10 years of busto
Posted by CantGetRight
Posted by
CantGetRight
posted in
Mental Game
10 years of busto
Sure some might read that line and ask why would I ever continue playing this game if I haven't been able to beat it over 10 years of playing it. Well I still have the poker fire inside of me. I feel like at any moment my big break is going to come through and I will reach the nosebleeds or at least midstakes and make a living out of this game. I'm a pretty smart guy with a poor work ethic and degen problem and although my tilt has improved over the years I eventually reach my breaking point mass tabling hours on end and hit the roulette table to vent out my frustration.
It seems like no matter how much money I win or lose in a session I find a reason to hit the roulette table at the end of the day. I just get this thrill of putting 20-25 bucks on 0 and getting that big hit. I've come up with all kinds of reasons and excuses to play roulette. Things like well if I get hot in roulette I will have the bankroll to play the stakes I want or if I get hot in roulette I can have enough money to move to mexico and play on pokerstars. Well looking at it I won about as much money as anyone could ask to win at roulette at one point I turned 100 dollars into 4500 dollars playing roulette over a 2 day period.
Clearly 4500 is enough of a bankroll to grind with yet I would keep finding reasons to play roulette and well would miss 0 hundreds of times and lose it all. So the amount of money I have to grind with isn't the issue here that much is clear.
I don't know what help there is for a guy like me at this point I'm still young(25 years old been playing since I was 15) but obviously I am running out of time at this point because I've had so many chances and failed miserably each time. Even when I had a break here or there at the roulette table it wouldn't matter because some way or another I would find a way to lose all of my money. I don't know if I have a gambling addiction or not. But I'm not ready to give up on the dream just yet. I've put in too much time in the game and enjoy it too much to quit now.
If anyone has any suggestions that don't involve quitting I would love to hear them. Even if its something as simple as saying I need to take responsibility for my actions or read a book or something. I just have this issue where I get overwhelmed with excitement and my emotions spiral out of control and the only thing that seems to make me come back to reality is if I lose all of my money.
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"I just have this issue where I get overwhelmed with excitement and my emotions spiral out of control and the only thing that seems to make me come back to reality is if I lose all of my money. "
seek professional help
Agree with mike. This sounds like symptoms of a problem gambler. I made a post about this before. Visit gamblers anonymous and take responsibility for your life before you end up dead broke and dead in a ditch.
i dont know if being 25 years old and busting a 4k online roll equals dead in a ditch lol. but ya dude get real about trying to play pokerz full time
this is no joke. you are describing textbook gambling addiction. whether or not you want to quit is up to you, but playing poker is probably going to make it impossible to change this continued cycle of financial and emotional self destruction.
For what it's worth I'm not judging as being an addict isn't a crime, and as long as you aren't harming others there isn't a moral problem here. But if you're unhappy you should find a way to help treat your addiction for your own quality of life. I don't believe attempting to become a responsible poker player is going to be the likely path to success.
I'd start by going to GA. Get some psycho-therapy if you can afford it, if not talk to an open minded considerate friend that will listen. Try to find a regular job and self ban all of your online gambling accounts.
I hope it works out and you're able to find some peace of mind.
Come on. There has got to be a way I can beat this and still reach my poker dreams. I mean some people have overcome heroin addictions and now lead normal lives. I know most addicts are in denial and don't realize they have a problem. But I realize that I have an issue here. I'm sure theres plenty of people with degen problems that have been able to overcome it and lead a normal successful professional poker lifestyle. I figured there would be some people on here who could at least understand.
Whats the difference between my issue here and anyone else going on tilt? I know not everyone who experiences tilt reacts in the way I do but there has to be some hope for me to continue playing online poker while battling roulette demons. Obviously I wish I had never took my first spin of roulette. But its too late to change that. I feel like I still have some poker left in me. I'm only 25 years old for crying out loud. I think I get too excited when I play poker sure but I think that can all be alleviated perhaps with the introduction of exercise and meditation and some preventive actions to ensure I don't play roulette again.
I realize now that my issue is more serious than I originally thought and that it isn't normal or okay to get enjoyment out of losing thousands of dollars in a day. It's not okay with being okay with losing your bankroll. I know that isn't normal. Obviously I am trying to win back my losses from poker when I play roulette so there are good intentions but if it comes down to either having to play roulette and suffering what I have with going broke over and over and not playing roulette and having a chance at my poker dream then I am going to have to say good bye to the wheel.
