Sure some might read that line and ask why would I ever continue playing this game if I haven't been able to beat it over 10 years of playing it. Well I still have the poker fire inside of me. I feel like at any moment my big break is going to come through and I will reach the nosebleeds or at least midstakes and make a living out of this game. I'm a pretty smart guy with a poor work ethic and degen problem and although my tilt has improved over the years I eventually reach my breaking point mass tabling hours on end and hit the roulette table to vent out my frustration.

It seems like no matter how much money I win or lose in a session I find a reason to hit the roulette table at the end of the day. I just get this thrill of putting 20-25 bucks on 0 and getting that big hit. I've come up with all kinds of reasons and excuses to play roulette. Things like well if I get hot in roulette I will have the bankroll to play the stakes I want or if I get hot in roulette I can have enough money to move to mexico and play on pokerstars. Well looking at it I won about as much money as anyone could ask to win at roulette at one point I turned 100 dollars into 4500 dollars playing roulette over a 2 day period.
Clearly 4500 is enough of a bankroll to grind with yet I would keep finding reasons to play roulette and well would miss 0 hundreds of times and lose it all. So the amount of money I have to grind with isn't the issue here that much is clear.

I don't know what help there is for a guy like me at this point I'm still young(25 years old been playing since I was 15) but obviously I am running out of time at this point because I've had so many chances and failed miserably each time. Even when I had a break here or there at the roulette table it wouldn't matter because some way or another I would find a way to lose all of my money. I don't know if I have a gambling addiction or not. But I'm not ready to give up on the dream just yet. I've put in too much time in the game and enjoy it too much to quit now.

If anyone has any suggestions that don't involve quitting I would love to hear them. Even if its something as simple as saying I need to take responsibility for my actions or read a book or something. I just have this issue where I get overwhelmed with excitement and my emotions spiral out of control and the only thing that seems to make me come back to reality is if I lose all of my money.