when i got home. So i was very productive. It's funny cos this friend is keen to do things all the time just now. Before we might see each other once a month or so, but now we play snooker once a week, play football once a week and he wants to play badminton tomorrow (he randomly mentioned it tonight at snooker, so now he is going to try and finish work early tomorrow so that we can get in a game before i go and visit my brother).

This is exactly what i mean when i say that people will show their eagerness to hang out with you by the effort they put in. He seems to want to do something all the time just now- which works for me as i love playing games/exercising and catching up.

Anyways, i better get some sleep now as i have coaching in just over eight hours and then have to play those 150 or so hands before i'm allowed to blay badminton and go and visit my brother :)

GG.

I had no idea what was going on in this hand (i almost folded otr)

Hero fold!

98.8% Equity 3ways ��
Enjoy your break, I find it hard as well to detach from work 100% even though I know it would do me good.

Fixed mindset vs growth mindset

It has been a while since i have read the book 'mindset' by Carol Dweck, but i plan on reading it again in the coming weeks- once i've finished rereading 'eat that frog'. I remember hearing that when we read something we retain only 5% or so of the information, so i think that going back and reading a book again (especially if has been a couple years since the last time you read it) can be very beneficial. In all honesty, many times when i read self help books for the second or third time, it feels like i am reading them for the first time.

One thing that i have really gotten in to this year is reading- physical books not on a Kindle, Ipad etc. In a time where we are constantly on technology, and where we, as online poker players, need to work on a computer in order to make money, then imo it is vital to spend some time detaching from technology and allowing our brain some time to rest from the constant stimulation that the internet brings.

In the past i would only read self help books, from around the time i was eighteen, as i identified that i had many mental/emotional etc leaks that needed to be plugged. And this is where the fixed vs growth mindset dichotomy comes in to effect.

If you are someone with a fixed mindset (that is to say, that you are either born talented or not, that your intelligence is assigned at birth etc) then you would either ignore these mental and emotional leaks, or blame other people for them.

Where as someone with a growth mindset won't mind the starting point they begin at (they could easily be the worst player, or least talented person in the room) but they have the determination and confidence that they can turn this around and become, if not the best, but one of the best.

As an example (which i've probably mentioned before) i remember i was on holiday with two friends. One was fairly similar to me (we both went to the gym and exercised often, tried to be productive in our spare time and would read books on self improvement) and the other (while perhaps being the most 'naturally' intelligent of us all) done the opposite- he didn't exercise, was overweight and drank almost every night as a means to 'relax'. He didn't read self improvement books, and when i asked him the question (as i was reading the 'mindset' book during this holiday) whether he thought intelligence was assigned at birth or earned through hard work, he answered (of course) that it was the former.

In the end he ended up becoming an alcoholic and almost killed himself through drink. My aim isn't to shit on him, it is to highlight the importance of having the growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset. I'm sure we all know people either with big ego's who have to constantly brag to show off how impressive they are, or those with the toxic victim mentality- where nothing is their fault and everything else is someone else's fault.

I think it's sometimes easy to slip in to this victim mentality, if we are running bad at poker, or if a friend or a partner wrongs us. But ultimately it's pointless and will get us nowhere. It will simply drag us down in to misery and depression. Which is why i really like Jocko Willink's 'extreme ownership' perspective. This cuts right through the heart of any victim mentality and makes us accountable for not only our own actions, but also to those around us.

Anyways, like i said i have been reading much more this year, though in the past year or so i have somewhat abandoned my self improvement books for autobiographies and biographies. Meditation and remaining present has become my primary focus when it comes to improving my mindset. However, after reading quite a few of them in a row recently, i've started to have the urge again to start reading some self improvement books again. Which is why i started to read 'eat that frog' today, and will move on to 'mindset' once this book is complete.

And the great thing is that i don't even need to buy a new book- because i am rereading the same ones again! I've also been trying to stop ordering new books from Amazon etc. First of all it's not great for the planet as you are cutting down more trees for the paper, and second of all it's quite expensive, especially if you are buying autobiographies etc as you are only going to read these once. So i try to buy most of my books nowadays from charity shops, where i got three the other week for £4 (when an average new book costs around £10). I also started going to the library again, which is of course free to borrow books.

Just because you earn a decent amount of money doesn't mean you have to piss it away.

I've not really played poker this month (i just played a couple hundred hands yesterday but the games were dead) but i am going to get in some more hands this week. So we shall see how that goes- and if my bid is successful or not!

GG.

Cant help but post this:
Japanese Natural Farming

"Know your enough"
actually there is a chapter about this in Psychology of Money as well. Worth reading, too.

Cities or Towns?

Life-

As someone who is from a relatively small town (around 8,000 or so people), i have often found it difficult to adapt to the life in a city. However, i also really enjoy many aspects of them, so there is (at least for me) always that dilemma when selecting between the two.

What i have discovered in recent years is that most of us are shades of both black and white. We are almost never one or the other. We might enjoy the restaurants, theaters, sporting events, job opportunities that a city offers, but at the same time we watch documentaries on nature in our spare time, or we go on a retreat to a log cabin or a small village with our spouse or friends, or when it's time to raise a family or retire, we move away from city life and to a town.

In a time of constant stimulation, it can sometimes be difficult (but very alluring) to either go on a trip or vacation to the countryside, or perhaps even move there when the timing is right.

So that is the dilemma i am in. I was searching for a while in Glasgow, but basically gave up with that option because;

1- the properties were expensive and there was so much competition for them- one place that i bid for had twelve bids, and mines came in seventh lol (this was despite offering 7.5% over it's valuation).

Some moron paid 25% over the value for it. It's funny how reckless people can become when they really want something. I don't really care much about a property, because another one will always become available. So i won't pay over the odds for what i deem it to be worth.

2- you can realistically only buy a flat, with a shared garden. Recently i quite like the idea of building things, and fixing thing myself. I had this relatively new suitcase that had awful wheels that had basically worn in to nothing after around 6 or so holidays. However, the bolts didn't allow you to unscrew them (they obviously just want you to buy a new one when they wear out) so i ordered a hack saw, cut them off and ordered replacement wheels. It was pretty satisfying to fix it myself, and one more medium term goal is to learn joinery to a decent level, so that i can build and fix things myself.

So i would quite like my own shed, so that i can have tools etc and build or fix things. Also having my own garden is quite appealing, as i would never use the shared gardens while i was renting anyways cos they lack privacy and it's not even yours. I would like a semi detached house, at least, with a decent sized garden, with two bedrooms or more (so that i can either use one for a study, or for friends/family coming over to stay).

In Glasgow i was basically looking at one bedroom flats.

3- There was too much traffic and it isn't close to nature. Last Monday i done three viewings in a day, in different areas of the city. At the end of the day i was just feeling demoralised, like why am i even looking here? One flat was valued at £180k and it was in a mediocre area, and just lacked any sort of character. There was some graffiti at the end of the street.

Having been brought up in quite a decent area, it just felt like a big downgrade. I don't even need to move to a big city as i don't work in one, and don't go to Uni etc.

I think a big part of wanting to move there was FOMO. I'm still fairly young, and would like to meet new people, make new friends and get back in to dating etc again. So it seemed like a good option to go to the largest city. Obviously i like other aspects of it (I support Rangers who play there, I also like watching Glasgow Warriors and the people are quite humble and friendly).

However, as i was walking along the road outside of the place i had some bids rejected a week earlier, it hit me like a ton of bricks and i suddenly couldn't imagine moving to a worse area. Why on earth would i move next to a busy road, and a stones throw away from the motorway? It almost felt like this veil of insanity had been lifted.

So after that, i scrapped the idea of buying in Glasgow and organised a viewing for in Portree, on the Isle of Skye. Talk about polar opposites- Glasgow has a population of around 600k, where as the Isle of Skye has a population of 10k people total, and the town of Portree just 2-3k. I spent a few days there and stayed at a campsite (accommodation was extortionate) and i also quite enjoy the humbling aspect of sleeping on the ground, in the cold. It makes you appreciate your bed and the heating once you go home. Apparently Marcus Aurelius would sleep on the floor every so often, for similar reasons.

Anyways, I ultimately decided that the town lacked younger people that were actually residents (there are tons of them who go for a couple of days to visit, but less so that are residents as there is no rental market and a lack of job opportunities).

So here I am, back to square one. Neither of the extremes suited me- the busy, city life or the quiet, town life on an island. However, I am certainly not going to give up, and i'll keep looking elsewhere. Inverness is my next destination that i am going to look for, and it seems like it could be a nice compromise between the two- it has it's own train station, so has good public transport links, it only has around 50k people, so is like a small city and almost a town (it was until fairly recently i believe) and is close to the mountains as there are lots of Munros near Inverness. Plus it's only 2.5 hours from the Isle of Skye, if i wish to go there to relax for a few days (as it's still one of, if not the most beautiful places i've ever visited).

In terms of value for money, it is pretty reasonable too. For around £180k you could get a two bedroom semi detached house, with a decent sized garden, and perhaps even a three bedroom that need work done to it.

Basically what i have to accept is that NO place is perfect, they all have their flaws (and of course their positives). If we like aspects of both extremes (small town living and big city living) then perhaps the best compromise is to meet somewhere in the middle.

Poker-

In terms of poker, i have hardly played this month, as i've made searching for property my number one goal. After i started reading 'eat that frog' i made a list of my top couple priorities. Finding a property became my number one goal, and playing 200k+ hands (i know it's a modest goal but i'm happy with it) of cash this year became my secondary one.

So now i don't feel guilt when i'm taking days off poker, as i am 'working' on my main goal. When i find a place then i'll free up a ton of time in the future because i won't need to search for a new rental property or whatever. Then when i do have days off (like yesterday) then i can get in some study and then get on the grind!

Honestly this book is really amazing. It's extremely simple in most of it's concepts, but i honestly think that simple is (most of the time) the most effective approach. Doing a simple job well is so much better than doing a complicated job poorly. I take this exact same approach in poker, where i limit my sizing's on early streets so that i have much better clarity with my range, making fewer mixing errors etc and then arrive on later streets with a very clear game plan.

Unfortunately yesterdays comeback session didn't go too well, but i managed to recover a decent chunk at the end and avoid finishing down too much. The goal this week is to play a modest 5k hand, and continue to look for a house!

GG.

questionable from my opponent (a reg)

I really like this line, but tbh people probably just don't fold trips haha

Demo would you fold KQ there? Cant you go way bigger ob river given his lack of ak aa (44)? Still have to get back on you on skype, will do so soon :)

Love this post. You have a great attitude @Demondoink. I wish you the best of luck with everything in 2023!

Yes Man

Life-

Last week i was able to focus entirely on poker, for what feels like the first time in a while. My time and my mind has constantly been fixated on finding a place to buy, so that i can have my own space and get on with my life again. In the meantime, however, i have tried to make the best of what i have.

I have become extremely bored of the walks in this area as i've done them for over twenty years, so i don't walk the dog that much just now (though my parents do of course, he is their dog and i'm not neglecting him haha). I don't even bother going in to the town because i just have no interest in doing so.

However, in a positive sense i have gotten in to a game of five a side football, and have been playing every Monday evening for the past month or two (assuming i am in the area of course, as sometimes i am off elsewhere for a few days). I have also been getting golf lessons over the past couple of months, so last week i played nine holes with a friend that i hadn't seen in a few years, and the following day i went to the driving range to further practice my swing. I've also been getting back in to working out doing weights, being pretty consistent with my workouts and doing so twice per week- typically one upper body workout and one lower body workout. I completely lost interest in the gym last year after going for quite a few years, but i feel like going twice per week is ideal because it keeps me a little more toned, but also means that i avoid getting burnt out from going. I've also started doing yoga again (though just at home) after a long break from it. I tend to play snooker once per week with my friend, as well.

So from a physical and health perspective, i am currently doing very well. It just feels like from a social standpoint, my life is on hold. I almost never seem to do anything at the weekend with my friends. We might play football, snooker or go to the gym during the week, but come the weekend they are almost always doing something with their partners, or in general just don't seem particularly bothered to go out and do something different- whether that be camping somewhere, going to a rugby match or simply going to the pub to watch the football.

I mean of course i am appreciative of the time that we spend together during the week, i am merely acknowledging the fact that i hardly ever seem to do anything at the weekends.

So with that in mind, a big focus when i move is on creating a new social circle, so that i can actually do things on the weekend (especially on Saturdays as i tend to take them off).

I was thinking earlier today about this, and the film 'Yes Man' popped in to my mind. If you haven't seen the film, it's basically about a guy who basically says 'no' to most of the things he is offered in his daily life. Suddenly he decides to (or is forced to, i honestly can't remember it's been a while since i watched the film) do the opposite and instead say 'yes' to everything in his life. This leads him on a mad new journey of new experiences, one in which he doesn't know what each day is going to bring.

Recently i feel like i am all of those people asking Jim Carey to do something new (at the beginning of the film) yet I am constantly rebuffed or turned down.

For example I was supposed to go to EPT Barcelona with my poker friend (who is one of my best friends in poker and is a really nice guy) but when i attempted to organise it, book accommodation, flights etc i was met with a 'maybe later' response.

So in a sense it feels like i'm just beating my head against a wall, trying to get Jim Carey to do new things, even though he doesn't want to. Obviously they are completely entitled to do what they wish to do, but it's just a little frustrating as i want to do new things, have new experiences etc but i am not matched with an equal level of enthusiasm and excitement, instead it is either 'maybe later' or simply a no.

Anyways, being introspective i think it's largely because i tend to become friends with introverts, as i am pretty introverted myself (though i can also talk a lot when i want to). So one of my friends will happily spend the entire weekend playing video games after working his 9-5 job during the week, for example. I definitely don't want to lose any of my friends, but i think that i need to make friends with people who are also a bit more extroverted and in to doing new things.

I realise that we only have one life on this planet (at least as far as i am aware) so I want to make the most of it, do new things, meet new people and avoid having regrets later on in life, when i am much less physically and mentally able.

Poker-

Like i alluded to in my previous post, last weeks goal was to play a modest 5k+ hands at cash (which i achieved) and i also managed to bink a second place in a $55 MTT on GG for $11k. Though i am actually still down a little on the year at tournaments, but i was certainly nice to get a decent score again and eat in to those losses.

It's pretty decent because recently, 500z has been running again much more often. That allows me to get in a bunch more hands in a shorter space of time, and as someone who is a zoom player at heart, it also feeds my soul to play that format again! I decided a couple months ago to completely stop playing 200z, so that is out of the question and i'll only play zoom nowadays if 500z+ is running.

Overall my results this year have been very good, albeit despite the small sample size. Though i'm hoping once i get a place, i can beef up the volume for the second half of the year and hopefully maintain the same win rate in the process!

SCOOP begins this week as well- starting on Sunday and going on for three weeks or so. Before Sundays bink, i wasn't really planning on playing many tournaments, but now it's like i've been bitten by the mtt bug, and just in time! I'm still unsure how much volume i will allocate to mtt's vs cash, but of course my hourly is going to be much higher at cash games. However, mtt's are a good way to mix up my daily cash grind, and there is also the chance that you bink something big and make your year. So we shall see what unfolds over the comings weeks, and what i decide to focus on. Either way, i think it will be a mixture of both. Last year i decided to focus on tournaments during the entire SCOOP, and don't think i even made any profit in the process (though of course there is a ton of variance in this small of a sample size).

I haven't played the first couple days of this week- Monday was a planned day off after grinding until after 4am on Sunday in to Monday morning. However today i was too distracted by flats etc that i decided to avoid playing (as i was a little tilted) and instead catch up on some other small things, get in some study and do a leg workout in the garage.

I'm going to get back to the grind tomorrow, though.

GG.

Weird value jam from my opponent (a v good reg)

Fish punt #1

Fish punt #2 (though at least this one is more reasonable and has fold equity)

Poker- from an amatuer game in to the professional era

Poker pioneers-

In the past five or so years, i believe that we have seen the game transition from an amatuer game in to a professional one. That's not to say that there weren't professionals before this point (i was one, of course) but more so in terms of how we now treat the game.

We used to see random eighteen year olds rocket to the top of the poker world. Look at Ole Schemion for example, i believe he was around this age when he started crushing high rollers and super high rollers. It was commonly accepted that their 'new school' poker philosophy of relentless pre, and post flop aggression was able to out perform the passivity of the 'old school' players in many cases.

After all, on final tables, approaching the bubble etc then aggression will win 9/10 times as ICM always favours the big stacks, and enables them to steal more pots etc which reduces variance for them and gives them a much greater chance of winning the tournament overall.

So in a pre solver era, guys like Ole were essentially pioneers of how the game 'should' be played, at least in terms of tournaments and final tables.

Of course cash games have always been different. Aggression is not as profitable as it is in a tournament, though winning more than your fair share of pots should also help to increase your win rate compared to the nittier players who will be winning less pots than you (and thus need to regain this lost EV in other spots, which isn't always easy to do). Aggression will also enable you to get paid more often when you have value hands, which is great as well- as who wants a fold when they have a set? :P

Of course things like PIO Solver and ICM tools like ICMizer etc have now made it fairly clear how we 'should' be playing poker in most scenarios, but there is something to be admired about these guys who were able to figure this out by themselves. So in that sense, the likes of Ole were more than deserving of crushing those high rollers back in the day and it's still pretty cool that he has been able to transition in to the solver era and, at least as far as i am aware, remain profitable. Most guys just seem to either GG or go and make a random training site or something.

Formulating daily habits-

However, its not just in a poker sense that the game has evolved, it's in our approach to the game too. If you look at more old school players, especially back in the day, many of them were over weight, were degenerate gamblers and drank a lot of alcohol. Now i am sure there are still some poker players like that today, but it's now very commonly accepted that we should approach poker as if we were professional athletes- or at least athletes that are serious about their health and preparations.

Meditation, yoga, weights, self improvement books, a clean diet, drinking lots of water etc are often staple habits of the modern poker player. When i look at it from my own perspective, and try to construct my own daily routines, i think about how each thing is going to benefit both my overall happiness, my health and thus my poker game. These are pretty much the main three factors in determining a daily habit for myself.

And of course you then add in to that the fact that we now study poker, often on a daily basis, which wasn't nearly as common in the pre solver era- unless you discussed hands with friends, watched a random training video or were lucky enough to have your own private solver!

It was funny cos i seen a poker player streaming today (a very good one) and he was smoking weed and said he got back in to drinking in the past couple years. And my immediate thoughts were- i have an edge on you because i'm not doing these things. Now i'm not saying you shouldn't, but in a game of small edges, things like this matter. If i can play poker day after day, with as clear of a mind as possible, without hangovers etc then i am already at a decent sized advantage over my opponent who is drinking etc. Even if they are better than me now, i can keep studying day after day, close the gap and then eclipse them, free of any destructive habits to halt my progress.

Also, delayed gratification dictates that we must make some small sacrifices in the short term, to yield big gains in the mid-long term. If you have to go out to the club every weekend then imo you are really going to struggle to get anywhere near the top in a game that has transitioned from an amatuer game in to a professional one. Sure, there are always exceptions, but some guys are just so naturally talented that they can get away with things like that but still remain a crusher.