I've come up with an infinite amount of excuses to justify the unnecessary risks I have taken with my bankrolls in the past and I know it will not be easy to regain the discipline to say no to roulette and chasing losses. But I gotta do it. I'm also a college student and I have been taking courses on and off after high school and I'm half way to finishing a degree in psychology which I have been also using as an excuse to justify my poor bankroll management. I would always say well I can sit down at a cash game with 1 buyin or chase losses in roulette because if I go broke or fail in poker I can always work a regular job once I finish school.
But now I see the light. There is only one solution to my problem. I must deposit my last 300 dollars and grind from 10 nl to midstakes!!!! And this time I won't make any excuses as to why it is okay to play roulette. This time I will stick to playing no more than 3 hours a day and if I feel the tilt coming on I will say noooooooooooooo!!! I will shut off my computer the moment I sense any kind of degen urges flowing through my body!!!!!!NOW IS THE TIME!!!!!!!
They say the definition of idiocy is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. I'm not trying to insult you but what this time do you think will be different?
thats pretty much me when it comes to BRM, i didnt keep it and made shitty excuses like soft pool and fishes in higher games... and it always ended up same , and i kept doing this like idk... at least 5times in my history.. never learning from experience.. that even if i run good at higher stake, that risk is no worth it, since if i lose at higher... i will have to grind that amount at lower stakes multiplied by at least 2.5x or even much more if u i.e. played 5x bigger stakes than usual... and then will have to move to even lower stakes than usual... than it can take like 50x multiplier to get to that point where u were before..
just so much not worth it... throwing away all those ours of grind on childish non-patience
Sorry, the above post sounded very harsh. I just mean that you could save your money for now until you address the underlying issues that are making you blow off steam at the roulette tables
I hope you see this as an advice and not a criticism
I'm a pretty smart guy with a poor work ethic
Smart persons knows that the only way to reach goals is to work hard and doesn't matter how talented you are.
yo dawg just play for fun and get a job...playing poker full time and having "poker dreams" is prty much for the birds in 2014. you have to be so smart and responsible with your money, and fcking treat it like a science dude, and not only that, you have to be rly fcking good to play full time. seems like a) your probably not good enough at cards/gambling and b) you definitely dont have the mental maturity/responsibility to gamble for a living (99% of people dont! me included)
just have fun gambling, play with money you can afford to lose, and if you pick up a nice score then have fun with it, blow it back on roulette or nice dinners or a vaca or some clothes or w/e
theres like 1% of people who will ball out enough to make it worth it playing cards full time. if your not making 100k plus a year from cards your better off doing smth else with your time and with your life. other than wasting your time trying to grind out a couple g's per month. find something else your good at, that you enjoy and maybe contribute something to society, not just waste away your 20s trying to grind out bi's at 200nl playing a fun card game. gl
What do you expect us to say? Give you a magic formula to get your life back on track? I don't like to be the guy who tells people to give up their dreams but this could be one of those moments.
If you really want positive advice. Just start at 2nl, it doesn't matter how overrolled you are. Play 2nl for 2weeks to a month. If in this period you have the slightest urge to play roulette or do something stupid add even more time. When the time period is over and you feel ready for the next level, start playing 5nl for a few weeks to a month. If you ever feel the slightest urge drop back to 2nl. Use this system untill 25nl and from then on use your BRM to see what stakes you have to play. It will be insanely difficult and you need insane self-control but if you really want to do this this could be the way.
^^ lol wat? thats an even bigger waste of time/energy effort and would drive any man to degen at roulette or bj
I appreciate all the responses. Some good advice in here for sure. I just deposited another 300 dollars and played a little over 3 hours so far today at 10 nl. Ran slightly above EV and won about 3 buyins. I felt more calm today after finally getting up at a decent time(8 am) and exercising which is something I have put off for months now. I feel less tension and stress which I'm guessing is from the exercise and maybe not getting up at 5 pm like I usually do. I'm hoping my previous issues were just a result of built up frustration and anger from being so sedentary and living so unhealthy. So I'm going to try and live a more balanced and healthy lifestyle and see if this continues. Obviously the day isn't over and there is plenty of time left to be tempted by the wheel. But so far so good I would say. I don't think I am going to do anything stupid today. I hope:)
You need to realise that part of the skill of poker is in not touching roulette. It sounds like you kid yourself that you're ok at poker but just have degen problems. The two are inseperable. Start to see kicking your habits as part of the 'skill' of poker and you may begin to take some pride in doing so.
