Taking some time to reread over my posts and I saw a bunch of valuable insights I was having/being given that I didn't really turn into actual action. Something I'm a bit afraid of is falling too much into a routine/lack of consciousness around my thoughts/feelings. A lot of people work mundane jobs, numb their deep thoughts with drugs/content etc, I feel I'm somewhat doing the same thing with poker.

My days look quite similar lately, gym, uni, some HU/6max HS repeat, I can tell I've become a bit unconscious when I notice I haven't felt any urge to finish reading my books or do anything that has any friction. I fall into a 'productive' routine, something I wrote about in last blog is the idea that this type of productivity is actually just pseudo-self esteem. I feel like I'm entering a new 'phase', maybe I'll start to value something else more in life or look back on this period with a different perspective.

The cycle of growth seems to be something like: Beginner learning curve -> Growth -> Plateau/Routine/Fail -> Retrospection -> New routine/growth .. A lot of gains can be made just from the creation of a decent routine of reasonable friction study on a consistent basis.
I had a lot of BR semi-blowups in first couple years, especially when everything goes wrong at once. Sometimes its after a big sunrun you get complacent or shoot too high without calculating potential losses, or maybe its during a dry period where there seems to be no action etc/gloomy online poker future. You can always look back later and realise that it wasn't that serious, and doing just a couple things differently would have made your life a lot easier.

I now have a bit more of a habit of assessing the potential loss of a format/stake before playing even one session, something I used to never take too much thought about (If I was playing X BI for stake below, I'd do same for one above despite reg/fish ratio being 1/8th). Maybe its impossible to learn without experiencing these things yourself first hand though, it's not the same when someone tries to warn you of the potential variance

This idea of friction I keep repeating: I think there is some value in doing the study/things that you feel a friction towards, going that layer deeper into a nodelock, or working on something you don't enjoy as they tend to be the most rewarding.

2024 Graph so far

by stake

Been catching some heat especially HU, there's an extra $10k profit on PLO HU not in graph. I started a session of 5k HU trying to detach myself from the sunrun a bit and really wondering if my perceived edge was real or if I was just sunrunning, leaning towards sunrunning, then that same session some HS reg started accusing me of going from -100bb biggest spot on stars to RTA bot in 1month.. So I guess that ended up giving me a bit more confidence to continue this fun HU grind I've been having some success in as of late.#

Lastly, HU only graph all time, still no real sample