However, the likelihood is that you are not on the 0.0001% of naturally gifted crushers, who just intuitively 'get' the game and thus do not really need to study, or remain disciplined in many ways, yet can still crush the games. Though in all honestly, i wouldn't want this. I prefer to work for my own success, instead of have if gifted to me by factors outside of my control. We can control our daily/weekly and monthly habits. We can control our study time and the quality of our study. We can control how we prepare for a session, and the mindset that we approach each session with.

Focus on the variables that you can control, and just slowly improve. Then over time you can become a crusher and surpass that guy who is smoking a joint and having a whiskey as they play. Who gives a fuck if you are the 'boring' guy with a coconut water, you had to fight for where you got and you deserve all the success that comes your way!

Now, what are you going to do?

I'm 3/21 in a SCOOP $1k. Event 33-H

Come sweat me if you like, and hopefully i can bink the $100k 1st place! Lex is streaming it rn (he's still in too) but we are on different tables.

SCOOP

Finally showed up to the casino early afternoon for a change. Games were much better than expected. Also was able to put in almost 8 hrs without being tired. Maybe thats the secret? Just go to work earlier and volume becomes easy.

The SCOOP grind and creative procrastination

Poker-

I was planning to grind cash this month, but changed my mind and now i am entirely focusing on tournaments instead. I done the same last year (playing tournaments throughout May) and managed to turn a little profit, but i am hoping to have a big winning month this month as i'm studying every day, which i never did before.

My friend watched the Graftekkel podcast on the mechanics of poker Youtube channel, and he apparently said something along the lines of '80% of my study is icm/pre flop' which makes a ton of sense, as there is very little post flop play on final tables with the shallow stack depth, icm pressure etc (meaning that the blinds should defend much tighter etc). So even if i am a good post flop player from playing cash, that doesn't mean that i am a good tournament player.

With that in mind, i've mostly been focusing on pre flop and figuring out what to defend, 3bet, 4bet etc as before i was either guessing or playing similar ranges to my 6max cash game ones (which are ajdusted for rake, no antes etc). Now i have a much better understanding and figured out something cool about what hands you 4bet OOP vs IP. Every day i am playing 500 pre flop hands in the Pairrd app, and once i have this nailed down i will either sub to unlock the full membership, or get a sub for a bit on GTO wizard for mtt's.

Personally i think its much better to run your own sims, but mtt trees are huge so realistically i dont think this is possible for now, though if i can get some of the pre flop ranges then i will probably run my own post flop scripts at some point, as GTO wizard has far too many post flop sizing's to make it a valuable study tool imo.

I've also started to watch final table, hole cards up replays of high buy in tournaments, so that i can see what some of the best players are doing (i think it's actually pretty sick that we can see how they play, as you obviously cannot in cash games). This will start to give me a better understanding about icm, and then i will start to study this on my own too. I also bought simple pre flop again, so that i can run and node lock mtt pre flop sims, as there are a few spots that i think are easy to over do in terms of aggression, so i wanted to see how the solver would respond with that aggression node locked in to the sim.

Anyways, in terms of results, things have gone well so far this month. On Saturday i won the $88 Daily Special for over $6k, got a third place in the $250 Daily Main Event for $7k and then made a Day 2 in the $1k SCOOP (which i satellited in to for like $109), before building a big stack and then, unfortunately, running cold at the end and busting in 14th place. It was a fun run though, and i know that a six figure score (or close to it) is coming, it's only a matter of when. I cashed in that for $8k, so overall it was a very profitable weekend!

However, i'm not getting complacent and i am not done with SCOOP yet. I've already won a satellite to the $1k Main Event (so i don't need to buy in directly this time) and there are many other big tournaments to come in the remaining 2.5 weeks!

Life-

I have been in a very good routine recently in terms of being productive, taking Monday and Friday off last week (which was pre planned) and playing tournaments every other day, though yesterday i cut my session short because i was so gutted after that close shave in the $1k. I am taking today off again, and Fridays are the day off from SCOOP events, so i'll take that off again too.

Tonight i have a game of five a side football as usual, but i also arranged some house viewings for this week. I read in eat my frog about 'creative procrastination' and it basically means that we list down either our goals or the things we have been procrastinating on, and then list them in terms of importance. The most important tasks you attack each day, and the least important ones you use 'creative procrastination' to put them off until a later date, or abandon them altogether.

So as today is my 'day off' i am using it to catch up on these less important tasks, and it's a great approach because you do not feel anxious or overwhelmed because you have made a conscious (not subconscious, which is what procrastination tends to be) to put something off. Each day i am focusing on poker and study, and about getting myself in to a good frame of mind pre session to enable me to play my best poker. Then on my days off, i can catch up on the less important things- respond to emails, messages, catch up with my blog, book flat viewings etc.

Like i said, even though that book is very short and simple, i think it's great. Also, i've noticed that when i sit around and do nothing (even on a planned day off) my mood starts to deteriorate and i feel like i've wasted a day. So at least this way i am still being productive, but in a lot less intense way than grinding for eleven hours playing fourteen tables of mtt's.

Anyways, it's back to the grind tomorrow! Let's hope that there are plenty more deep runs and final tables to come this month. I will prepare well to give myself the best chance possible.

GG.

Daily Special

Daily Main Event

SCOOP $1k

The power of routine

Life/musing's-

As someone who has historically been a procrastinator, part of the appeal to me of being a poker player was being able to play on my own schedule and to not adhere to the rules and restrictions that working for someone else, or within a company etc, inevitably brings. When i was in high school i would often be 5-10 minutes later for registration at the start of the day, and thus often get detention at break time. If i forgot to go, or simply couldn't be bothered to and would rather hang out with my friends or attempt to chat up some girls, then this would get promoted to lunch time. If i failed to attend this (which i think only happened once) then it was after school detention. Not being from America and not being in the Breakfast Club either, then i thought after school detention was kinda stupid and i didn't show.

So, despite being in my final year at high school and supposedly being in the most 'mature' age range at the school, i was excluded. This is usually reserved for people that do not want to be at school (especially in years 1-4 when it is mandatory to be there) but not for something in their sixth year there, that is staying there out of choice. I was asked not to return to school after Christmas by the head teacher, but i relented and finished out the year regardless.

Anyways, the point of all of this was simply that my procrastination, coupled with the fact that i didn't like being told what to do etc (the classic teenage rebellious stage, though perhaps i have never grown out of this haha) meant that i would be late and, sometimes, would put off going to detention and then watch that spiral out of control until i was excluded for a couple of days.

Did this teach me a lesson? Yes and no. Yes in terms of that i didn't get after school detention again, and thus avoided another exclusion (and most certainly a premature end to my high school life) but no in terms of actually making me any better at time keeping, or in terms of facing my anxieties or problems head on.

So ever since high school, after a failed relationship where i was too needy etc, i realised that i needed to improve my mindset by reading lots of self improvement/help books and slowly chip away at my insecurities and negative traits. These definitely helped a lot, but the thing that helped me the most, by far, was when i started to meditate. It's crazy once you start meditating how you notice this voice that is constantly going on in your mind, even when all you want to do is sit for ten minutes and focus on your breathing.

Nowadays, in terms of clarity and purification of my mind, i am at the best stage i have been since i was a young child, with no problems in the world an only focusing on kicking a football around with my brothers or friends, or climbing up a tree and trying not to be impaled when jumping down. This is down to meditation and trying to be a lot more conscious in my daily actions. I want to do things because i want to do them, not because i have been conditioned to do them, or simply because i am on auto pilot.

I actually notice now when other people are negative about themselves too, saying things like- i am this kind of person that is very unreliable, i am this kind of person that never gets anything done, i am this kind of person that is failing at their job etc and i am saying to them- why the fuck are you so negative about yourself what are you doing?? You are only these things because you believe the negative storyline that constantly goes through your mind, not because you are actually a 'failure' etc.

It's crazy that we often treat ourselves much poorer than we would treat our worst enemy. It's literally insanity.

Anyways, something that i have been enjoying this week as part of playing SCOOP is the routine of doing so. I have planned Mondays off to recharge after the weekend grind, and to play my weekly game of football, and i have planned Fridays off because thats the official day off from SCOOP tournaments. Apart from that, i am grinding, and starting every day at around 5:30pm (sometimes i am still 5-10 mins late, because old habits die hard). I have actually been really enjoying it and i am appreciative of my days off, even though they are often hardly days off as on Mondays im catching up on my less important tasks that i've been putting off, and on Friday, for example, i drove through 1.5 hours to do some flat viewings (on just four hours of sleep too).

I've also gotten in to using spreadsheets as well, tracking my coaching income, my rakeback and one or two other things. I really like the clarity this gives me too, instead of writing things down in a random notebook or not recording them at all.

It's like the clearer and less cluttered my mind has become through meditation, self imrovement books etc, the more clearer and less cluttered my life has become.

There is a funny way that i am always able to identify when i have been in a little procrastination rut- it's when i don't put away my clean clothes and leave them sitting on the spare bed. Sometimes i let them pile up, and then i know that i have other things 'piled up' in my mind that are taking precedence over putting the clothes away in the cupboard. I guess this is why Jordan Peterson talks about the importance of tidying your room. Start with a tidy room, then you can go in to the world with a clear, tidy mind and put your best foot forward within society!

Though at the same time, after reading eat that frog and the creative procrastination chapter, i also realise now that sometimes i can let them clothes build up, or the messages or emails build up, and not worry about it as i am prioritising other things- like getting in my daily poker study, my meditation and playing tournaments.

Because after all, it would be nice to come in to a pristine room every time, but why i am folding up my washing and putting it in to the cupboard, or responding to a message, Milanov is grinding or studying in his darkened office. So i have to keep up and do the same!

GG.

Another great post mate. I'm enjoying getting back into meditation myself. I'm doing it every morning in my darkened office while my freshly brewed coffee cools down. Routines!

SCOOP wrap-up- a profitable month

Poker-

This month i decided to grind tournaments for SCOOP, and basically abandon cash games for the time being. I think it can get a little repetitive playing the same format of poker day in, day out, week in, week out and so i usually spend May grinding tournaments and hoping to get lucky with a big score. Unfortunately none of these scores materialised, but it was a good month in terms of profit regardless.

My goal was to make somewhere in the region of $10k-$20k, though of course i could lose money, or make $100k+ if i got a big score. So this was only a rough goal and the variance involved in tournaments means that you cannot really have any kind of idea how your results will fare over the course of a month. Funnily enough though, i ended up making about $20k, so i guess my target was accurate this time. Prior to this month i think i was down around $10k for the year at mtt's (i just played them on the side or on Sundays every so often) so at least i am in the profit for them now.

Obviously i realise i'm better off in terms of hourly etc to play cash games, but like i said, i like to mix it up and i think i am going to get a big score at some point- so this month could have been the time!

I think i am definitely getting better, and i'm starting to feel very comfortable in the higher buy ins in my buy in range- like the $530s, $1ks etc. I made another very deep run in a $1k and fell just short of making the final table, then i made a final table in a $530 bounty builder (before busting in like the first hand with QQ haha) and made another deep run in a $530 SCOOP PKO, before becoming card dead during the last few tables and busting around 20th place.

However, i managed to win the Daily Special that i shared in here, as well as getting a third in the GG main event and i even chopped the Big $55 for just over $1k (i was HU against a good reg 60bb deep and didn't see any point in battling for such a small first place). I basically just played the Big 55 cos it was such a small field (just over 100 people) and i thought that it offered me a good chance to get some valuable FT experience. Cos most of the tournaments that i play are basically the tournaments with the biggest prizepools haha.

I had a bunch of other deep runs too, and more final tables, but in the end i will take the profitable month and move on. I will likely do the same again during WCOOP and hope that that is the time for my six figure score instead.

In terms of my overall play, i am getting better but there is still a ton to improve on. I've been grinding Pairrd almost every day, to sharpen up on my pre flop ranges, and watching Patrick Brooks RIO videos pre session as well as some FT replays of higher buy ins, on Youtube. I am just trying to get a better understanding of how to play mtt's very well etc and then i will refine my own strategies, and formulate my own heuristics once i run some scripts of my own and study some post flop strategies, as there are many spots where i am just pure guessing what to do. For example bvb in limped pots, OOP vs IP flats in SRP etc. These are spots that either don't arise in cash games, or do so very infrequently, so i basically do not study them. As much as i like my 2.2x open bvb strategy in cash games, my understanding of this spot quickly goes out of the window when we are dealing with completely different ranges bvb in a limped pot, for example. The heuristics, cbet frequencies etc are now completely inaccurate, and thus i am just trying to rely more on my understanding of bvb, and of my solid fundamentals to get me through these spots, instead of having a refined, studied strategy.

Of course i am sure that most mtt players aren't studying bvb either, but that's not how i like to approach poker. I like to have clarity from my studies, so that i can execute in game with clarity and make as few mistakes as possible, all the while putting my opponents to the test in the process.

So i think with the tools at my disposal, and the clear knowledge gaps in my current mtt game, i played about as well as i could. I still felt an edge in many spots, especially post flop, and liked some of the adjustments that i made- such as trying to limit bluffing a certain nationality, as much as possible, though sometimes i cannot resist and i still pull the trigger :D

Played well, but there is a ton to learn.

Life-

In terms of my social life this month, i haven't had time for it. In a strange way, i've actually enjoyed the daily grind and of the fact that i am often having 10+ hour days sitting in front of the computer and putting in hands. I have felt great purpose and simply haven't allowed my mind to drift and focus on things that i may 'lack' in my life. It has been wake up, meditate, study, do some form of exercise and then get on the grind. Play until the last tournament is over then make food, watch something on Netflix or Youtube and then go to sleep. Rinse and repeat.

For some people this kind of existence may seem depressing, socially isolating etc, but not for me! Sometimes at like 3am i find myself just randomly dancing around the kitchen as my food is cooking. Even as we speak, it seems weird to have finished playing them for the month, and as if i have too much spare time again. I have still had a ton to catch up on today, and i'm slowly working through the list (posting on RIO was of course on there) but despite this, i cannot get the same sense of purpose from these tasks that i get from playing poker.

A few months ago i was thinking of quitting this year, now i am only seeing opportunities. The opportunity, especially, to get really good at tournaments and use the post flop skills that i have developed from years of playing cash games, alongside the short stacking, icm skills that are vital components in the success of a tournament player. I was looking at some of the crushers tournament graphs on Sharkscope, and it's crazy both how much money they can make in such little volume, but also how little variance the best players have within their graphs.

I think that you can drastically reduce the variance in tournaments if you figure a few things out along the way. So i am trying to start that path and we shall see what happens in the future.

Of course cash games are still my main focus for now, but who knows if they will be in a years time?

I am excited to see what unfolds in my life in the next year, whether that be on the poker tables, or off them. I think that i will do some travelling in June to reset and make the most of the flexibility of my job. After all, its fine to grind ten hour days for most of a month every so often, but there has to be a balance there. So i am going to book a trip within the next couple days, and will likely go away either this weekend or early next week. Then when i return, i am going to go full steam ahead with the property search!

GG. Lets have a good Summer :)

ps, i am going to share my exact monthly results in a couple days, once the SCOOP main events have concluded. That way, my Sharkscope results will be accurate as they will factor these in. Spoiler- i didn't win either the $109 or $1k main events :(

Finding bluffs

Bluff or value bet?

Unblocking bluffs #1

Unblocking bluffs #2

Fantastic results. Have a feeling you'll bink something during June. Dealers often tell me to get a job dealing because I catch everything. Rake being $4 instead of $5, players not getting their change, side pots being off etc. Its all relatively simple stuff just staying focused and basic math. Most of the time the ones who don't know me ask me where I deal.

Anyways its June, LFG!!!!

Have a great time in Eastern Europe mate. Looking forward to the trip report!

Taking a month off poker- travelling through Eastern Europe

Hey guys, just to let you know i won't be on here for a month as i'm travelling, and gonna try to detach from poker as i'm not taking my laptop etc with me either. There's a chance i might post a mid trip update if i can get on a random computer, but if not then i'll report back here at the start of July.

If anyone is living in any of these countries and wants to meet up, give me a message (Instagram would probably be the easiest- Demondoink1).

I'm travelling to the following countries, and will mostly be sticking to the capitals cos i need to get public transport between them. I leave to go to Krakow tomorrow (June 3rd) and each country i will be staying in between 3-4 nights (as its 9 countries in 31 nights).

Poland- Krakow
Czech- Prague
Austria- Salzburg
Slovenia- Ljubljana
Croatia
Bosnia
Montenegro
Albania
Greece- Athens

I haven't decided all of the places yet, but have for some of the countries. I've booked a flight to Krakow tomorrow, and flying back from Athens on the 4th of July.

Anyways if anyone is keen to meet up, lmk! Hope everyone has a nice Summer and GL if you are at the WSOP!

Edit: This guy (below) is one of my biggest travel inspirations. Watch/read 'in to the wild' if you haven't already :)

I ve never been to Ljubljana, depending on the exact day I might join

Returning from my travels and getting back on the grind

Life-

Over the years i have been experimenting with different ways of travel. I used to be scared of flying and so i didn't really travel anywhere for a few years after high school (even though i was fine flying as a kid). I remember on my flight to Vienna with my friend when i was shitting it on the journey there and back (not literally but figuratively haha). I think this was a good sign of where i was in terms of my confidence etc at this point in my life- i had very little and was more scared of what would go wrong, instead of focused on what could go right.

I tried going to hostels once when i went through Scandinavia with a friend from high school, but i discovered that we weren't the most compatible of travel partners and we got in to a few arguments along the way. Nonetheless it was still great to go to these countries and meet some cool people along the way.

After that, i would travel with my best friend and we would usually stay in Airbnb's and sometimes hotels. We went inter-railing one year through Europe, which was fun, and travelled across Canada the next, making a brief stop in New York in the process. However we stayed in Airbnb's and hotels on both of these occasions too and would continue to do so until last year, when i convinced him to stay in one while we were in Bergen in Norway. I think because of the lack of social interactions in my daily life as a poker player meant that i kind of craved to go in to a more social environment, but people who are around others when they work in the office etc are probably more happy to have their own space and free time when they travel, in order to reset and recharge their social batteries before they return to work.

Anyway, these trips were all pretty similar. Last Summer i decided to mix it up and go to Budapest for two months by myself for a working holiday, and i went to Malta this year for a month with another poker friend for a similar 'holiday'. Tbh these are probably my least favoured form of travel, as you are staying too long in one place for a holiday, but not long enough to start to pursue lasting connections with people in the area.

So with that in mind, and having the freedom of doing whatever i wanted to as i was going by myself, i decided to 'plan' a trip through Central/Eastern Europe and do nine different countries in thirty two days. However, this time i would also be staying in hostels for most of the time, in part because i wanted to meet people, but also because i wanted to keep the costs of the trip from spiraling out of control. The only two things that i had booked were the flight to Krakow and the return flight from Athens. I had to organise the rest while i was away, and try to make it down to Athens in time to make my return flight back to Scotland.

The trip-

Fortunately i managed to make it, and i really enjoyed my trip in the process and being thrust from one extreme to the other- from spending most of the day by myself in May grinding tournaments for SCOOP, to living in eight bedroom dormitories (and one eighteen person room) and travelling from country to country by bus- which is a form of public transport that i rarely use in all honesty, i much prefer the trains.