Been there, done that! (blackjack and slots though, not roulette) I disqualified myself from the casino section of the site I play. I don't have this problem anymore thankfully.
I put it down to being discontent. Chasing 'the dream' and not wanting to put in the work. Countless times in the last 6 years I've played way outside my bankroll and run it up to 20k plus only to lose it all in 1 session playing 2000nl. The end result of my stupidity was spending way too long at 50nl than I should of. I would grind up to about 3k at 50nl and then lose most of it in one session playing 400nl. Months of hard work gone in one session! Rinse, repeat.
I've done things properly this time around, and I'm currently rolled for and grinding 200nl. I often imagine where I'd be if I wasn't such a degen.
"I feel like at any moment my big break is going to come through and I will reach the nosebleeds."
This is the problem. I had the same dream. Then I had to get a minimum wage job and slave away for some fat, greedy dude to get rich. My dream quickly changed to:
'As long as I can earn at least minimum wage on my own terms and not have some fat, greedy dude with smelly breath breathing down my neck, giving me orders all day, then I'm living the dream'
Good luck!
I really like this post. And I am glad to see you were able to kick the old habit of degen games. The post above this in regards to not playing roulette, is part of the skill of being a poker player is also a great one. In regards to my progress I went back to my old ways and started playing stakes I wasn't rolled for and playing roulette:/ Turned the 300 into almost 1600 in a few days before betting 100 dollars a spin in roulette and finding myself broke in a matter of minutes.
I just emailed support to block my casino. I will get around 115 dollars tomorrow from a rake race payout and plan on grinding 2 nl like a previous poster mentioned. I see no reason to make big deposits anymore because I realize that having a bigger bankroll isn't my issue. With my casino now blocked I hope this is a step forward to my dream of playing poker for a living.
I also love your last comment on changing ones dream/goal from this almost impossible task of reaching the nosebleeds to just being able to support yourself playing the game you love. Now that I think about it, that is what I really want anyways. If I make it to the highest stakes it would be great but the main thing is to be able to support myself playing this great game.
I know I am getting older and time may be running out and I must find out if poker is going to be my career or not. That said I am not going to put this massive pressure on myself to get to mid stakes or even 50 nl. I am just going to take it one session at a time and whenever I can move up stakes I will when I have 100 buyins. I'm going to pace myself this time and take it slow.
Well I just had a breakthrough. I did lose that last 115 dollars but I also got a free entry into a punta cana satelite package worth 4100. Top 3 got paid. Took 90 minutes for the bubble to burst. First time I ever won anything while being completely broke (had 5 dollars in my bank account and 29 cents in my poker account.) So obviously I am left with the choice of selling the seat or flying down and playing the tournament and shipping 6 figures. But with no money to my name I just sold the seat for 2300+800 I received for travel expenses. So bankroll is an amazing 3100 now woohoo! Unreal to me. With my casino now blocked and 31 buyins for 100 nl, I am a 100 nl reg now!!!.:)
This is the most degenerate post I have ever read. $5 in bank and $0.29 cents in poker account, binks a tournament, then calls that your bankroll for "100NL". No bankroll can support a losing player. Prove that you can win by playing the micros before doing anything else. Sorry to sound so harsh, but you'll bust yourself again if you are not sure you can actually win. I've done this many times and only will call myself a "winner" after a massive sample of "winning".
Also, I recommend 100BI at least and more if you are prone to tilt. You probably should play no higher than 10NL - 25NL given your propensity to jump up in stakes and play table games.
Yeah I know it kind of sounds bad. I just cashed out most of it and left myself with 450 dollars to grind with. I figure I better start at like 10 nl and prove myself than just start at 100 nl vs guys who probably will kill me if i don't play my A game and don't tilt. I also have the casino blocked so I am hoping that those roulette days are behind me. I also like your 100 buyin rule for tilt prone people like me. I read that it is okay to have 30 buyins for micros so I am kind of unsure if I should drop down to as low as 5 nl which might be too painful. But I am really determined to succeed this time. And must do what is necessary to avoid busto/tilt and guarantee my poker success. Sigh. So I will start at 5nl/5plo. I gotta pay my dues like everyone else.
I'll keep this thread updated with any breaking news or progress I make. Wish me luck guys.:)
I'm still using a 100BI rule, plus 2-3BI stop loss :) A big bankroll is really good -- it protects you from feeling bad when you lose and on the off chance that you might tilt, it allows you to continue to play your game without going bankrupt. I used to have your mentality of taking greater risks, playing higher stakes and hopefully more profit, but keep in mind the higher stakes WILL come and MORE profit will come as long as you are winning. If you are reinvesting all your profits into your bankroll and saving to move up -- you'll be there before you know it.