I spent four nights in Krakow where i just chilled and tried to recover from the SCOOP grind. I was happy to book and Airbnb to myself and spend a few days relaxing and not doing a whole lot. However, the main reason that i wanted to go back there was to go to Auschwitz as i have read several books on the concentration camp, as well as about WW2 in general. It was quite a sobering place to visit and one of the saddest parts of the tour was viewing all the peoples hair in a big pile. That could have easily been me or you if we were born at a different time. It's pretty insane how people seem to be able to rationalise barbaric actions when they think that the 'cause' that they are pushing towards is a noble and just one.

In general i really like Krakow, and i feel like it would be a pretty nice place to live. If only we were still part of the EU and us Brits could travel freely, and move abroad easily, again.

After Krakow it was time to go to one of the few countries in central Europe that i hadn't been to- Czech Republic. I booked a bus for around 6 or 7am and was there in plenty time- only for it to never show. Apparently the bus was coming through Ukraine and it just never showed up. I was told i could phone up this Ukranian bus company for a refund, but this seemed like a waste of time so i just accepted the loss and moved on. I managed to book a different bus (a Flixbus, which was my go to for the first half of the trip), which was also two hours late, but i got to Prague eventually, much later in the evening than i had anticipated. However it was a little annoying, because West Ham were playing Fiorentina in the Europa Conference final in Prague. So i would have liked to have gone out to the pubs etc and experience the match day atmosphere of both sets of fans, but i arrived too late due to the bus delays and missed it.

Prague was really nice, but i feel like i only seen a small part of it, so i'll probably return at some point in the future to do a little more sightseeing. There were some school kids playing classical music on a stage in the Parliament Gardens, so i watched that for a while- and even went to a proper classical music concert much later on in the trip. I typically don't listen to this kind of music, but i think that it's good to try out different genre's of music. I feel like its probably quite a good genre of music to listen to while you are grinding too, because it's pretty chill and relaxing, yet also quite uplifting at times.

After Prague it was another bus journey to Salzburg, and this was one of my favourite hostels. Everyone in my room was friendly and up for chatting, and so were many other people in the communal areas too. I made friends with a couple people there that i'm still talking to. Salzburg is a surprisingly nice place- though it wasn't much of a surprise to me as i've been before! It's a small little city surrounded by mountains, that also has a very chilled vibe when you walk around. It reminds me a bit of Inverness in Scotland- which is where i'm hoping to move to! There are lots of hiking spots around the city and it's also relaxing to go and sit by the river that runs through the heart of the city, and read a book. The castle is a little underwhelming, though.

I'd heard very good things about Ljubljana online etc, but i was pretty underwhelmed when i got there. I booked four nights there, but this was at least one or two too many, just because i had a poker friend there that i planned to meet on one of the days. I can understand why people like this city, because it has quite a social feeling with everyone sitting outside on the streets and eating or drinking late in to the night. But i'm not a drinker, and don't even like restaurants that much tbh, so i much preferred a place like Salzburg. Lake Bled was really amazing to visit, but i got there too late and only had the afternoon there, so i wished i had gone earlier in the day! You can rent a boat and row out to this little island, but we were too late and everyone renting out the boats had already gone home for the day haha.

When i got to Zagreb i realised that there was another big final on, though this time it wasn't in the same country- but Croatia were playing in it nonetheless, against Spain in the nations league final. It ended up going to penalties in what was a pretty boring game, but it was cool to watch the game in the square with hundreds, if not thousands, of passionate Croatians. I quite liked Zagreb, even if i was only there for two nights before i headed to Split. Everyone was saying you had to go to the coast in Croatia, so i opted for Split as that would enable me to get to Sarajevo fairly easily by bus. Dubrovnik, the initial plan, was too far South. Split was nice, but it was a bit too 'beach holiday destination' for my liking. Obviously it's on the coast, but there were tons of tourists and i felt like i was in some random Spanish resort. From what i seen of it though, it was nice and had a pretty cool old town- that was very easy to get lost in as it felt like a maze!

Sarajevo was interesting from a historical perspective, as i learned about the Sarajevo Siege and went to the bobsleigh track that was used as a firing spot during the siege. I also went to the spot where Franz Ferdinand was shot, in an act that ignited WW1. Like many of the other cities that i went to, it had a nice little old town as well. I didn't see as much of the city as i would have liked though, as my hostel was extremely social and thus you often ended spending half the day there talking to people. We even played a game of poker- and i managed to win! :D

One interesting thing that i noted from the Balkans was that in every bus, they would close off the toilet so you couldn't use it. So i basically wouldn't drink anything on these seven hour journeys, to avoid any risk of me needing a piss and not being able to go haha. One bus was even leaking from the roof (even though it wasn't raining) at one point. It's safe to say that i won't miss these buses haha.

After Sarajevo i went to Kotor, which is a very picturesque town in Montenegro. Surrounded by mountains and being next to a large lake, it was a great place to relax for a few days. One of my favourite things of the trip was hiking up the ladder of Kotor, which is a very old walkway flanked by several very old buildings, that has amazing views from the top. You can also walk along the city walls which is cool.

I was planning to spend three nights in Tirana, but i was running low on time and i realised that the bus journey from Tirana to Athens would need to be split up, so i had to reduce it to two nights. I went to an underground nuclear bunker that has been turned in to a museum (though the museum was a little boring in all honesty). Apart from that i didn't do a whole lot in Tirana, except from hangout with a couple friends that i made back in Zagreb.

I met a Greek guy during the trip and he told me to visit Thessaloniki before Athens, but it wasn't really on the bus route to Athens and was a bit out of the way, so i decided to go to Ioannina, simply because it looked nice and was on the route down to Athens. It was a pretty nice little town, with big castle grounds- where many people actually live within the grounds. There was an art exhibition going on at the same time as well, with parts of it being interesting, and other parts like they were trying to force some woke garbage down my throat instead of focusing on making decent art work/exhibits.

Athens was amazing and i done by far the most sightseeing here of any place. I went to the Acropolis, the Acropolis museum (which imo is better than the actual Acropolis haha), as well as to a classical concert at the Odeon of Herodes Atticus, which is the remains of an ancient theatre that can hold up to, i believe, six thousand people. I went to some other historical sites too, but ran out of time and didn't manage to get to all of the ones that i wanted to. However, i will definitely go back at some point! I even bought an AEK Athens top, as a souvenir to remember the trip. I done the same last year in Budapest and bought a Ferencvaros top haha.

I got in to so many different conversations, met a ton of people and experienced the kind of trip that i have never experienced before- solo travel and only spending a few days in each country, while staying in hostels along the way. I only stayed in Airbnb's in Krakow and Split, and in hostels everywhere else. I also think its good to stay in them because 1- it keeps you humble. 2- you appreciate having your own space, your own room and toilet etc when you return home.

I am already thinking of where i am going on my next trip, and quite like the idea of going to India and Nepal as i would like to see the Himalayas. I think there is a chance that, in the future, i might attempt Mount Everest, but this is not something in my immediate plans. It would be sick to just see those amazing mountains, and i have heard the Nepali people are very nice too. I've never been to Asia either, and i feel like i need a change after just visiting nine countries in Europe- i don't plan on doing much more travel in that continent this year.

I got back on Tuesday, so i've been back for a few days now and got in a couple sessions, though last night i played pretty bad- and even timed out with QQ vs a 3bet haha. I checked in my pre flop sims and that cost me $270 in EV haha. I almost never misclick pre, so that was pretty annoying. I was planning to play today but i got too stressed out by my session yesterday, so i decided to take the day off and catch up on lots of small things that i need to do- like cut my hair and write my RIO blog hehe.

Back to the grind tomorrow, and back to the polar opposite lifestyle of a hostel- sitting in my room by myself and grinding on my PC. But i wouldn't have it any other way.

Lets go!

Great stuff, I've always loved the Balkans. Think, in it's own way, it's one of the most interesting and unique parts of Europe. Do you mind posting a link to the Salzburg hostel? I've always wanted to go to Austria and it'd be nice to know a decent place to stay if I make it out to Salz.

Finally finding a flat, and getting back on the grind

Life-

Since last November/December i have, off and on, been looking for a place to buy. Being a poker player who enjoys the freedom of not having his own boss and being told what to do, then naturally i have been fairly indecisive in terms of figuring out where i'd like to move to. It's like when you go on Netflix and want to select a movie to watch, only to quit after fifteen minutes when you realise that you are completely overwhelmed by the endless amount of options at your disposal.

I enjoy travelling and also don't see myself staying in one particular place for 20-30 years, just because this seems pointless to me as after a certain point, you essentially know what each day will bring. You will see the same faces, fall in to the same routines and walk the same streets day after day. Why subject yourself to this 'sameness' when there are endless different places you could move to? Whether that be in the country of your birth, or in a foreign land.

For me buying in Scotland was the only real option. It would be far too complicated to buy abroad, but at the same time i have been fairly eager to invest in a property so that i always have somewhere to come back to when i return to Scotland and also so that i have a long term asset and investment that will increase in value over time. I can also use it as an income generator if i decide to go travelling for the Summer, or of i decide to go away for even longer.

With the way the current online games have been since i returned from my travels this month (in July) then i am not filled with optimism about high stakes online cash games. The games have been dead and its becoming more and more difficult to put in volume. However, its okay. I do not expect the online poker gravy train to last forever and if it does end any time soon, i will figure out what to do next- whether that be playing more live poker, opening up a training site or abandoning poker completely and starting some other kind of business (which is the least likely of the three options).

So with that in mind, i decided to buy a place that was a little cheaper, cos i wanted to leave myself some sort of live poker roll for if i wish to play more live poker in the next year or so. I've also essentially decided, bankroll dependent, that i am going to go to the WSOP next Summer and play in the main event etc. I turn thirty in September, and i think its a good time to go as playing at the WSOP has always been on my bucket list.

Anyways, i have found a three bedroom flat in Inverness and had my offer officially accepted earlier today. I got it for a little under the valuation, so i am happy about that too. It needs a decent amount of work done internally in terms of decoration etc, but i am excited to try this myself and with the help of friends and family. I will need to do a lot of painting, sand the floors, knock out cupboards etc but i am excited because i want to learn to do a lot of these things by myself. I have a decent vision of how the place will look like when i am finished- which is a lot nicer than it currently looks!

It'll probably take 2-3 months until i get the keys and can move in, but i'm happy that the search is finally concluded and i can get back to focusing on poker again.

Poker-

I have been back for almost two weeks now and even though my volume has been quite poor, i've been happy that i'm putting in hands again- even on days when i really don't feel like playing. All of these hands add up by the end of the year. Win rate has never been an issue for me but i've always struggled with volume. It wasn't too bad when 500z was running 24/7 as i could just load up four tables of 500z and get in 700+ hands per hour, but now i'm lucky to get in 300 hands per hour at regular tables due to the zoom pool completely dying out.

It really was an amazing stake. You were playing against good enough players that made it mentally challenging and stimulating, but at the same time you could get a decent edge if you were willing to do what other players weren't. You could also put in a ton of volume in a short space of time, which was great for me as someone who struggles to put in a lot of hands. The zoom format is really unmatched imo- no bum hunting, no seat scripts, no insta sitting out when the fish busts. Just sit down, load up some tables and get in a ton of hands!

However, like i said, all good things must come to an end at some point. I made quite a lot of money from 500z so i cannot complain and i had a lot of fun in the process. This is what i signed up for when i became a poker player. I didn't sign up for lifetime security in my job. I signed up for the intellectual challenge and the opportunity to make money. Thus far, online poker has ticked both boxes for me. So now it could be time to try my 'luck' in live poker as well :)

Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity.

I prepared well away from the tables. I figured things out in PIO before my peers did and i was willing to put all my chips in the middle with air- no matter what stack size. So when the opportunity of 500z, and indeed online poker in general, arose, i took it with both hands.

There is a certain amount of luck within that. My final $300 deposit on poker during my Summer holidays between years one and two of University, never going back to Uni and managing to run that $300 up to $8k, down to $2k and then up and down like a yoyo over the course of the next couple years as i tried to figure out how to become a profitable, consistent poker player. Or how my friend randomly introduced me to play poker while we were sitting around the table at his grandmas house, before convincing me and my other friends to go to the casino with him to try our luck there.

It could have all been so different, but that is life. We are presented with certain opportunities and it's up to us whether or not we grab them with both hands or let them pass by.

Are you serious about poker? How badly do you want it? Or are you just drifting through each session on auto pilot with your 47 wwsf, bitching out of bluffs left, right and centre?

Maybe i'll need to go and play live poker, but if i do, then you can be sure i will be battling for every pot like my life depended on it.

Don't fold pocket 3's #1

Don't fold pocket 3's #2

Pairs are good hands

Villain snap called river

Nice update! About the z500 pool dying out, what do you think is the main reason? Is it a sign of 'high stakes' online dying out in general or are the players mainly playing elsewhere? Or a mix of both?

Starting a daily poker journal

Poker journal-

While I was away in Athens I bought a small notebook that I decided I was going to use to track my daily study and playing time. For me, something that has been very helpful in the past couple of years is to make lists and to physically write things down, so that I have clarity of what I need to do and also so that the things that may have been overwhelming me in my mind, now have a tangible form.

Five things cluttering your mind may need to anxiety and you becoming overwhelmed. However five things written down on a piece of paper somehow feel a lot more manageable, and you are now able to work through each one until you have completed all of them. Your mind becomes free in this process and you can play poker with more focus, and enjoy life to a much greater extent when you aren't worried or distracted about several things at once.

One of my main goals this year was to treat my poker career like a full time job, with planned days off and more of a routine etc, instead of just sporadically playing when I felt like it and taking random days off. For the most part i have done this pretty well, but i still find myself taking unplanned days off and i'm probably only playing on average four days per week instead of five.

So each and every day i just make a short entry in to the notebook- the amount of time I have spent studying and the amount of time that I have spent playing. If I decide to take a day off then I need to write the reason down for taking this day off. Sometimes they are planned (for example Monday is usually to catch up on tasks etc and to play football in the evening and Saturday is usually to go away somewhere or do something social). However, if I decide to take a random day off on a Thursday, then I have to explain why. Sometimes you may be in a bad mood and thus it would be -EV to play, however many times your mind can't even come up with a rational explanation for why you don't want to play, and you are merely trying to take the path of least resistance by watching Youtube or Netflix instead of grinding. This is the area that I am trying to eradicate through accountability and discipline.

Poker-

In terms of how my poker is going just now, I would say that things are going pretty well. Obviously I would like to increase my volume, but my results have been very good and overall I feel like my consistency has been pretty good when it comes to playing. Even on days where I don't feel like playing, I usually override these thoughts and play regardless, and then find myself feeling very satisfied and proud of myself after the session has concluded and I have gotten in my hands for the day.

Also, I have realised that I have been in my comfort zone to a certain extent with poker in the past few years. I have not moved up as aggressively as I should have and I have taken the 'safe' path by playing stakes that I know I can beat relatively easily. There's not really a rational explanation I can give for this, because my WR's at pretty much every stake i've played have always been very high, and probably higher than many of the guys that have pushed on and are now playing the nosebleeds. The difference is that these guys decided to push their boundaries and see how far they could get in the game, and I was content to grind 500z and playing some 1k and 2k on the side.

So even though I am about to buy a house and take a fairly substantial chunk out of my roll, in the next couple of years I want to see what stakes that I can get to. Even last night I was playing $25/50 and bluff jammed otr (thankfully my opponent folded) and my heart was pounding when he was tanking. I was very proud of myself though because it would have been easy not to have joined that table in the first place. It would have been easy to give up my hand on the turn and take my equity, and it would have been easy to chicken out otr and avoid losing the $4k that I was about to put in the middle.

But sometimes in life you have to put on your big boy shoes and pull the trigger, even if it's at your highest stake.

My volume this month has been okay, given that I am in the process of buying a house and also have plans for social things as well as studying and coaching etc too. My aim is to play 20k hands this month, but i'll have to up the volume this week if i want to get there as i'm a little behind pace. The last few sessions have gone very well and I feel like I am reaping the benefits of my consistent, daily study. Obviously it's easy to think that you are amazing when you are running well, but I would prefer to focus on the variables that I can control- which are the way that I play in game. I can have a good, winning session but still be fixated on one hand where I punted off a stack. Likewise I can have a session where I got crushed and be really happy about the way that I played.

Poker is just a process. We show up, try to play well and hope that the variance is in our favour. I was listening to the Audiobook of Jordan Peterson's latest book and he said something about rats that I thought was very interesting. Young male rats like to wrestle, but basically whoever is bigger always wins. So once they have identified which rat is stronger, then the stronger one needs to let the weaker one win (usually around 30-40% of the time) to incentivize him to keep playing with him. If he truly used his weight advantage and won 100% of the time, then the weaker rat would lose motivation and stop playing with him.

So this seemed to me like a great analogy for poker. We NEED the variance of poker, so that the weaker rats (the recreational players) keep coming back. If it was like chess where the better player wins almost every time, then the fish would stop playing and we would lose the profitability of the game.

Of course it sucks when we are experiencing a downswing, but we also have to realise that variance is what enables us to have a career as poker players. Without it there is no gambling, there are no fish, and there is no money to be made in the game.

GG.

400bb pot at 500z

Whale punting off

Bluff catcher losing to a bluff

Mini Update- completely wasting a day

This week the plan was to take Monday off as usual and play Tuesday-Friday and then go and visit my friend over the weekend (probably staying for two nights and returning on Monday). Unfortunately, today after I done my daily meditation and chess puzzles, I got in to playing a 'few' games of chess. I have quite an addictive personality when it comes to these sorts of things, and I basically ended up playing from around 12:30pm-3:30pm and then for a couple hours later in the day too, before going for a shower at 9pm lol.

Needless to say at that point I wasn't going to play poker as I had fatigued my brain too much by then. It was stupid because there was literally no need for that today and I completely wasted the day for no reason. I've been playing well and running well recently, so I should have stuck to the plan and got on the grind.

Anyways, I am just using this short update as an accountability mirror. Tomorrow I will 100% play- no excuses! I'm only going to do chess puzzles for the rest of the week as well and no more games of chess. I might leave my friends house on Sunday evening as well so that I can go home to grind on Sunday night to make up for todays unplanned day off.

I'm trying to make up for it in some small ways- for example I cooked a double portion of food for dinner tonight so that I don't have to cook again tomorrow, I sent in some documents to GG for verification and I'm going to have a look on Ikea etc for furniture for my new home. I hate wasting days like this, so i'm trying to make an unproductive one slightly more productive. I also studied for around an hour today as well, though it was a pretty poor session in terms of my focus.

Detaching from technology

Life-

Technology has become both a blessing and a curse. We now have everything at the touch of our fingertips. This would have exceeded our wildest expectations one hundred years ago, but we could have also never imagined the negative impact that this would also have on us. There has never been more depression, suicide, divorces and single people (at least in recent history) but at the same time our standard of living is much higher than ever before, our life expectancy is constantly increasing and we have the ability to keep in touch with friends and family that live across the other side of the world. In the past we would have to send a letter and wait for weeks for the reply.

As online poker players, we are clearly beneficiaries of this technological advancement and the freedom that comes with it. We are very fortunate to essentially live in the only era so far in history (at least as far as we are aware) where we could do such a job! Perhaps we could be someone like a Doyle Brunson, Phil Ivey or Phil Hellmuth and grind live poker in Vegas for a living, but being able to do this online is a completely new and unique career.

Overall I really enjoy my job. Like everything in life there are downsides (mostly the lack of social interactions while you work and of course the stresses of winning/losing lots of money) but in my opinion, there are many more positive aspects to the online poker profession- the freedom that you have to work whenever you like, the requirement to be honest with yourself and constantly improve, the competitive aspect of the game, the mental challenge and stimulation, the money you can earn (tax free in the UK) and the fact that you have a job that almost every other guy on the planet would regard as being cool as fuck! :D

I remember reading a book and it talked about social media and how we should use it as a tool, instead of allowing it to use us. I thought that this was a great quote. When we go on Instagram, for example, we are often just mindlessly scrolling through stories, or watching random reels and doing so completely unconsciously. However, if we remain conscious while we use social media, then we can use it as a tool. We can use it to self promote (if you want to do coaching, run a CFP or start your own business), we can use it to keep in touch with friends and family, we can use it to meet like minded people (for example other people in the poker community) and we can get ideas from other peoples photos etc on where to travel to, or perhaps a new activity to try out.

So for me it seems like we are trying to wrestle between either 'using' or being 'used by' technology in general. We have all the tools to be happy every single day, yet we are not. Sometimes I realise that I have essentially spent the entire day on technology in one form or another. I wake up, I play music on Spotify and do meditation, then I do some chess puzzles (and sometimes play games) on Chess.com. Afterwards I tend to watch Youtube for a little while. Then I make breakfast and go on my computer, perhaps watching a training video or doing my own study. I might mess around on my phone for a bit and then play poker (on my computer) later on. After finishing I often wind down by watching Youtube and go on my phone before sleeping.

Now, I would say that I am nowhere near as bad or addicted as many people are (especially with their phones) but I am still on technology too much. There is no reason why I can't spend 30 mins per day reading, if I can spend twice as long watching Youtube. There is no reason for me to take earphones with me on a walk, when I am plugged in to my computer for most of the day for work (I basically never take earphones/headphones out in public and tend to leave my phone at home while i'm on a walk). There is no reason why I should be checking my phone when I am hanging out with a friend, instead I should be giving them my complete attention. There is no reason that I shouldn't be organising a few sporting activities per week, and being fully present in those activities- like my weekly football, tennis (I started playing recently), golf, hiking/walking in nature or working out. Throughout my entire marathon training and subsequent marathon run (last year) I never listened to music during any of the runs. No headphones, just trying to enjoy the experience of running and absorb my surroundings.

Now, like I said, I am still far from perfect and I'm definitely still on technology too much, but these are some of the things that I do to minimise the negative impact of it on my life, and merely use it as a tool instead of being so absorbed in my phone that I cannot fully listen to what my friend is saying. It's a conscious choice that we make each and every day- are we going to be used by technology, or use it as a tool to improve our daily existence?

Poker-

As I alluded to in my previous, short entry, I was very frustrated about taking a random unplanned day off for no reason other than that I was mentally weak. However, since then I was happy with how I responded- I played Friday (took Saturday off to visit a friend) and played Sunday as well, albeit short sessions both times because the games were fairly dead. I got back relatively late on Sunday evening (around 9pm) and it would have been easy to take the path of least resistance and allow myself another day off, but I got some hands in regardless.

Today, as is usually the case, is supposed to be my day off from grinding (along with Saturday). However, my volume this month has been poor so I decided to skip the day off and get on the grind instead. I started off the day doing some coaching, then studied some BVB SRP hands- which aren't always the most fun to review, but they are certainly worth doing for the sake of your overall game! I just wanted to get in 1k hands today, so I played 600 odd hands before my game of football, and another 600 odd hands after my game of football (and also after I had eaten a pizza, cos I didn't have time to cook!). It was one of my most productive days in a while tbh, and I read for around 30-40 minutes as well. The last time I was at my friends house I forgot to take my book 'Columbine' home with me, which was quite tilting because I was really enjoying the book. So I picked that up at the weekend and started reading it again today. Fortunately I marked which page I was on with a fold in the corner, so I didn't have to guess haha.

I would definitely recommend the book and I find it extremely interesting for some reason- much more interesting than the book on Chernobyl that I read while I was travelling, though that was a good book too. Reading is of course a good way to detach from technology as well- so not only is it a good form of entertainment, or a good way to learn new things, it's also great at getting us off of our computers or phones!

My target this month was to play 20k hands (a modest goal) but unfortunately I fell a little short and played around 18k hands. However, I was still fairly consistent in playing so I am not far away from my desired poker schedule- I just have to embrace and overcome the mental weakness when it arises, and inevitably tries to talk me out of playing.

On a positive note, my results were very good and I ran pretty hot this month. I feel like I am kind of wasting my time by playing $500nl now in all honesty, so if I can get in more volume on other sites either later this year or early next year, then I'll cut it out and only play $1k+ (or perhaps the odd game of $500z when it runs). I cut out $200z earlier this year, and have zero plans of ever playing that again. It's time to conquer stakes and move on, instead of remaining in the comfort zone of them for years.

I'd like to start studying more 200bb poker in the coming months as well as I feel like it's quite important for when you are playing deep stacked short handed matches. 200bb poker is quite a lot different to 100bb poker, and it's likely that both players will be fairly poor at it cos it's such a complex game to study. So if you are willing to put in the work there then you can probably get a decent edge. It's fun to battle vs really good players and test your wits against them, even though it's equally as enjoyable when a whale sits down at your table and punts off to you! There was some whale like player playing tonight, so I basically played until he bust and then I ended my session. It's funny cos he was insanely aggressive but I get the impression he might be a winning live player, but there is a big step up when it comes to online and the live crusher can quickly become the fish, especially at higher stakes.

It was pretty random though cos the games on Friday and Sunday night were pretty dead, but for some reason the games tonight (Monday) were very good! Perhaps Monday is the new weekend :P

GG.

July results

Bonus $5 extra

Getting back in to the swing of things and shotting $10knl

Life-

It's another Monday and time to post my weekly RIO update again! Throughout my poker career I've always been very scatter brained when it comes to routine and I just played randomly when I felt like it, and didn't play when i didn't feel like it. However, I don't think this is a great approach because you never truly know when you have a 'day off' or not. I think a part of my anxiety around sitting down and starting a session (which i've always had to a certain extent) is partly because of the fact that I did not allocate myself specific days off. Now I don't suffer from that problem.

Monday is my day off to catch up on tasks/chores, get back to messages, to post on here and to play my weekly game of football. Saturday is my day off to do something to social, to go and see a friend or to go to a sporting event. To drive some place new or visit a family member. Knowing I have these specified days off now helps to alleviate any anxiety around playing off my mind because on these days I have license to completely detach from poker and not even think about it, unless I want to. Then on the other five days of the week I have clarity- it's time to play! Of course sometimes might take a random unplanned day off, but overall my goal #1 for this year's blog is getting achieved.

Recently me and my friend have been playing tennis weekly, but I realised that I don't particularly enjoy it. Sure it's fun to do as something different, on a nice warm, Summers day, but it's not a sport that I particularly enjoy outside of that. So I think we will have to find a different sport to take up- though I feel a little guilty because he just recently bought a tennis racquet haha.

However, one that I have definitely been enjoying is golf. I used to play as a kid and got to a handicap of around ten at one point. It's safe to say I'd be nowhere near that nowadays though, but I've been getting some lessons to fix my massive overswing and I have my final one on Sunday. My coach is a decent guy but I don't think I would book any lessons with him again in the future. I get the impression he just doesn't really care that much and isn't very passionate about the sport. I have paid for thirty minute lessons, but he has left after twenty minutes on the past two occasions. The only reason that I didn't bother saying anything is because he works alongside a family member, so I don't see the point in making things awkward.

When I do coaching I might talk to the student for fifteen or so minutes about general things, but I always guarantee at least an hour of actual poker coaching. Obviously I can always improve as a coach but I think that respecting your student both as a person (by being interested in their life) and making sure they get what they paid for (an hours worth of coaching) are non negotiables for me.

I ended up playing an eighteen holer on Saturday with my brother and I really enjoyed myself, even though I shot 102 haha. My goal was to break 100, but I fell just short. Obviously this is massive drop from a ten handicap, but at one point I shot around 130, so at least i've improved from my lowest point. My strongest point is my putting, but my driving is very erratic and my wedges are very poor. I started to hit the greens with them towards with them on the back nine, but early on I think I missed 6/6 greens with a wedge from around 100 yards away. I got up and down quite a lot (including three holes in a row) and only three putted twice (which were both very careless more than anything).

Anyways, my equipment is literally from around fifteen years ago and I haven't bought any clubs since i was a junior, so I will get fitted and get some newer clubs/shoes etc in the coming months. Golf is quite an expensive sport as a set could easily cost your £1k-2k, but I think it's still worth it.

In keeping with last weeks post about 'detaching from technology', golf is a great way to get off your phone, computer etc for several hours and spend time outside and with friends (or by yourself if you fancy it). Our round lasted three and a half hours and it could have easily been four hours if there were more groups ahead of us.

I think the tennis might get put on the back burner, but golf is back on the menu!

Poker-

Last week I, technically, played five days. On Monday I had to grind as it was the last day of the month, to get in a few more hands for June as I was a little behind my hands goal. However, on both Tuesday and Wednesday I felt pretty burnt out and took a couple of days off. Sometimes I feel inner guilt about taking an unplanned day off (or two) but I don't if it's because of burn out, because I know that my body and mind have earned the time off.

On Thursday and Friday it was time to get back on the grind, though! After such a good month last month, it was always going to be tricky to maintain that positive variance and I had one or two poor sessions. On Saturday I was just chilling watching a Triton stream (which i've been doing all week) when a friend messaged me about a $10knl game that was running on Stars, and said if I wanted to play and sell some action, then he would take it. So on my 'day off' I randomly ended up playing in $10k buy in cash game for only the second time before. Obviously these stakes are out of my comfort zone, but I've realised recently that I need to keep exposing myself to this discomfort if I want to fully realise my potential.

There is a Youtube channel called 'Yes Theory' and their slogan is 'seek discomfort'. I think this is a brilliant slogan, especially for poker players. It's always uncomfortable and awkward to expose yourself to higher stakes. To take your mind out of it's comfort zone and win (and lose) bigger amounts than you have ever lost before. However, this is the journey that we signed up for. As soon as we stop seeking discomfort, then we are no different to the reg grinding $100nl for the past ten years and trying to make an honest living. Of course there is nothing wrong with taking such an approach, but if we want a nice comfortable, safe, easy job then why would we sign up for poker in the first place?

We signed up for chaos. We signed up for unpredictability. We signed up for variance. We signed up for stress. Most of all, we signed up to see how far we could get in this game and where it could take us. So let's not create our own barriers from the fear created within our own minds. Let's just try out best and see where it takes us, while seeking discomfort in the process.

GG.

Nice blog, seems like you're enjoying your time off the tables.

We signed up for chaos. We signed up for unpredictability. We signed up for variance. We signed up for stress. Most of all, we signed up to see how far we could get in this game and where it could take us. So let's not create our own barriers from the fear created within our own minds. Let's just try out best and see where it takes us, while seeking discomfort in the process.

Very well written, very inspiring. Our mind can be the one thing keeping us from achieving greatness. Will be following your journey for sure! :)

Behaviour first, thoughts and feelings follow

Life-

There is something that has been on my mind for several years now. Do we need the confidence before we do the action, or do we gain confidence as a result of doing the action?

For example, let's say that we are talking about poker. If someone wants to become good at poker, do they first need to have the confidence in themselves that they can execute a good strategy in game, or can they have no confidence to begin with, but slowly gain it from constantly improving themselves by studying, playing hands etc?

Did Ronaldo need confidence to become the best footballer in the world, or did he develop his confidence over time as a result of being the best footballer in the world?

I'm not sure. I think that there are several factors involved. First of all, having negative and toxic thoughts are destructive if you wish to excel at anything- whether that be a card game, a sport, University, learning an instrument etc.

So I would say that our baseline should be;

even if we don't have much confidence yet in our chosen activity, at the very least, avoid having self sabotaging thoughts and feelings towards this activity.

We want to become a blank slate that is ready to absorb information and improve, not a broken slate that needs to be glued together before it can be written on.

Andrew Huberman talked about this and said something along the lines of- it's silly of us to think that thoughts come before the behaviour, it's behaviour first, thoughts and feelings follow.

This makes a ton of sense. I noticed this in myself over the years. I wanted to wait until the time is right, until I have the confidence to do something, before I do it. However, the reality is that it doesn't matter if you have the confidence to do it or not, what matters is that you do it. The action of overriding your self sabotaging thoughts and feelings (that are trying to keep you within your comfort zone) is in itself, quite liberating and will give you the confidence in yourself that you can battle through them again in the future. If you keep doing this then you develop confidence, you don't wait for it to magically appear.

So like Huberman says- behaviour first, thoughts and feelings follow.

If we wait for the perfect time to do something, it will never arrive and we will have wasted an opportunity to learn something new, meet someone new or travel some place new. Our thoughts will always attempt to keep us in our comfort zone, so we have to ignore them and follow through with our goals and plans regardless.

Poker-

Poker has gone quite terribly this month tbh. As well as I done last month in terms of results (albeit in a relatively small sample) i've done almost equally as poorly this month haha. Overall I would say that I have played pretty well, but i've just been smashed in the face by negative variance- AKo in to AA multiple times in a session, bluff jamming otr and running in to a rivered set, barrelling off for value and losing to some random trips combo that shouldn't even call pre flop etc. It's funny how variance works, cos last month it was as if I would win almost every session, and so far this month it is the opposite haha.

However, part of it is also that I am mixing lots of different stakes. My average grind is $500-$2k, but I played $10k in one session (and lost a buy in) and have been running poorly at $2k as well. So obviously if you run shit at your highest stakes then it's a problem. I've been having some issues with my computer blocking some programmes recently, so I haven't been able to play on ACR in around two weeks and I also plan on starting to play on GG once I can run some pre flop sims for their rake structure- but my computer is blocking my pre flop sims as well. So hopefully I get this fixed this week and I can get on to a other sites again- and not just grinding Stars.

I am also going on holiday this Saturday to Madrid with my friend for around a week, which should be fun. One of the reasons for going there is that I was thinking about going to EPT Barcelona, but with this downswing I kind of want to just grind online and not add on the extra variance that live poker brings. I am behind pace on my volume goal for this year and that is a higher priority than playing a live tournament (or live cash games).

So even though playing an EPT/WSOP was one of my goals for this year, I think I need to (in the words of Jocko Willink) prioritise and execute. Live poker isn't really a priority for me (at least for now) but getting in volume online and moving up in stakes to $5k and $10k, is.

My natural temperament isn't very good for the stresses of high stakes poker (I can get pretty pissed off if i'm running bad in a session) but I am trying to battle through regardless. Overall i'm a very calm person, but when it comes to competitive games (or watching sports etc) I get way too emotionally invested.

Anyways, maybe at some point i'll decide that my current stakes are fine and settle there, but I want to at least give it a shot to move up because I think i'm definitely good enough (in terms of my poker skill levels) to do so. Perhaps I am not from a temperamental/emotional standpoint- but there's only one way to find out!

GG.

Life
I always feel that feelings are always present so how can one say that first first behavior then thoughts and then feeling. If he's talking about actions to take like wanting to become a poker player then yes I agree but when I play a hand at the poker table as soon as I see the flop the feeling comes first then the thinking and then the action. So as you say when you want to achieve anything then yes one need to start (behavior) first and think about how to achieve the goal and if that is worth it (feeling). One should by the way not wait for the perfect moment but create the perfect circumstances to excel, so building a good morning routine for instance like Huberman talks about is an essential part of becoming a good poker player as well as making sure that your health is optimal.

Poker
Problem here is that one does just not know if one is a good player or bad player unless someone else tells you. Humans are just bad at judging how good or bad one is, our mind is just not wired for it. We always want and therefor our mind will always try to trick us to believe that we are good or even the best at something.

Variance is indeed a big thing in poker and not getting good results for longer periods is just part of the game.

If your temperament is not fit for high stakes poker well that is one of the main things you should work on. One could e.g. limit sessions to at most one hour at a time and make sure you calm down in between and just play more sessions a day. Also making sure that you start with the correct mindset or have focus point (e.g. attacking weak check backs) during the session that is other then winning money may make it easier to take bad beats as that is not your focus point.

I am going to EPT Barcelona

Just a short update to say that I will be going to EPT Barcelona later this month. Like I said in my original post ITT, I wanted to go to either the WSOP or an EPT this year, but I was going to skip this event because of a recent downswing. However, as I alluded to in my last post, I need to expose myself to these swings if I am going to mentally overcome them and move up in stakes. I'm not sure whether or not I will actually play the EPT or just grind cash, but either way I am looking forward to it.

If you are going and wanna meet up, shoot me a message as I just booked to go myself- though I do know a few people that are going already. I'm going to grind for the next three days then I'm going to Madrid on Saturday for a week with a friend, then on to Barcelona by myself afterwards.

Hope to see some of you guys in Barcelona :)

Trying to move up

Life-

I just got back on Monday from being away for a couple weeks, first to Madrid, with my friend, and then on to Barcelona to play at the EPT. It was nice to get away and enjoy some very good weather again. Personally I enjoyed Madrid much more than Barcelona, as it was a bit more chilled and less touristy. Barcelona was just extremely busy for me and a bit more intense. I didn't even make it down to the beach as I was staying around 2.5 miles away from it, and whenever I went down in that direction it was basically just to go to the casino.

I did really enjoy going to Gaudi's Casa Battlo though, and would definitely recommend visiting it if you are ever in Barcelona. The city has some really cool sites- such as the Arc De Triomf etc, but like I said, it's just a little too busy and intense for me.

In terms of poker, I didn't play the EPT and instead played cash games. I actually didn't bother playing any tournaments while I was there. Most of my volume was at 5/10, as I am not used to playing live and I'd often get very uncomfortable in hands- especially if I was bluffing, with one session of 10/20 as well. So this trip was more about getting used to and comfortable playing live poker and enjoying some sun, instead of being purely profit driven. I ended up making a little money, though I lost a decent chunk in my final session that went on from around 10pm at night until almost 6am in the morning. There was a pretty big fish at the table so we all ended up grinding until he quit. I could barely win a pot against him though and got stacked with AA against his 62s limp/call pre on K62cc. He only runs it once and on the 2/9 run out, I was almost certain that I had won- until he showed me the bad news!

Poker-

I was just watching a Nuno Alvarez HU video there and what he said really hit home;

What happens in poker is that once you reach a certain level, is that
most of the difficulty in order to move up, doesn't have to do with
the actual technical game, it just has to do with the mental game.