My little tidbit -- used to play sporadically across all stakes as I felt like it: 50NL, 100NL were my bread and butter, but even dabbled into 200NL-600NL and played some 1kNL and 2kNL (and ran hot). I never played as well, didn't improve my game and it was extremely stressful. There was no RHYME or REASON to my poker and my winning was not systematic or methodological in any sense.
Since then (and lots of time zeroing out my bank accounts), I have adopted a 100BI rule and grinded it up slowly at 25NL. I doubted the pace and hourly winnings at the time, however, 6 months later and lots of hard work and study in the game -- I'm proud to say I'm rolled for 200NL and crushing. I don't play full time and have a FT job. Thankfully, my bankroll busting period of my life was when I was very young (in college) -- but, I think I truly understand risk management now. Remember, the bankroll will come provided you are a winning player -- it doesn't really matter what stakes you start with. Slow and steady wins the race and with poker growth is exponential due to the fact every stake increase is two-fold.
Good luck. Sorry to sound so harsh in the beginning, but your story is so similar to mind a little less than 6 months to a year ago. :P
Well everyone really loves scolding you.....you're giving everyone so much enjoyment. Congrats on the win and really try to play lower for a while so you can build not bust. GL
lol a little abuse once in awhile never hurt anyone. Just look at adrian petersons son;)
I find $5 NLHE is actually hard to play because people just play crazy and bluff shove too much. You can snap them off but if you're wrong you're in rebuild mode again. It's hard to grind a profit when they play like that. Just a little bit higher starts to make more sense where people can actually hand read and their bluffs are more calculated
then play tight and let them bluff off to ur nuts...
You should check out the books 'Poker Mindset' and 'Mental Game of Poker'
imo don't just go through the motions... UNDERSTAND why you are doing what you are doing
You waited 10 fckin years to find the NO CASINO games button, how hard was that?.
its up to you, good luck with whatever you choose.
Alot of people out there have similar issues, i am talking thousands! (i was one of them)
If you want to keep playing, u will so people telling not to is pointlessl. So I advise at the min only playing on pokerstars. Obv that might change when they release casino games but its the only site that I know off that allows you to set your level of buying, and it takes 24 hours to change it! thats the only way you will ever stop spewing it off. trust me, i was in the same boat.
Once I got paid £900 and blew £600 in 3hours on roulette at a bookies. You gotta man up and take responsibilty. There is no shame in admitting you have an addiction, once you realise it you can then start to control it, but it doesnt happen over night. You need correct procedures in place. So if u want to carry on grinding online then only play on sites that gives u set daily/weekly deposit amounts and table buyins. ALSO BUY TILTBREAKER! even some of the best use this! #lifesaver
Before you play any further hands I would definitely recommend two books - The Mental Game of Poker and Talent is Overrated. These helped me massively!!
Like a lot of people who have mentioned already, what you are going through has happened to A LOT of players. It seems to me that you are looking for a shortcut to making money in Poker, its not going to happen and never will! Forget making money in Poker, for now anyway! Just focus on getting better, the money will follow! Dont look at your bankroll and think, that $500, 3k, 4k is mine, look at it for it is, a tool! If you look after your roll and play at the stakes that your BR allows you will never have to spend another penny!! Unless you are terrible!! :) Ye its sucks playing low stakes when all you want to do its take in big scores, especially when you take a few hits and realise its going to take another long gring to get back to where you were! Its painful, but necessary! Everytime this happens you learn from what went wrong! Imagine the main weaknesses you have now no longer being a weakness! Imagine how much of a danger you would be at the table!
All players at the higher limits have been through this. Just becuase you have a roll for 100NL becuase of external funds doesnt mean that you should play those stakes, players at 100NL have earned their way to get to that spot! They will out play you! They have the edge! They have played the 10NL, 25L and 50NL, learning at each level. I play 25NL (Used to play 10NL for years), I tried 50NL but got outplayed and was playing with 'scared' money which didnt allow me to play at my optimum level so I dropped back down, it stings but my BR is in tacked and i'm grinding a profit. In Poker you're going to lose its as simple as that! Everyone loses at somepoint! So its crucial to play the games where you have an edge in order to win!
So key points I would focus on;
Sorry for the long post :) Hope that it helps though!
Good luck mate
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