While I was away in Barcelona I realised that what was holding me back was not from technical/theoretical perspective, but more so a mental one. I realised that I had a bit of mental block when it came to moving up to $5k/$10knl, and that it would probably be a good idea to hire a mental game coach to help me to overcome this. I have always had pretty good WR's on all the stakes that I've played, but in the past couple years I've not really moved up past $2knl- despite getting a lot better during this period. Those higher stakes games are often softer too, with one big fish and usually one or two bum hunting regs, coupled with the rake which is almost 0bb/100 at those stakes, at least on Stars.

I think that in order to move up to the nosebleeds, you have to have a certain level of degen within you, because it's not very 'natural' for a person to be able to lose the cost of a brand new car (or several of them) during one session. For most people, that would be completely unthinkable- even if they had the roll to risk it.

So last night a friend messages me and tells me that there is a $10knl game on Stars running, and that he will take some of my action if i wanna play. In all honesty I wasn't that bothered about playing, but the guy is a pretty big fish and there were two bum hunting regs on the table too, alongside two good regs. I ended up playing, playing my A game (I already reviewed all my hands and was very happy about the solver outputs aligning with my in game logic/decisions) but losing 1.5 buy ins. Obviously that is nothing, but when your usual highest stake is $2k, then it's quite a lot!

I've actually lost around $26k in 350 hands of $10knl (albeit I sold action for these losses) which isn't particularly fun, but if i want to move up and make real money (not just $100k-$200k py) then I have to, in the words of David Goggins, callous my mind. Does it hurt to lose this amount of money? Of course, especially in your first session back after taking a couple weeks off, to instantly lose $15k and then go back to playing your daily grind of $500nl-$2knl. However, I need to progress, I need to move up. If I can't handle losing a couple buy ins then I have no hope of becoming a regular at nosebleeds.

Perhaps this year will be a disappointing one in terms of results and money earned, but it (should) pay dividends in the coming years, if i'm able to successfully move up to $5k, $10knl and beyond. CD9K (he also has a really good blog on here) has given me a bit of a kick up the arse in terms of seeing him aggressively move up in stakes and try to reach the top. I've played with plenty guys over the years who have gone on to move up to the nosebleeds, as I just sit in my comfort zone.

It's time to play higher, to expose myself to the swings, and to callous my mind in the process. Hopefully I'll come back to this post in a couple years and see this as the turning point where I went from my comfort zone of $500nl-$2knl, and threw that all out of the window to push beyond, on to the nosebleeds. Let's see what happens, but all I know is that I'm good enough to get there.

GG.

Bluffing off at $10knl

i remember almost crying like a baby when losing some buyins at 50nl years ago

zache86 the cumulated frustrations of giving it everything you got and expecting your WR to be X but you look at your results to see you are losing or slightly winning can be very demoralizing to any human with any sort of expectations for their hard work. Especially hard when you have all your eggs in one basket and your life revolves around poker during that time period.

What makes a good student?

Life-

This week I have been trying to sort out the final details for my house purchase, as I'm supposed to move in on the 29th of September, which is only a little over two weeks away. This has involved emails, signing forms and trying to negotiate a reasonable price for a used washing machine, fridge etc that the current property owners are trying to shift.

I don't own a ton of stuff, so it's weird in a sense that now I 'have' to buy all these things (like a fridge, washing machine, furniture, beds etc) that I have never had to purchase before, having either lived at my parents or in rented accommodation for my entire life thus far. I try to keep things relatively minimalist, and I only really buy things when I actually need them. At the moment I am wearing a scabby old pair of Nike trainers that I bought last year while I was in Riga, and that I have worn in to the ground. I just do this until they need replaced and then I buy a new pair. It's the same with mobile phones- I had my last one for around four years, before it eventually packed in and I bought an Iphone mini (which I actually really like). Hopefully this phone lasts a similar amount of time too.

I would say that my overall approach in life is to (try to) be humble, both in the sense of always realising that I can get better at whatever I do (whether that be poker, chess, football, golf, tennis, learning Spanish, meditating, improving my diet etc) or in terms of avoiding buying things that I do not need. I don't mind buying good quality products (so that they last longer than cheap alternatives) but then I will basically just use them until they are worn out or broken.

The one thing that I have considered splashing out on is a good watch, cos at the moment I just use a Garmin Tactical (which I really like) but it is more of a running watch instead of a high quality one that could be worn out to a nice dinner etc. However, thus far I haven't bought one, and I will wait until after I have bought everything that I need for the house etc before I consider splashing out on myself.

Poker-

It's been quite stressful trying to sort out everything for the move while at the same time going through a big downswing as well. A big chunk of this is from my failed $10knl shots, but overall I've been running extremely shit recently and can barely have one winning session. However, I feel like I'm playing pretty well and when I'm reviewing hands then it's good to see that plenty of my plays are aligning with the solvers logic/outputs.

So all I can do is continue to play well, and eventually the positive variance will come back around :)

Coaching-

Recently I've been doing quite a lot of coaching, with three new students joining in the past week. Over the years I have coached quite a lot of people, with differing personalities, work ethics, skill levels and enthusiasm to learn. So at this point I will say that I can fairly accurately gauge very quickly whether or not the student will become successful in the game in the coming years and able to move up in stakes etc.

For example, my most successful student (I shared his graph on my Instagram page), I knew after basically one session that he would go on to do very well.

First of all, as a coach, my favourite guys to coach (by far) are the ones that, after you tell them your coaching approach/methodology, they just insta book a block of sessions. Because they put that trust in you as a coach (despite, most likely, not knowing a ton about you) then you feel valued and then want to reciprocate this trust and help them to get as good as possible. The ones that hesitate, book one session or want to do a call beforehand tend to be more cautious and closed minded students that are less trusting, and usually aren't as open to absorbing new information or completely changing their approach to the game- even if it hasn't been very successful thus far.

In terms of the coaching, the best students will have a very open mind when it comes to learning and will be very enthusiastic to learn and improve. They will ask plenty questions and will be very good listeners, instead of trying to talk constantly and prove to you how much they know about the game- which is a complete waste of time from their perspective, cos they are paying you to be coached, yet are trying to prove how much they know about the game for the sake of their ego. They will take notes (if they like learning in that way) and they will study the concepts that we have discussed during out session, in between lessons on their own time, instead of thinking that doing the coaching session in isolation is 'enough'.

The aforementioned student also had a mental game coach, so he was completely focused on improving and did everything he could in order to achieve this improvement. I don't coach him any longer fwiw, but I just wanted to use him as the example because he was such a pleasure to coach and work with.

Of course I realise that some people will not like my approach to coaching (perhaps they want a more exploitative approach, or one more focused on stats etc) but I am just talking about the people that I like coaching the most, are the ones in the sort of mould that i outlined.

Perhaps some people will get offended by some of my comments, but these are just my experiences from coaching lots of different types of students. In all honesty I'll probably just stop doing one off sessions as nobody can really improve with one random session anyways, and I'd rather just coach students that are serious about improving and moving up, instead of trying to go for the quick fix of a one off coaching session.

Anyways, hopefully people find this topic interesting as I just thought that I'd do something a bit different, as I often hear about what makes a good coach, but almost never what makes a good student.

GG.

Slow playin'

Funny hand

Hi Demo, not saying this is the case for you, as you evidently beat the games you play and are quite transparent about your pokergame and yourself, but I disagree that people should buy 5 or 10hours of coaching instead of 1 to try it out. There are just too many shitcoaches around and I highly recommend to try out one hour before committing to much money. Im sure I ran bad with my coachings choices, but in retrospective the coaches where insanely overpriced, a lot of them probably not even winning players and tbh those coachings were just a shit show, without real interest in improving the student.

So I strongly encouarage to get in touch with the coach and talk with him how he wants to imrpove you as a player and try out 1 session before doing anything else.

How do you personally deal with making people better at poker? Does the thought of improving someone to a level that he competes with you at your stakes bother you? Or do you just hand out everything you know as they pay for it and you know yourself that you still can improve a lot your game and it s all about work ethic at the end? Hope this doesnt come through as criticism, If I were a NL player I would book sessions from you :) but curious anyway about these points.

Excited

Life-

On Sunday I turn thirty and a week on Friday (the 29th of September) I am moving in to my first ever home. This feels like the perfect point to buy my first house and to move on to the next chapter in my life. During my twenties I have changed a lot, matured a ton, got much better at poker and moved up in stakes. However, I also seen my social life slowly deteriorate as friends started to have kids and were moving away- whether that be to another city or abroad. Recently I feel like my social life has a better balance with the introduction of weekly football, tennis etc, but it is still going to be a main focus once I move to Inverness.

I am excited. I am someone who needs to have a change of scenery as I get bored of a place after a certain amount of time and I wish to move some place else. When I travel I like going to countries that I haven't been to before, because I realise that we only have a limited amount of time on this earth and thus it makes sense to see as much of it as possible- while making sure we have novel experiences in the process.

Having come from a small town, I enjoyed my time in the big city. I liked the sporting events available at your doorstep. I enjoyed the nightlife, the endless number of pubs to choose from, the ability to go shopping at any store you wish without having to drive thirty minutes to get there, the ever changing faces of tourists, visitors etc that you would walk by on a daily basis. I think that it's vital that someone from a town move to a city at some point in their lives, and vice versa, but now it's time to move to a place where I can shift my focus back towards more nature focused activities. Inverness is great for hiking (which i've hardly done this year). I want to get back in to camping, train for another marathon (for next year) and to do some volunteering to help give back a little.

Whenever my mind drifts nowadays, it is towards the idea of doing long hikes, camping and doing things in nature. It is not towards nightclubs, pubs and clothes shopping. Of course there is nothing wrong with these things, but we just go through different phases in our lives and right now, I am ready to move on to a new one!

Poker-

I've hardly had much time to play poker as i've been very distracted and busy trying to sort out things for moving in to the house, but on Sunday I did play a cash/mtt session which was pretty fun- and I even managed to have a nice winning session again! I'm also excited for poker. I'm very motivated to test myself mentally at higher stakes and to see how far I can go. I am going to keep dipping my toes in the waters of live poker as well, even if it is only once every couple of months.

In the past my fears and anxieties have stopped me from doing many things- from moving off by myself, from travelling alone, from moving up in stakes more aggressively etc, but this year I've noticed a big shift in my mentality in this regard, and now these negative or anxious thoughts have very little power over my ultimate actions. If I want to do something nowadays, I almost always just do it- even if it is uncomfortable or anxiety inducing.

I'm really enjoying playing poker as well. It was fun to play some tournaments again on Sunday for the first time, basically, since May and SCOOP. Of course my main focus will remain cash games, but if I manage to find time, then I will continue to grind some WCOOP events on the side and hopefully bink something soon!

It's pretty sick, as one of my best friends in poker managed to bink second in the Sunday Million for $100k and a couple days later, win a WCOOP event for around $40k. In the past couple of years he has been kind of struggling a little, but it just shows how quickly it can turn around if you stick at it!

I'll try to get in at least a few sessions this week, but my main priority right now is to sort out the house purchase and get all the small things that surround that, sorted as well.

Whenever I do play, though, I am going to focus on enjoying myself and having fun because after all, we fell in love with this game as a hobby first, and then it became a profession later. Lets not forget this.

GG.

Just two regs clicking buttons

Every pot matters!

Why do we play poker?

I was just listening to a Joe Rogan podcast with Francis Ngannou (a heavyweight MMA fighter turned boxer) who is a very interesting guy. His first podcast with Rogan details the trials and tribulations that he had to go through just to get in to Europe as he looked for a better life than the one that he was set to live in his native of Cameroon. This more recent podcast was less focused on this story and more so on his upcoming boxing match with Tyson Fury, who is arguably one of the greatest heavyweights of all time- not that I know a ton about boxing tbh.

One thing that I really like to do is to cook and listen to a podcast. Cooking is one of my passions and I can happily spend one to two hours making food- especially if I am listening to a great podcast while doing so. It's like a double dose of enjoyment at the same time! In the past I didn't really like listening to, or reading biographies or autobiographies, because I felt like they were a little narcissistic. However, now I really enjoy them (though I always try to vary what I read/listen to, so that it does not become boring and stale) and I try to learn about interesting people, so that I can perhaps steal one or two things from their mentality/work ethic/approach to life etc and then apply it to my own.

Francis made one or two comments that I really liked. To me he seems like a very nice and humble guy, which is what I really like in a person and especially in a sportsperson that is the best in the world, simply because it would be so easy for the success to go to their head and thus start to act in an arrogant manner.

One was about how he doesn't like to linger on his 'strengths'. He doesn't really see any fighting attributes to be a 'strength' but more so an area that can always be improved. Of course some areas may need more focus and attention than others, but essentially he is always a work in progress and always has room to improve. Which is the approach and mentality of someone with a growth mindset.

Another one, which may be less about success but more about happiness, was about how he realised that he was training/fighting but wasn't having fun any longer (for a short period of time). It had stopped being his passion and had now simply become a job and a means to make money.

The reason that we got in to poker, originally, was not because we thought we could make a ton of money, it's because we enjoyed the game and the mental and competitive challenge. When you are playing a home game with your friends, or when you go to the casino for the first time, you aren't thinking about turning professional and doing this as a full time job. You are just trying to outwit your opponent(s) and you have fun in the process of doing this. The highs feel extremely high, and the lows crushingly low, but this makes you feel alive.

Playing with a one buy in bankroll (and indeed life roll) seems like a good idea when you stumble in to the casino at 3am after a night out at the club. Intoxicated, you sit down at the £0.25/0.50 table and hope that you win enough to cover your bus journey home at 6:30am on the first bus of the day. You hope that this will fund your McDonalds lunchtime habit and, perhaps, your night out that will inevitably come next week. Maybe by drinking the £1 Jager Bombs, you can leave yourself just enough money to play poker again after the club, and go through the process all over again.

This wasn't fancy living, but it was living. You felt alive because you were one buy in away from having to borrow money from your friend for the bus. You were one busted flush draw away from having to skip McDonalds until your next student loan arrived. However, you were also one bluff away from freerolling those Jager Bombs. Or one big value bet away from a new shirt for your nights out. Perhaps the session went so well that, maybe, you will even treat your friends to a taxi instead of waiting for the bus!

You cash out £200. It's 6:00am and the bus is in thirty minutes. You and your friends are almost completely sober at this point, but all feel like zombies. You've had no sleep and your mind is both tired from playing poker, but also tired from your studies the previous day, as well as from your attempts to pull at the club. You withdrew your last money the previous night and this £200 represents your entire net worth, yet you feel rich. You just 4x'd your money- and done so while being completely drunk! Perhaps there is money to be made in this game, after all...

Anyways, when Francis realised that he wasn't enjoying the sport any longer, he made a conscious decision to have fun again, because, after all, that's why he got in to it in the first place. What happened next? He started to win again.

I think that I am sometimes guilty of taking poker too seriously. I can get very annoyed and frustrated after, or during, a poor session. There have been plenty times where I catch myself essentially counting down the hands or the time until the end of my session. However, I have been making much more of a conscious effort recently to have fun during my sessions. I love this game and it's so cool to be able to do this job for a living. Even if it can be incredibly frustrating and stressful sometimes, I wouldn't want to be doing anything else (at least for now).

I definitely don't plan on doing this job for the next twenty years. If online poker dies then I highly doubt that I would turn to grinding live poker for a living, I would (likely) just see this as the natural end of the road for my poker career and switch my attention towards something else. I really like David Goggins approach to life. He always challenges himself, not just in terms of his workouts etc, but also in terms of his work. With the success of his books etc, it is highly likely that he would never need to 'work' for another day in his life. However, he ends up signing up to be a wildland firefighter. He does one thing, completes it, or sees it as time to move on to a new mission, and then finds his next mission.

My current mission is online poker, but I am already thinking about what to do next. There are so many different experiences to be had on this planet, so doing the same thing for 30+ years makes no sense to me. This is why I don't like staying in one place for too long, because I think that it's pointless to stay in a place for too long when there are so many new places to move to and explore.

With that in mind, I am planning to do some volunteering in a national park in the coming weeks. One of the main reasons for me moving up North is to do more outdoorsy things, so I think that this is a great way to get outside, meet new people and experience new things. I have put my name down to help build a wildcat enclosure, which should be interesting. I think that after poker I either want to do something with food (such as owning my own food truck) or with animals. I think animals is more of a longer term thing, because I doubt I could create much of a business out of that, and thus it's more like something you would either do part time or when you are close to retiring.

Anyways, my current focus is on poker. I am introspective and I know where I need to improve, but at the same time I am very confident in my own game and my approach. I just want to make a very conscious effort to have fun while playing, take the game less seriously (in terms of the swings) and enjoy this profession while it lasts- cos it certainly won't last forever! When it's time up, then it's on to the next mission (as Goggins would say).

GG.

value bet or bluff?

Gratitude

Life-

I moved in to my new house two and a half weeks ago. When I moved here, the only furniture that I had was my PC desk, as well as my desk chair. One of the first things that I had to do was to go and buy an airbed, which I've been sleeping on ever since.

One of my favourite Youtuber's right now is a guy called Liam Brown who does hiking adventures, mostly through the UK, but sometimes further afield as well. During these adventures, he mentions that one of the main reasons for doing these hikes/challenges is in order to appreciate the every day things that we often take for granted- whether that be clean clothes, clean, running water, a warm cup of tea, a comfortable bed or even electricity to charge your phone.

Until we take away something, even for a short time, then we will take it for granted once it becomes the norm for us in our daily lives. A shower feels nice after getting out of bed in the morning, but it feels amazing when you return from a long run in the cold and wind, or after you get drenched on the walk home, or after a weekend of camping at a music festival where you didn't manage to shower at any point.

So this is how I view this airbed situation. Even though my bed (finally) arrived today, the mattress doesn't come until next week. Tomorrow morning I will, inevitably, wake up to a (mostly) deflated mattress, but I don't mind, as I've accepted my current circumstances and I know that when that mattress does arrive, and when the bed is constructed, then I'll appreciate that comfortable bed so much more than before.

I didn't have the internet for two weeks either, before it was finally installed on Friday. To be honest I didn't mind, as I was effectively working a full time job in sorting out tons of small things for the house, as well as buying furniture, food etc and getting in contact with people like electricians and plumbers to have a look over the place.

Poker-

However, now I feel that I am able to focus more on poker again, and this week the plan is to put in some hands and do some coaching as well. I'm excited to get back to the tables again after almost three weeks off, and I put in a short session tonight, which was fun- and even more fun because I had a profitable session in the process.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking whether or not I want to keep playing poker for the next year, or whether or not I should take a break from the game in order to reassess and see in which direction I want my career to head. But then other days I am excited to get back on the grind (like today) and I enjoy both my study, and also sitting down at the tables and putting in some hands.

So I think that, realistically, I will just listen to myself and do what I fancy to do. There is no pressure to play, if I do not wish to then I'll work on the house, focus on social events (such as volunteering, joining clubs etc) or do some coaching.

As I alluded to in a previous post, I want to sit down at the tables and have fun and enjoy myself, to play with a freedom and be appreciative of being able to play this amazing game for a living. I don't want to sit down at the tables and feel obligated to play, and to simply count down the number of hands until I can end my session and start watching Youtube or something.

Anyways, September was a big month for me in my life so far, because I turned thirty, moved in to my first house (that I managed to buy from my poker winnings) and also celebrated ten years of playing poker professionally. When I started out playing tournaments during the Summer of 2013, my goal was to simply make enough money so that I didn't have to work a shitty Summer job. The year before I was selling berries on a stall, which was incredibly boring, and the Summer before I was working at an old folks home as a cleaner- which was actually more fun tbh cos the old people were (mostly) pretty cool, and it was different each and every day.

It's crazy how fast time passes. When we see old people, it's easy to think that they have always been this way- old. However, they were just like us at one point in their lives. They were teenagers, they were in their twenties, and they turned thirty, then forty, then fifty and so on. Time passes slowly, but also quickly at the same time. Even though sometimes a minute can seem like an eternity, other times a year can pass in the blink of an eye.

So here I am, ten years down the line in my poker career. I highly doubt I'll be doing this in another ten years, but it's been a great ride so far. I'm gonna stick with $500nl-$2knl for the rest of the year, (hopefully) build up the roll a bit again, and then have a crack again next year at $5k and $10k. For now it would be too reckless to play these stakes, as I've just spent a big chunk of my net worth on the house, and it still has a ton of work to be done on it as well.

It's fine though, there's no rush. I just want to enjoy my poker and see what happens. Once it stops becoming fun and feels like a chore, then I know for certain that it's time to do something new. I don't care about making money just for the sake of it, I want to enjoy my daily life and make the most of it, because next thing you know, I'll be that pensioner too.

GG.

Weird hand during tonight session

celebrated ten years of playing poker professionally

Congrats!

I will, inevitably, wake up to a (mostly) deflated mattress

Would look into just buying a memory foam pad for a couple hundred bucks that you can roll up if you want.

Getting muddy

Life-

When I decided to move to Inverness, I done so with the knowledge that I would know literally nobody up here. In the past this would have terrified me, but instead I relished the challenge that it would bring. Now I am literally forced to go out and meet people, otherwise I will spend the bulk of my daily life alone, when friends or family aren't up for a visit.

When we go on to Netflix or Amazon Prime, we often get stifled by the sheer number of movie choices on offer, and end up becoming overwhelmed, before giving up and going back on Instagram or Youtube. However, when we fancy a trip to the cinema and only have a couple of movie choices to select from, we are able to make this decision much, much easier- and we tend to be happy with the selection afterwards as well.

More choices sounds good on the surface, but in reality us humans don't seem to be able to deal with an endless number of choices or options very well. We are much better when our options are limited.

It's the exact same dilemma on dating apps. It sounds insane that any person with ten thousand matches is unable to find a suitable partner, but this is what happens when we have too many choices- we aren't content and want to keep looking for something better.

Basically this is a long winded way to say that I wanted to limit my social options, which would, in turn, force me to get outside of my comfort zone and try new things and meet new people. Limited options lead to much simpler decisions. By taking away friends and family (for the most part), then I am simply forced to try out new things and get out of my comfort zone. This will lead me to, in the process, improve my social skills, become more confident and be more willing to take risks in the future in other areas of my life.

Which brings me to the title of this post. So far I have signed up for some weekly yoga classes (I do a different one each week, to see what I prefer) as well as volunteering at an animal reserve in the Cairngorm Mountains. I am also going to join a gym in the next couple of days too, and get back in to weight training again.

The volunteering is outdoors, in amazing scenery. It is essentially just free manual labour, but there is something strangely satisfying about it. As much as I love poker (and the mental stimulation that it produces) it doesn't feel natural to sit in front of a computer screen. Where as picking up some rocks, cutting down a tree, pulling out some weeds etc, does- especially in a very relaxing outdoor environment.

There is something strangely satisfying about trudging through a muddy puddle, carrying some rocks, and watching as the splash covers your trousers in mud. There is tangible evidence on your trousers of a days work.

It kind of reminds me of when I was a kid. I would play football (I was a goalkeeper) and of course I would dive around a lot, trying to stop as many shots as possible. After the game you would get out of your muddy clothes, throw them in a washing machine, and then wash your muddy knees while you were in the shower.

Even if you lost, you still felt good. You had got outside, you had worked hard, you had done the dirty work, and you had tried your best to win.

You dust yourself down, and you go again the next week.

When I'm sitting around the house grinding poker, I can wear the same joggers for a week, and they still look like they've just been put on and are freshly clean.

Anyways, perhaps I'm just losing the plot for writing a post about getting some mud on your trousers, but for some reason, recently, I've felt an odd sense of satisfaction walking through those muddy puddles, seeing the dirty water splashing on to my trousers, and then tossing those trousers straight in to the wash basket when I got home- to then enjoy a nice, warm shower after my day of free, manual labour :P

Poker-

I got back in to both coaching, and playing last week. At the beginning of the week I was feeling a little anxious before any session (or any potential session) which I think was simply a result of having too many other things on my mind that I needed to get done. However, as the week wore on, this faded, and I was going in to each session excited to play.

That is my main (poker) goal for the rest of this year- to enjoy myself while playing. Whenever you sit down for a session, there are so many different variables that will have a big impact o the way that you play. For example, before yesterdays session I got in to some stupid debate on Youtube. This meant that I went in to the session with a bit of a negative and distracted mindset, which is never a good idea if you are aiming to play your A game.

Fortunately, I was able to detach from these emotions, and then reset to baseline pretty quickly in to the session. However, it's still a bad idea to go in to a session with negative thoughts or feelings- cos they are almost certainly going to cost you some amount of money.

Of course there are many other factors that could cause you to play worse as well- did you get a good sleep? Have you been studying enough recently? Did you warm up your brain/mind before the session? Have you been exercising? Have you been eating healthy food? Have you been drinking alcohol, or feel hungover? Did you replace your dodgy internet with a more reliable provider?

We have to control all of these small things, as much as is possible, so that we maximise the probability of reaching our A game whenever we sit down at the tables.

I didn't follow my own guidelines. I got in to a stupid, minus EV, debate on Youtube that doesn't really serve any purpose other than to cost me plenty time, and mental energy.

So even though I had another good, profitable session (and played well in game), I have to be better. Even if we have a winning session, or even if we play well during a session, that's not a green flag that we have done everything within our power to play our best game.

Fail to prepare, and prepare to fail.

Oh, and don't get in to stupid online debates with someone that you don't even know.

I've only played three, relatively short sessions since I got back on the grind, but fortunately I've ran very hot so far and I'm up a decent amount of money. I wanted to play tournaments on Sunday, but as I had to get up at 7:30am on Monday morning, I felt that this wasn't a very good idea. So I ended up just playing cash instead.

I'm still trying to figure out whether $1k on GG is even beatable pre rakeback. I got on to a soft table with a pretty big whale yesterday (who 4bet me hj vs btn at 100bb for 3x with T9o and then open jammed Q8xss) and so a game with a player like that in it should be +EV, but what if it's just a regular fish? Is 5bb/100 rake (for all six players) beatable? It means some fish has to be losing 30bb/100, just for us to break even- assuming that all players are of equal skill, which of course we are not. This doesn't factor in rakeback either, but I still think that it's important to think of games in this way in order to minimise the chances that we are grinding in games where, effectively, only the house is winning.

Anyways I think I'm kinda rambling at this point. I'm only operating on 4.5 hours sleep (as I was up early this morning) but hopefully most of my points still made some sense.

GG.

Induce the punt

Questionable T jam

Introspection- listening to the thoughts and feelings from within

Life-

My pre-determined days off of poker, coaching etc are Mondays and Saturdays. Mondays are used to catch up on lots of small things that are not big priorities, so that I can free up mental energy and focus on the more important tasks and goals for the remainder of the week. On Saturdays anything goes. Sometimes I just want to do nothing else except from lie around and watch sports all day, and others I organise something more social or productive. But either way, these are guilt free days where I will not feel unproductive if I choose to avoid leaving the house.

Obviously at the moment I am not in a consistent poker routine, as I try to easy myself back in to one since the move. I am playing 2-3 times per week, but the goal is to get back up to 4-5 days per week in the next couple of weeks.

Last night I was supposed to be playing, as Fridays and Sundays are two of the more non negotiable days that I choose to grind, being the weekend and all that. However, I noticed that I was in a very poor mental and emotional state- so I chose to be introspective and seek the best way to resolve these inner issues, while also accepting that I was in no fit state to be playing that evening.

Meditation, for me, has been a massive life changer. Obviously I still have a lot of room for improvement in this area, but it has enable me to start to become very introspective (which poker has also helped with) especially within my body.

For example, when you are in a bad mood, 9/10 times there is a clear reason for this. The key is to be able to identify the root causes of these negative moods, and resolve or accept them.

So back to Sunday evening. My Gran was visiting for the weekend and so I had been out and about doing things with her. However, in the back of my mind, I had been slowly eaten away by a growing list of things that I had been procrastinating on.

I have noticed recently that I am a bit of a worrier. I think that in the past I was much more care free, but that perhaps with the 'responsibility' that I have taken on in the past year or so, in terms of buying a car, a house etc, that I now have more things to be concerned about. When you are renting a house or a flat, you don't have to worry about home insurance. You don't have to try to organise a plumber, an electrician, you don't have to redecorate, you don't have to buy a washing machine or a fridge, or a sofa or a bed (so long as it's furnished). You move in, you book some internet installation and you are pretty much good to go.

Similarly with a car, I basically never owned my own one until last Summer, and I didn't drive (in the UK) for around 7-8 years. So I didn't need to worry about my car passing it's MOT, or about changing my car insurance address, or about making sure the tyres are the correct pressure etc. If I wanted to go somewhere I would hop on a train, bus or book a flight, or perhaps tag along in a friends car.

Anyways, for some reason, these small things can often take up a lot of my mental storage- which kind of stops me from tackling the more important things, such as playing poker etc.

So, with that in mind, last night I decided to look within and figure out why, despite having a 'good day', my mind was all over the place and my mood was poor. For the past couple of weeks, I had left several (relatively important) emails and not responded to them. This procrastination had then spread in to other areas of my life- for example, I wasn't even able to select and order a toaster! I hadn't responded to messages either.

Procrastination, if you allow it, can completely engulf your life and leave you feeling completely anxious and overwhelmed. I was feeling overwhelmed simply because I had not responded to some emails, and then I had allowed this anxiety to boil over in to other areas of my life before it peaked on Sunday- when I was unable to sit down and grind due to a lack of focus and a poor mood.

Anyways, like 'eat that frog' says, you should always tackle your biggest 'frog' first- and it also highlights the importance of checklists to give you clarity and make things seem less overwhelming. So I wrote down a checklist of all the things that were on my mind that I had been putting off, or things that were destroying my ability to be happy, and then decided I would complete them all before I went to sleep.

It took me around two hours, but in the end, I finished the most important and pressing concerns. What happened next? The anxiety dissipated. I was able to enjoy the moment again, and today I am in a great mood.

Perhaps this post is a little similar to other posts that I have written, but I just wanted to share my experience cos I feel like it could be helpful for people that may sometimes struggle with similar feelings of procrastination, overwhelm etc.

If we try to be introspective and get to the bottom of our issues, then we are often the best doctors, psychologists etc in the world- cos we are the only person that truly knows ourselves. I also realised that I hadn't been taking my multi vitamin tablets for the past couple months, so I started to take them again too- which I think is very important at this time of year, as I won't get enough Vitamin D due to the lack of sunlight in the UK.

Today, as usual, was my day off. But tomorrow my Gran leaves and I have certain plans. I will be going to the gym (which I just joined last week) and then play poker in the evening. I am excited to play again, as I'm really enjoying the game at the moment.

Poker-

For some reason, I randomly started to watch old Sauce videos again. It's funny because even now, 2-3 years since his last videos, I am still able to pick up plenty things from either his commentary, or simply from his specific plays. I wanted to look at the game from a slightly different perspective, cos when I study, I always study in the same way- which I think is good, but also a little restrictive because I am not as open to new ideas or concepts as someone that studies or plays with a different approach.

My game is always about simplicity. I do not play a three sizing split on flops and turns, because imo no humans can get even close to mimicking solver outputs and thus we end up playing so much worse as a result. I would much rather play a 'simple' strategy very well, than a complicated one poorly.

Though in reality, literally no poker strategy is simple when we have 1755 flop textures, different positions, different pot sizes and stack sizes, different bet sizings, different turns and rivers and different opponents and player tendencies.

Poker is not a simple game, whether we use one size on every street, or five.

Obviously, as you get closer to high stakes and nosebleeds, then (some) regs may be able to play flop/turn splits fairly well and fairly balanced, but I still have strong suspicions that they are still pretty imbalanced. Perhaps that imbalance may be intentional (for example using one specific sizing for value, and one sizing more weighted towards bluffs) or it may be unintentional (cbetting too often for large sizings with strong combos, and too often for small sizings with weak combos).

However, Sauce chooses to take a very different approach to me (apart from the fact he is also very theoretical like me) and complicates the game tree as much as possible. He splits flop/turn sizings and has multiple river raise sizings for hands of a fairly similar strength. He plays pre flop calls from all positions (which I do not do) and he tries out different open sizings from various positions, or different 4bet sizings etc.

It's cool cos it forces me to think differently. Thinking differently leads to new ideas, new ways to put my opponents to the test and to improve my game. Neuroplasticity is quite amazing.

So i'm not saying that I am going to start taking Sauce's 'lets complicate the game tree as much as possible' approach, but perhaps I will start implementing some smaller, more subtle changes to my game that will test my opponents, increase my WR and help me to continue to move up in stakes.

Poker has been going well this month, despite only playing five or so sessions. I am on a little bit of a heater, so hopefully that continues. Like I said, I just want to keep focusing on enjoying playing and having fun when in game- and let the results take care of themselves!

Tomorrow, I get back on the grind!

GG.

Getting it in good

Don't fold pairs

Nobody believes me

The General and the Soldiers

Life-

It wouldn't be a Demondoink weekly RIO post without mentioning checklists, but I will try to keep that to a minimum and instead focus more on the analogy that Jocko Willink discusses in one of his (short form) podcasts- Standard directive 002.

He talks about splitting your brain in to two- the General, and the Soldiers.

The General gives the orders. The General comes up with the plans. The General creates the checklist(s) for your daily life.

The Soldier takes the orders. The Soldier carries those orders out. The Soldier executes the mission(s) assigned by the General. The Soldier completes the checklist.

I thought this was a pretty great analogy, and since hearing this, I feel like it's been much easier for me to sit down at the tables and avoid talking myself out of playing. It's easy to rationalise to yourself about why you shouldn't play, about why you should take a day off, and take the path of least resistance.

However, would the General accept your shitty, half assed excuse? Would he be so understanding when you say that you decided not to play cos you only got seven hours of sleep instead of eight? Or because you just wanna watch the football and chill instead of grinding?

When you look at these scenarios from the General/Soldier perspective, you realise that your mind is being weak. You realise that you wouldn't be able to knock on the Generals office and tell him your lame excuses for not doing the things that you told yourself you would do.

Do you want to let yourself, your General and your team down? Or do you want to step up, take responsibility and crush souls?

The only way we can do this is to execute the mission. So we better get down to it.

Poker-

My aim last week was to play 4-5 days, and continue easing myself back in to a regular poker schedule. Fortunately, I listened to Jocko's speech before last week, so I had this in mind throughout the week. It's funny, at no point did I start to talk myself out of playing, nor did I feel anxiety before starting my sessions. I think this is a combination of focusing more on enjoying myself during each session, of watching old Sauce videos (which has given me some new, creative ideas) and of taking accountability and responsibility for carrying out the mission- which was to sit down and play 4-5 sessions.

The only day that I didn't play (aside from the usual Monday/Saturday days off) was Thursday, and even then, I had the lobby open and I was going to play. However, the games were completely dead with no fish on seemingly any tables, so I didn't want to waste my time and instead vowed to increase my volume on the remaining sessions for the week.

I am sure the General would understand, after all, he wants to make money!

$500z has been running a lot recently, which is quite weird cos it has basically been dead for over a year now. It's lovely to sit down and be able to get in 500+ hands per hour again, by mixing regular tables alongside zoom ones. It's still easily my favourite game. I think I will always love $500z, having played not far off 1.2 million hands at that stake now.

Unfortunately $1k and $2k haven't been running quite as often, but I'm sure they will pick up again soon. It basically just depends what tables the fish joins, and whether or not there are a bunch of $1k/$2k regs online that are willing to battle (when there aren't fish on the tables).

I was planning on starting to play tournaments again on Sundays, but honestly, I'd rather just focus on putting in volume at cash games. Next year I want to shot take $5k and $10k again, so in the meantime, I am trying to build up a decent roll again, after the house purchase took a large chunk from it. I was in a call tonight with a poker friend (that I used to study with) and he questioned why I hadn't moved up yet- which is a good question.

My mind just comes up with excuses, but the reality is that my win rates are very high and I am more than good enough to beat higher stakes.

So I will keep trying to overcome this mental block. But hey, at least I tried to play some $10k this year- before getting beat down with 350 hands of negative variance and a failed 100bb bluff. So I am proud of myself in this sense. I just have to make sure I keep getting up after a beat down and I go again- not just drop back in to my comfort zone of $500nl-$2k.

I am gonna grind hard for the rest of the year at these stakes, then next year, I will try again!

The General is willing to concede this small battle, in order to win the war.

GG.

Fast play vs fish

Just two guys clicking buttons

Grinding- freedom from anxiety

A couple of months ago while in Barcelona for the EPT, I identified the need for a poker mental game coach. Everyone that I knew who was playing there was able to put in far longer sessions than me, and was able to be very consistent in terms of showing up every day and getting on the grind.

When we are playing online, if we take a day off, then we don't see others around us playing- so it's as if they are 'taking a day off' too. Similarly when we quit a session online, we don't see the same guys that were playing before us, still playing when we leave the tables.

However, when you are playing live you can physically see the faces of the guys that are still playing. Or you can go and talk to your poker friends/acquaintances and hear about how they have been there for twelve hours and are still playing, as you quit after your four hour session.

This highlighted a problem that I already knew was there, but that I hadn't properly attempted to rectify- I often got anxious before sessions, and would play when I really didn't feel like playing. Effectively 'forcing' myself to do so, and then not really enjoying playing, which would lead to me counting down the hands until the end of the session.

Even though I still loved the game, I didn't enjoy playing. This had to change, otherwise I would be no different than the person showing up every day to their 9-5 and counting down the minutes and seconds until they get off for the weekend and can finally enjoy their life again.

I recently read an Andy Murray biography (a British/Scottish tennis player for anyone that doesn't know him). During the first chapter I was so close to stopping reading the book, as it talked about his Mum a lot (which no offence, I couldn't care less about, as I bought the book to learn about him) but I read until the end of the chapter just in case, and I'm glad that I stuck with it as the rest of the book was really good.

In one chapter later on in the book, it talked about how Murray had hired Ivan Lendl to be his tennis coach, as he searched for his maiden Grand Slam victory. He had gotten to four (I think) Gran Slam finals, but had lost every one of them. Nobody had ever lost their fist five in a row. Clearly he had the talent to win one of these titles, but now it was becoming a mental game- and that is where talent suddenly becomes irrelevant.

When it's you in your own mind, then you can defeat yourself, no matter if you have all the talent in the world or not. However, you can also elevate and outperform your talent, if you have a mentality that is a strong and confident one.

Lendl, at one point, told Murray to go out and have fun while playing. Trying to win his elusive Gran Slam was weighing too heavily on his shoulders, and causing him to start to dislike the game and all the pressure and expectations that being Britain's sole hope in men's tennis inevitably brought.

In the process for World Class, Murray had forgotten why he started playing tennis in the first place- which was for the love of the game.

Anyways, he ended up winning his fifth final and avoiding that unwanted record of being the first man to lose their first five Grand Slam finals in a row. Then he went on to win another two Grand Slams, win two Olympic Gold medals and get to the top of the world rankings during the toughest era in the history of men's tennis.

People talk about how good Federer, Nadal and Djokovic were or are, but in 2016, Andy Murray was the best tennis player in the world. Before injuries scuppered his chances of adding to his tally of Grand Slams- which he inevitably would have.

This resonated with me. I was playing poker not for the enjoyment any more, but more so out of necessity. Just to make money and to pay bills.

So this is why recently I have been stressing to myself privately (and in this blog) to have fun and enjoy myself while playing. I felt like Andy Murray, struggling with mental barriers in the pursuit of his maiden Grand Slam victory (for me that's moving up to $5k/$10k+) and being my own worst enemy. It doesn't matter if you have the talent to win, if you don't have the mentality and, more importantly, the belief.

I have fallen back in love with poker again. I go in to each session excited to play, to put my opponents to the test, to run a big bluff, or make a big hero call, to trick my opponent in to misreading my range, to induce a spaz from my opponent, to exploit a reg or a fish, to put in a bunch of hands and then feel proud of myself for doing so.

Watching old Sauce videos is also reigniting this passion, as I watch a world class player adjusting to a pool that is far beneath his skill level- but one that still challenges him to think, to be creative and, when necessary, make some exploits.

Andy Murray is exactly the type of poker player that I strive to be. He fought for every point, he ate healthily and didn't drink alcohol, he was passionate, with a burning desire to win, he sought out every small edge that would give him an advantage on the court, but most of all- he gave his all.

Sure, the likes of Federer, Nadal and Djokovic may have all been more 'naturally' talented tennis players, but for that spell during 2016, he was king. He maximised his potential, and to me, there is nothing more admirable than that.

In a world where natural talent is so admired and praised, I prefer to admire those people that maxed out their talents, especially when those talents were 'inferior' to those that they eventually surpassed.

So you can drink your beer, eat your burger and smoke a joint, but remember, somewhere out there, there is someone that has less talent than you, but has more determination and will to succeed. They are reaching their maximum potential.

Are you happy with that?

Anyways, I have been pretty introspective about the anxieties I would experience before playing. Since focusing on having fun while playing, I have seen them slowly dissipate. I think there are other factors too (such as sorting out the bigger issues in my life, like finally buying a place to stay, then getting some of the issues with the house fixed etc), however the main issue was that I had unconsciously grown to dread playing cos my mind had started to associate playing with stress and discomfort.

I had stopped having fun.

I never did hire a mental game coach. Twice in the past I almost hired a poker coach, but subsequently, after contacting both coaches, I went on upswings. So I never got poker coaching. By admitting that I needed a mental game coach, I admitted that I had a problem. This then allowed me to become introspective and look within, to see if I could figure out a solution- which I believe I have.

Now, I still might hire one in the coming months/years (especially if I continue to have a mental block about moving up) but for now, there is no need. I am grinding $500nl-$2knl until the end of the year, and then (hopefully) shot take higher stakes at the beginning of next year.

This post has gotten pretty long, so I'll leave it at that. I've played the past three days (including tonight) and plan to play on Thursday and Friday too. This will be the first time in months that I've played five days in a row. In the past couple of nights when I've been quitting my session, it feels like kind of a punt cos the games have been really good. However, I can't expect perfection overnight. Showing up, and playing, consistently is my number one priority in poker right now. The volume and the increased hours will come in time.

GG.

I didn't believe him

400bb pot at 500z w A high

He tanked until the last few seconds- rip

Brilliant call with the A high. And very nice play by BTN with 88. Guess he put you on a RF or nothing. Still trying to figure out how you made that call :P

Oh, I meant the 88 hand on the 4 flush.
Yeah, I've strayed away from forums and similar stuff this past year and just dabble here and there from time to time. Have been going through the same issues as you with fear and anxiety which is holding me back from breaking into the stakes you are trying to break out of. I'm making progress though. Glad to see you are crushing as always. Cheers.

The six day work week

Life-

I think what I have is a fairly polarised life. In poker, I enjoy both the value betting aspect of the game, as well as the bluffing aspect. So polarising at the tables comes very naturally to me. However, polarising off the tables is a bit more of a recent thing.

What I mean in this regard, is that I will do one thing for a while, and then do the complete opposite afterwards (and enjoy both of them).

For example, two to three times a week I will walk to the gym and back (over thirty minutes each way). Do a workout, go to the sauna, steam room etc and then walk home again. After getting home I will make food and then get on the grind. That will come to around 13k steps, plus the workout etc.

Then the next day, I will probably not leave the house and will barely hit 3k steps. I will study, read and prepare for my session in the best way possible, then get on the grind in the evening as usual.

Both days I am playing poker, but one day I do almost no exercise whatsoever, and the other I do quite a lot.

In the past I used to go to the gym 4-5 days per week, but eventually I sick of it and stopped going for probably over a year, bar the odd session once a week or so. I've come to realise about myself that I really like different extremes. I love a sauna, but I also love having a cold shower (which reminds me that I need to start making them part of my daily routine again). I love walking (I choose to walk to and from the gym instead of driving), but then I can also happily not leave the house and barely do a couple thousand steps. I love travelling, staying in hostels and meeting new people, but I also love spending time alone, getting back in to a productive routine and playing poker. I love listening to upbeat, motivational music (trance/house etc) but then I also love to listen to relaxing, chilled out music- and recently I've even started listening to some classical music too!

In the past, I thought that I was one extreme or the other, but never both. I thought I was David Goggins, or Joe Rogan by going to the gym five times per week, hiking another day and then maybe having one day off per week. I thought I was a traveller, stuck in the country of his birth and yearning to move abroad to where the grass was inevitably greener. I thought I was a poker player, someone that loved to spend time on the computer, but never work with his hands doing something more physical or manual.

The reality is that I am someone who loves to exercise to stay fit and healthy, both in mind and body, but I am also someone that will happily lie around the house all day on a Saturday, not leave the house and watch sport all day- and not feel guilty (any longer) in the slightest. I am someone who loves to travel, but also someone that has discovered the beauty within the country of my birth- of Scotland. I am someone that still loves to play poker, but also someone that likes to rip up floorboards, pull out nails and use a drill.

One day the sauna makes me feel alive. Sitting there, trying to stay calm as sweat pours from my body and I try to last for another five minutes before I reward myself with a drink of water- which always tastes amazing when your body is crying out for hydration. Then another day, I will feel the adrenalin rush of the cold water as it (rather shockingly) brings my nice, warm shower to a nightmarish end. Thirty seconds to a minute of pain that will make you feel elation in the aftermath.

We do not have to be one thing or the other. We can be both.

We can be David Goggins one day, and Homer Simpson the next (minus the beer of course).

I think that by doing or partaking in both extremes, then we gain an appreciation of both in the process- thus becoming a more grateful, happier person in the process. If we live in a country where it's sunny every single day, then we start to take the good weather for granted. If we live in a country where it's cold all the time, then perhaps it would easy to start to lose hope and become disillusioned with life.

However, if we live in a country with four seasons, then we are appreciative of ALL of the seasons, and of the constantly changing weather conditions. It's amazing during the summer, when it's warm enough to sunbathe, and light enough to sit outside until after 10pm. Perhaps we will travel a lot during this period, do lots of social things and spend a lot of time outdoors.

Then when Winter arrives, and it gets dark at 4pm, we will now be grateful for all the free time that we now have on our calendars. The cold weather and the dark nights will lead us to spend more time indoors- which is great when we are trying to put in some hands, or when we are trying to study more so that we can improve.

It's fun to spend a month in hostels in the Summer, travelling around Europe, slapping on sun cream every day in an attempt at stopping my pasty Scottish skin from burning. But it's also fun to grind. To wake up every day with a determination to study, improve, to put my opponents to the test and (hopefully) make money in the process.

So now, unlike a year or two ago, I appreciate the time alone, living by myself. I appreciate the cold weather and the darkness in the early evening. Now I have time to grind. To get in the lab. To improve. The Summer will arrive, and I will really enjoy that too (especially as I'm going to the Euros in Germany) but that can wait.

Today is my day off, but tomorrow I will walk to the gym, do a workout, hit the sauna and then walk home, eat some food and then hit the tables. I am already excited to play!

Poker-

Last week was, almost certainly, the first time since SCOOP earlier this year that I've played six days in a week. My friend was over for the weekend last weekend, so I ended up sacrificing my typical Monday day off, and instead got on the grind. I played Monday-Friday at cash games, went to see a friend on Saturday (and to pick up a sink from him too) before heading back on Sunday and playing tournaments.

On Saturday night, as I tried to get to sleep at a reasonable hour, I started to watch Pads' recent Youtube video (which was posted on the RIO channel) about 'never missing a Sunday' and it really inspired me. I wrote on my board, and even highlighted in this thread earlier this year, that I wanted to play more tournaments. However, I have barely played any since SCOOP ended in May, bar the odd random session. I didn't play WCOOP as I was moving, or in the process of moving, so I simply did not have time.

Something about that video just really resonated with me, and inspired me to shelve any cash games on Sunday (I didn't need to play them anyways as I'd already played five sessions that week) and play some tournaments. He talked about shot taking more aggressively through selling pieces etc (which I practically never do), about preparing for your session from the Monday before, about getting in enough food etc for your session, as well as highlighting which tournaments were good to play in terms of ROI, and which weren't- fortunately I was already avoiding most of the tournaments that he suggested weren't worth playing, such as turbo PKO's etc.

Anyway, I went deep in one or two tournaments, but ultimately lost around $1k or so. I was very happy with how I played at cash during the week, but still ended up losing there too. Sometimes poker is fucked up. There are very few professions where we do a job well, but end up with less money than we started with. Unfortunately for our sanity, poker is one of them. However, without variance we are chess- and there's no money in that (unless you are a streamer or something alongside your chess playing). When that fish binks the two outer on the river and then insta quits the table, we can feel cheated. We can feel like, in that moment, life isn't fair.

No, it isn't. But this 'lack of fairness' is what makes poker profitable. Fairness means the fish wins 0/100 games against Roger Federer at tennis, before realising he is wasting his time and doesn't bother showing up at the courts any longer.

That two outer was necessary. Your run bad was necessary. It keeps the game profitable. It provides you with an income, it allows you to pay the rent and the bills and to continue to work whenever, and wherever we want.

So, even though it's tough sometimes, let's just focus on playing well and smile through the shitty variance. After all, without it, we wouldn't be on this training site, watching videos or reading a random Scottish guy talking about how he is happy that its dark at 4pm.

GG.

GTO call downs

He knew the two pair was coming

Just two guys repping quads

Downswing's

Poker is the easiest game in the world when we are winning. We sit down, load up some tables and go in to each session with the expectation that we are going to have more money come the end of the session, than when we started it. It's fun to see a big river bluff getting through. It feels nice to get paid with a thin value bet. It's enjoyable to stack a fish. You feel a sense of pride when people refuse to play you short handed, or quit the table when you sit down. Your study seems to pay off. You aren't punting or making big mistakes. Away from the tables, life feels easy. You don't have to worry about the stresses of losing. You don't have to worry about money to pay the rent, to pay your bills or to go on holiday. You have a fat bankroll and know that it's only a matter of time before high stakes opens it's legs wide and beckons you to come in.

But oh wait, something is up. You sit down, and you have a losing session? What is this? You have just had fifteen winning sessions in a row. You thought that your 15bb/100 win rate was sustainable, and you briefly thought about changing your Pokerstars screenname to 'OTB Redbaron on Roids'. You felt invincible. You had forgotten what it feels like to lose. But no matter, it's only a blip in the road. A fleeting loss. Nothing that will sustain for more than a session.

You sit down to play the following day, fully expecting to get back to spanking regs and stacking fish. You find (what you think) to be a nice river bluff. You know that it's +EV. You know that not all of your fellow regs would find this bluff, and as a result, you are gaining a small amount of EV over them. But you get snap called. Your world comes crashing down. Maybe it would be better to also avoid finding the river bluff, and save yourself 75bb that you just bluff shoved? It's okay, cos on the other table you have bottom set and are fake tanking on the river, in the hope of deceiving your opponent in to calling you light. After thirty seconds of tanking that neither you, nor your opponent will ever get back, you go all in. snap call

Relief floods through your body as you let out a small smile. You have just won back the buy in that you just lost with your bluff on the other table. Oh well, nothing gained, nothing lost! Wait...what?

The chips slide over to your opponent. You double check the screen, to see if there is something wrong. A bug perhaps. Maybe that alcohol free beer that you just downed was actually an alcoholic one. After rubbing your eyes you see that he had second bottom set. WHAT THE FUCK? This is probably the only hand in his range that you lose to. He could call you with any top pair, he could look you up with second pair, or might have even slow played two pair or aces. But no, he has a set slightly better than yours. That buy in that you thought you were about to win back, is also gone in to oblivion, never to be seen again. You know that sometimes your bluff will get called, but losing with a set on a rainbow board? That just seems unfair. Has the universe suddenly reared it's ugly head and decided that you are the unluckiest player to have ever graced the virtual felt?

You keep playing on. Again, another good bluffing opportunity. Slightly scarred by the two stacks you have already lost, you hesitate for a moment. The irrational part of your brain that is more concerned about preservation screams out for you to give up. To 'save' those 75bb, and wait for a value bet instead. But wait. How did that work out the last time? You just went all in with a value bet, and still lost. Your hand had 98% equity, yet you still witnessed 200bb sliding over to your opponent. You shake off these thoughts, and pull the trigger.

SNAP CALL

Fuck sake. Not again. Your opponent has third pair. WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING? THAT HAND IS A PURE FOLD!!

You just found a great bluff. You randomised flop/turn and river in an attempt to control your frequencies and stop your opponents from knowing your tendencies, and being able to exploit you. So why did he just snap call me with third pair? You should have just won the pot, he had a hand that should call 0% of the time on the river in solver land, but he chose to call. He, unfortunately for you, ran in to your bluffing region, not your value betting region. Three stacks down the drain, and the heir of invincibility is slowly dissipating as quickly as your opponent snap called you on the river with third pair.

The rest of the session becomes a blur. You don't even win one buy in. You continue to get stacked. Every bluff gets called. Every value bet loses to a better hand. Every time you have the nuts, your opponent insta folds. You check Pokertracker at the end of the session- you have lost ten buy ins.

Okay it's fine, you are still winning at 12bb/100 in your 50k hand sample. You are still an end boss, this was just a bad session. A one off.

But no, it sustains. For the rest of the week you get annihilated. It feels like your opponents can see your cards. It feels like Stars is set up to be rigged against you. Even fish now seem like Linus Loeliger as they barrel you out of the pot, or catch your bluff on the river.

You feel utterly defeated. Your confidence in your game is shattered. Are you even a winning player? Has everyone suddenly sussed out your game, or perhaps you have just become a terrible player? You get up later and later each day. You lose motivation to play poker, vowing that you are 'saving' money by taking another day off. Suddenly study becomes less appealing. What's the point? You just get destroyed each time you sit down. It's all pointless. Maybe you should just cut your losses and do something else.

You wake up one morning, and decide to start the day right. You start off with a meditation, to clear your mind. Your head has been spinning from the constant losing. You have counted how many cars you could have bought with that money. How many countries you could have visited. How many entries to the WSOP Main Event that you could have fired. It matters not. That money is sitting in the accounts of some random guy from Belarus that you hadn't even heard of until last month.

FOCUS!

You bring your attention back to the present moment as you take in a deep breath. After your meditation, you get out of bed. You no longer lay there for hours, watching Youtube. You get up, wash the dishes and tidy the house. Then you go on your computer. You start looking through the several hundred hands that you have tagged over the past month, and start working through them. The hours fly by as you are engrossed in the solver, and relive the emotions of the hands as you replay them in PT4. It turns out, that most of them were played pretty well. You found some nice bluffs, you went for thin value in good spots, you over called fish when their frequencies were very likely to be out of whack.

You go in to the next session with a new found resolve. You have become battle hardened. You get stacked again, almost instantaneously. A small, ironic smile spreads across your lips. This has stopped being a game of poker, this is now a game of mental toughness.

This isn't poker any longer, this is war.

2023 wrap up- be proud of yourself

Often we are our own worst enemies. The way we talk to ourselves is so much more harsh than the way we would talk to anyone else- whether that be a friend, family member or a complete stranger whom we just met. If we make a bad call, a bad bluff or play while we are in the incorrect headspace, we lash out internally.

Why did you just call off second pair on the river against the biggest
nit on Pokerstars? Why did you just bluff a Brazilian on the river
with a 20% fold to river bet? Why did you play tonight after your
sports team lost, and you were clearly frustrated about the result?
Why, why, why?

Our studies are one thing, but once we get in to the heat of the battle, we need to problem solve. Perhaps following a GTO calling frequency on the river against Mr 45 WWSF isn't such a good idea after all. Perhaps trying to bluff a player that is less willing to fold than a fish with top pair, isn't such a good idea either. Perhaps sitting down to grind when we are in a bad mood is simply a result of poor discipline.

One thing that I have noticed is that this year, as my theoretical game has grown stronger, my exploitative one has gotten much weaker. A few years ago, when I was grinding 500z almost exclusively, I was finding a much better balance- albeit I was playing against weaker, more imbalanced players than I do at regular tables nowadays of $1k, and especially $2k. I was adjusting, and problem solving, much better in game. At the moment I am being too rigged in my approach, without taking in to account my opponents tendencies as much as I should be. Even though, from a theoretical perspective, my game is much better just now.

Ultimately people have to earn your calls. If you continue to pay off a nit, and keep complaining when you get shown the nuts, then it's simply a result of them not bluffing enough- and it's your fault for paying them off.

So essentially we can say 'fuck you, I'm not paying you off again until you grow a pair of balls and start bluffing for once in your life'. Then the next time that they arrive otr with a set and value bet for the 99th time in a row, then you can snap fold your top pair and laugh at the 60bb you just saved otr in a spot where you should have lost your entire stack.

This is what I struggle with, however. I have been focusing too much on theory, on finding the correct bluffs, the threshold call down combos etc and on making sure that my bluffing/calling frequencies are roughly in line with optimal. However, I am playing against many players, especially at lower stakes, that are just playing their hands. They bet big with a flush and bet small, or give up their air. They find the triple barrel for value, but rarely with a bluff.

Just like the player that never folds against you on the river cos he seen you bluffing a few times and now wills to station you until the grave. It makes just as much sense to attempt to bluff these sorts of players than it does to call down the nit on the river. But the problem is that our mind often projects our own tendencies on to our opponents, and then rationalises making a certain play.

'Well I know here he is supposed to bluff with low pocket pairs, so he could find those combos'.

Meanwhile your opponent is four tabling zoom and just snap folds all his low pairs on the flop, without thinking twice. Now he has almost none of the combos on the river that PIO would find, and your call down quickly becomes a torch.

Anyways, that is one thing that I want to work on going forward. I think that the best players in the world have a very strong theoretical understanding/framework of the game, but are also very good at exploitation and counter exploitation. So being good at one or the other isn't enough, if you want to have the highest possible WR and, especially, if you want to move up to the highest stakes.

The 'good' thing about this downswing is that it has forced me to be more introspective, and start focusing on different areas of my game that I have been procrastinating on for a while. There are literally so many ways that we can improve, that it often becomes overwhelming and then we just end up sticking to our usually daily, study routine, and never get around to studying that 4bet pot, utg vs the bb, or the SRP pot where we xr the flop and x on the turn.

Even with things like our setup, we should be looking at where we could improve, and perhaps gain a slight edge there. I realised that this year I had spent almost no money on poker. I hadn't got any coaching, I hadn't bought any courses, I hadn't signed up to GTO Wizard and I hadn't bought a new keyboard that I smashed in to oblivion at some point last year. I would have to slightly contort my spine in order to type out a RIO post on my laptop (which was off to the side of my monitor).

So i bought a new keyboard. I bought a new headset for coaching (cos i'd been using my laptop mic for some reason). I bought a laptop stand so that I could get the laptop screen in line with my monitor and use it as a second screen- which is especially important for MTT's when I have 12+ tables on the go. I bought Pads MTT course, so that I could work on my MTT game and get in pursuit of my first six figure score. I bought a subscription to GTO wizard, so that I can use that alongside my own sims, in order to better optimise my study process. I bought a notepad and started taking physical notes whenever I study. I contacted some friends about renewing our weekly study sessions together. I contacted an old friend about helping me to study more with the data/spreadsheet/stats aspect of the game, that I am much less of an expert in. I started running more pre flop sims, and started using the node lock feature on PIO again.

Ultimately, the recent results haven't changed, but that's not a problem. Pads said a great quote during one of his videos that was something along the lines of this;

The game is about making money, not controlling variance

So when we shot take that higher stakes game and get beatdown, we are heading in the right direction. When we make a good play and get snap called by the nuts, it's not an issue. When we make a mistake at the tables, then it's okay- it's an opportunity to review, refine our thought process and then avoid making the same mistake ever again.

So did i want this downswing to happen? Of course not. I would rather avoid the stresses and strains that losing money inevitably entails. However, without it, then I would have continued in the same path. Continued to avoid moving up, to remain in the comfort zone. Continued to put off studying MTT's, yet kept questioning why I wasn't getting any big wins. Continued to overlook studying certain spots, yet wonder why I would be lost in game as to what my strategy was supposed to be. Continue to pay off nits and wonder why they never had a bluff.

Ultimately, I am proud of myself. This profession is, quite often, hard as fuck. We can study for hours per day, sit down, grind for twelve hours and lose $10k. Then get up again the next day, study, and get fucked all over again. However, we should all remember that there is only a very small subset of society that would have the mental resolve to be able to do this job for a living. The average person needs a tangible reward for working their eight hour day. A couple hundred dollars might do the trick. They couldn't handle working that eight hour shift, then check their bank account and see that they have half the money that they had before they went to work this morning.

So we might make mistakes at the table, but that's okay. We are all just trying to get better. Be proud of yourself that you have got this far- and you can still get much further, but the rest is up to you. We all experience the same negative (and positive) variance over time, but the ones that get to the top, and have the highest WR's etc, are the ones that can accept this variance and battle through regardless. They see a good play as a good play, not 100bb wasted on the river as their bluff gets called. They see a thin value bet as a slightly higher EV option, instead of a punt that just got called by a better hand.

This will be my last post of the year, as I am going to Tenerife on Saturday for a week and then will be spending time with my family over Christmas. In terms of results, it's been a disappointing year, but I know that my game is stronger than I started this year- which is all that I can control. I still have so much improvement that I can make, and I am determined to leave no stone unturned in this pursuit. Now I have a house etc, I have no financial obligations or reasons to be nitty any longer. I will give it my best shot, and hopefully be at some of the highest stakes within the next year or two. If not, then at least I tried my best. And for that, I am proud of myself.

GG, and I hope you have a Merry Christmas and a happy New Year!

Motivation- mini update

Motivation is a funny thing. Sometimes we have it one day, then the next day it's gone. In the past week or two I have had a couple things floating around my mind, about high stakes players.

1- I remember my friend telling me a few years ago that Linus got to high stakes using one flop cbet sizing only (33%).

To me this highlighted the relative unimportance of a flop cbet sizing, and instead the importance of playing the subsequent streets properly.

You can gain a little EV on the flop by using a more optimal cbet sizing, but you can gain or lose a ton of EV on the turn and river by playing your overall range well or poorly.

Perhaps this anecdote wasn't true, who knows, but either way I really liked this idea.

2- Ja Sam Gale locked himself in a room (so to speak), studying 3bet pots, before propelling himself from 500z up to high stakes in a relatively short space of time.

I was in a call with a friend a few years ago, and he knows someone that is friends with Ja Sam Gale. Apparently that guy told him that he just decided to study the shit out of 3bet pots, in an attempt to get a really solid understanding of how to play them- so that he could move up to high stakes.

Clearly it worked. There is something romantic in my mind about someone just grinding alone in their office, putting in the hours in order to get better, before reaping the rewards.

3- OTB Redbaron's 500z threads on 2+2.

While I am on holiday in Tenerife, I plan on reading his old 500z thread(s). Of course I have read them before, but I think that every few years it's probably a good idea to go back and read them for inspiration etc.

The guy was, and is an online poker legend. I had the fortune of playing some hands of 500z with him from time to time- though it seems like he stacked me a couple times more than I stacked him!

Anyways, I just thought I would share these thoughts. I will do a proper 2023 summary post in a couple weeks (discussing my original goals etc for the year). I will also link some old hands against OTB, where one of us got stacked. The first hand is from 2019, the others from 2021.

Enjoy!

Coolered vs the goat

I like my bluff- iirc he tanked for a while otr, even though his hand is a pure call

Standard hand

I remember really liking his bluff at the time, especially as he found a bluff after using the large cbet

Didnt fully finish reading but loved the first post. I can relate to it quite a bit this year :).

Haha thr 1) about Linus reminded me of: Chuck Norris once won a Pokertournament - with Pokemoncards ;)).

The law of attraction

I felt like there was something missing in my life. Some people are very hardline Atheists, and other people are extremely religious. I would not classify myself as either, so I guess in that sense I am agnostic.

Being a poker player, most of my decisions tend to be very logic based. However, this also has it's drawbacks. Sometimes logic can lead us to having a lack of belief in things out with our control. When you hear religious people talking about certain things, it's like they expect them to happen because of the extreme confidence in their religion. If you take a more logical approach, then perhaps this pessimism halts this manifestation process and thus stops you believing in the more spiritual aspect of the world and of the universe.

Perhaps a mind that is too logical, slowly erodes the beauty, and all of the opportunities that surround us in each and every day that we live. We don't see the sun shining as a sign from someone above that we are in luck, we just see it as good weather. We don't see a loved one getting cured by a doctor as a miracle, we just see it as a doctor doing his/her job. We don't see a 5% river card hitting in our favour as gift from the poker gods, but merely a result of variance finally falling in our favour.

When we enter in to each day with a logical mind, we allow the brains natural negativity bias to take control. We ignore the good things that happen around us, and instead fixate on the negatives- the time we lost with AA vs KK, when that driver cut us off in traffic, when our friend didn't respond in a timely manner or when the tradesmen didn't bother showing up to complete the job on your home. However, I don't really want to live life like this.

Meditation has helped me to a certain extent, but I think that it can only do so much. It has helped me to clear my mind, and to think less (including thinking less negative/destructive thoughts) but despite this, I think most of our default thoughts/feelings etc still linger unchanged in the background. This is why I decided to read the law of attraction, in the hopes that it could help guide me towards a more spiritual, positive perspective in my daily life. PIO solver and meditation can only take you so far imo.

In my experience, religious people tend to be happier and more optimistic. I think their faith allows them to appreciate each day, and avoid taking it for granted. But they also know that they must behave in a good manner so that they can reap the positive rewards in the afterlife.

Anyways, I'm not saying I am going to start being religious, but I can certainly appreciate the benefits of it.

The book highlights four areas of your life that you may be interested in improving;

1. Relationships
2. Health
3. Money
4. Career

From my own perspective, health, money and career are all going well and i'm pretty happy and content in all of those areas. I feel pretty healthy, regularly exercise, eat healthily and don't drink alcohol. I've been able to save up to buy a flat and overall I feel like i'm in a good financial position at my age in life. I love poker and while I fully acknowledge it's not something that I will be doing in the long term, it's something that I am still happy to be doing in the short term (at the very least) and probably the mid term too.

Relationships, however, is the clear area of weakness. I have some close friends, and some friends in the poker community (though I'd classify most of them as acquaintances tbh as I don't think you can really be proper 'friends' with someone if most of your relationship is online). I am also quite close to my family, but I do not have a girlfriend and have not made friends in my new city (yet).

I have not put a whole lot of effort in to dating in recent years, and I still think I harbor some self sabotaging thoughts in the back of my mind (despite the mediation etc). Similarly with meeting new people and making (non poker) friends, I have not made enough effort to be around new people and join new clubs, sporting activities, volunteering etc.

So in the coming year, I will focus more of my attention on these two aspects. Sometimes I oscillate between wanting a relationship and not, but ultimately I think I need to give it more of a shot and see what happens. Making more friends in my new area is non negotiable though, even though I do like spending lots of time by myself too.

Sometimes all it takes is a simple list like this, highlighting four different areas of our life to make us sit up and take notice of where we are leaking. We might be the best poker player in the world, but are we even living a fulfilling life? What happens if we have no friends, family or partner to share this amazing achievement with? Conversely, we might have an amazing social life, but a very unfulfilling career. Perhaps we are doing a job that we hate and just scroll through these poker forums in the evenings, or perhaps we are struggling at low stakes and hoping to move up the stakes in the coming years.

Either way, there will always be something we can improve upon. Humans will never be happy all the time, but I think that if we can get all four of these pillars of our life up to at least a level of 'good' then there is no reason why we should not be happy in our daily lives most of the time.

Health wise, ideally I would like to put on a little more weight and build a bit more muscle, but I think that achieving either (or both) of these things would have very little to no impact on my daily happiness.

Money wise, ideally I would like to save up to buy another flat in a different city, but again this would have very little positive impact in my daily life.

Career wise, ideally I would like to move up and play more $5k/$10k next year (and stay there), but again, achieving this would have very little positive impact in my daily happiness.

Relationships wise, I think that finding some good friends in and around Inverness would bring me a much better balance in my weekly life- so that I can focus on the poker grind, but also do fun things with them in my time off. I also think that, if i am to find the right partner, having a girlfriend could also have a very positive impact in my daily/weekly life.

So next year I will be focusing more on my relationships with other people- whether that be friends, family or a potential partner. I will also be focusing more on experiences- whether that be travel, exercise, sporting events or trying something new. Or perhaps even more live poker, who knows!

One thing that I do really like in the law of attraction book is how the author talks about peoples vibrations. We want to spend time with people that are similar to our vibration, and if we aren't happy with the quality of people that we frequently spend time with (or date etc) then we have to increase our vibration. So if I want to spend time with great, positive and kind people, then I have to raise my vibration and make sure that I am mimicking these qualities as a person.

It also kind of clarified some thoughts I had about why I sometimes 'disliked' certain people upon meeting them for the first time- and of course why sometimes you just really like someone upon meeting them for the first time. The former doesn't meet your vibration (so is perhaps quite negative/pessimistic) and the latter is similar to, or matches your vibration- so is perhaps more positive/uplifting/determined etc.

Of course I am not saying I am the most positive person in the world and someone devoid of flaws, I am just saying that I strive to be positive, encouraging and kind. So I really appreciate these qualities in other people.

Anyways there were other things in the book I found interesting, but this post is already long enough so I'll leave it at that. This post isn't very poker related (so I apologise for that) but it was just on my mind as I read the book twice while i was in Tenerife (including taking notes etc). My next post will be my last one for the year and for the thread- so it will definitely be poker related!

GG.

Mini update- grindin'

Tonight I felt drained. I think that when I take a break for a couple of weeks and then put in one or two long sessions upon my return, it takes a lot out of me mentally/physically. So tonight I sat down at the computer at the allotted time I was due to start my grind, and felt like it was best to not play.

However, was I simply taking the easy option? Would my 'tiredness' actually negatively impact my game? Well, there was only one way to find out!

I sat down and loaded up some tables, then proceeded to play the best I have in a while- finding some really nice bluffs etc and thinking through my decisions in a much more focused and methodical manner.

Fortunately I was rewarded with a profitable session, too.

David Goggin's says that when we feel like throwing in the towel, we are only 40% done. Of course in poker, there is a fine line between playing when tired (which could cost you money) and playing when in a tired state (perhaps due to other factors, not a lack of sleep), but one where you feel like you are still capable of playing well.

Anyways, post session I feel almost elated, like I am on a high. I just want to enjoy this game, have fun and see what happens. We got in to poker cos we loved this game, so lets not turn it in to a job like everyone else does with their work!

GG.

value bet or bluff?

2023- a (proper) wrap-up

At the start of every year we set goals, and usually we do not achieve them. We might set one or two goals, or we might set ten or more goals (or perhaps something in between). Either way, this goal setting process is quite important imo. When we outline our intentions, either on paper, to friends/family or on an online blog, then we have clarity. We have begun the first step in the process of success. This 'success' could be monetary, or it could be something less measurable- relationships, experiences, memories etc.

Either way, the goal setting process is simply an acknowledgment that our lives are imperfect, that we have growth to make, that we want to have a purpose and direction in our daily/weekly/monthly lives. Without goals then what are we? We are directionless. We are living from paycheck to paycheck, and will likely remain a slave to money for the rest of our lives. Money will always be a problem, for we are not willing to make the short term sacrifices that will give us financial freedom in the medium to long term.

Of course there is always a balance to be had. We do not want to be so career focused as to miss out on the beauty of daily life, but we also do not want to be so impulsive as to be a slave to the moment. Being present in the moment is what I strive for, being a slave to the moment (without any consideration for my future self) is not something that I wish to do.

Perhaps we do not set goals with the sole intention to achieve them and to tick them off (even though that's what we think we want), perhaps we set these goals for the journey, to enjoy the process and to have a purpose. If life was merely a box ticking exercise then it would be pretty dull.

Anyways, this is not some preamble to justify not achieving my goals this year, but more so a recognition that if you 'fail' to achieve the goals that you set for yourself in 2023, then you are not a failure- quite the opposite. You are a success! And if you reached your goals, then you are also a success!

So I will discuss my three goals that I set out at the start of the thread, what went right, what went wrong and where I can improve going forward.

1. Treat the game like a full time profession. Fail

Unfortunately I ended up getting wrapped up in house hunting this year. When I started looking for a flat in late November/early December 2022, I thought that I would find one within a few months- wrong! It took me around ten months to find (and move in to) one. This was a huge drain on my focus, time and energy. Glasgow (where I done the bulk of the viewings) takes 1.5 hours each way to drive to, Skye (where I done one viewing) took 5-6 hours, and Inverness was around 3 hours. Then you often have viewings split up over several days, so then have to stay away in that area (I would tend to stay with my Gran, who doesn't even have internet). Most of your mental energy ends up going towards contacting estate agents, booking viewings, reading home reports, contacting your solicitor, arranging another viewing, and so on.

The house I moved in to also has a ton of work to do, and I didn't have internet for a couple weeks after moving in. The boiler is currently broken too lol, which isn't ideal cos it's pretty cold right now.

I also went travelling- a month to Malta (where I played online), a month travelling through Eastern Europe (where I didn't play), two weeks in Madrid/Barcelona (where I played at EPT Barcelona) and one week in Tenerife. All in all, I spent around three months abroad, only one month of which I played online (and one week of live poker).

This isn't anything abnormal though as I usually travel fairly often. If anything I wish I had just avoided playing poker whilst travelling and instead focused on relaxing and mentally resetting. For me, it's better to go hard on the grind when I am at home, then completely detach while travelling and not even think of poker. This year I mixed both of them too much, and thus was more likely to burn out.

All in all I played just over 150k online hands of cash (I also played some online mtt's and a little like poker), and ran awful for the last 50-60k of them. My WR was still okay (around 3.5bb/100) but I ran poorly at my highest stakes (for example $10k shots) so it was a pretty disappointing year in terms of profit. However, I did well in rakeback (getting a lot more this year) and in coaching, so that helped a bit too.

Overall (despite the seemingly low volume) my consistency when playing, assuming I was back home, was actually quite decent. For example, in December I was away for two weeks during the middle of the month (to Tenerife/visit my parents for Xmas) but then I played the last five days of the year and twelve days that month, which is quite decent given I was off for two weeks in a row.

Next year I don't have to find a house, to travel, do viewings etc, so I want to increase my volume. I also want to separate work/travel better, and perhaps enjoy some more relaxing holidays- instead of very intense ones like nine different countries in a month. I like the polarity of working hard, then not working at all. I much prefer this than to mix both of them together, then not really enjoy either.

next years goal; 200-300k hands. No excuses!

2. Start playing live poker. Success

This one was pretty simple. I hadn't played a live tournament since 2018 before this year, but this year I played one in Malta (which I cashed) and one in Coventry (which I also cashed), as well as making a trip to EPT Barcelona- where I just played cash games (and made a little profit).

Obviously it wasn't a ton of volume, but I'm happy that I at least got my foot in the door in terms of live poker, and I can utilise that as an additional revenue stream in the coming years.

I'm still not a massive fan of it in all honestly, but I will still play a few times per year, and might go to somewhere like Macau cos that's probably pretty easy money over there. I tend to just play on Stars and sometimes on other sites, with almost no live poker. So I've never really maximised by earnings, and most likely minimised them haha. Farming a bunch of live poker fish has never particularly appealed to me.

3. Level up at cash games. undecided

At the start of the year I set out to become one of the best players on Stars. Did I achieve this? I don't know. I definitely improved, but so did a lot of other regs too. It's also sometimes difficult to think more objectively when you are in the midst of a downswing, and other regs might be running hot.

Anyways this was goal was more geared towards focusing on improving off the tables, so that I am tougher to play against on them. In that sense it worked. I guess every reg has in the back of their minds that they want to become one of the best players, so perhaps this 'goal' is less about actually hitting this pinnacle, but more so about realising how much room for growth and improvement we still have.

If we aim to be the best, but get only 80% of the way there, then we will still be very successful. So in that sense I believe it's good to aim high, and 'fail', than it is to aim low and 'achieve'.

Okay so that's a wrap for 2023. Thank you to everyone that has contributed to this thread, especially the regular commenters (but also to the lurkers out there, you are also valued). I will probably do another, new, thread for 2024, but I will likely take a couple weeks off to fix up the house a bit, get a new boiler installed and (hopefully) avoid burst pipes as I wait for it to be installed in a weeks time.

GG for 2023, 2024 is our year! <3